


Hearts, Minds, and Hard Lines

by BigBandBombshell



Series: The WinterMiracle Chronicles [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky is broken, Death, F/M, Mutants, Not Ant-Man End Credit Compliant, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Not Captain America: Civil War Compliant, Not strictly MCU compliant, Swearing, Telepathy, Telepathy Porn, Violence, Wanda Maximoff is my BFF, bucky love, pietro is a flirt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-24
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-04-16 23:34:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 42
Words: 79,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4644219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BigBandBombshell/pseuds/BigBandBombshell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alexandria Wesson never expected to be called on by Earth's mightiest heroes. But when Professor Xavier is asked to fix Barnes' brain, he sends Xandria in his place. She didn't expect to find a family, fall in love, or fit in. And she didn't expect the pain it would all bring.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rocket Power

Alexandria Wesson's neck ached slightly as she stared at the “A” winking in the sunlight above her. She'd known Tony Stark liked to think big, but she was beginning to think “obscenely big” was a better term. The Avengers tower stood only slightly taller than those around it, but that didn't mean it blended in. It clashed with the style of its neighbors, boasted obviously advanced technology, and screamed unwavering support for the Avengers. It was, in short, Tony Stark's effigy in steel and glass.

“Your name, Miss?” A voice to her right caught Xandria by surprise. 

“How did you -” She broke off as she looked over, pulling her suitcase closer. People rarely snuck up on her. Their minds brushed hers first, giving her ample warning. But the being standing beside her was not human. It was a robot, shiny and chrome. And it was staring at her. 

“Your name, Miss?” It asked again in a feminine, British voice. The disparity of the voice paired with the Iron Man face plate jarred Xandria, but she quickly shook it off.

“I'm Alexandria Wesson.” 

“I must confirm your identity. May I touch your arm for DNA confirmation?”

Xandria quirked an eyebrow and nodded. Of all the things she'd assumed Stark's creations were capable of, respect for personal boundaries was not one of them. Cold metal gripped her bare upper arm and her skin tingled, not unpleasantly.

“Welcome to Avengers Tower, Miss Wesson. I am FRIDAY. Allow me to escort you to your next transport.”

The robot - FRIDAY - stepped very close. One arm closed around Xandria's waist and the other took her bag.

“Please hold on tight.” FRIDAY said, inclining her head towards the platform above. Xandria got her arms around the robot's neck at the same moment they roared away from the street and straight into the air. She screamed, strands of auburn hair catching in her mouth and tangling over her eyes.

In seconds they had touched down on the platform at the top of the tower.

“Tony, you didn't!” A women's voice came to Xandria almost as fast as the touch of her mind. A man's laughter reached her as well, but when Xandria glanced up she saw that it was only Stark on a vid screen, which cut out a moment later.

 _Gonna kill him - **anger** \- Tony's a child - love him - **softening**_ Xandria blushed brilliantly and pulled her mind away from Pepper's. If she had felt Xandria's accidental invasion, she didn't let it show.

“I am so sorry, Miss Wesson. My name is Ms. Potts, and I'd like to welcome you to Avengers Tower.”

Xandria took a breath to regain her composure, then smiled and shook Ms. Potts' hand.

“It's an honor Ms. Potts.” She replied. “I've read so much about you.”

“Oh!” Ms. Potts looked legitimately surprised. “Well, thank you.” She returned Xandria's smile, then motioned into the tower. “I'm sorry we don't have time to get more acquainted, but the team is waiting at the base.”

“I thought this was the base?” Xandria said, turning to grab her bag. FRIDAY handed it to her, then rocketed away.

“It was, but after the whole Ultron Incident the team had to move.”

Ms. Potts led her across one of the most retro living rooms Xandria had ever seen and through a door to the other side of the tower. Xandria had expected to find more living space and was surprised to step into a large, empty hangar. The only hint of the room's purpose was the smell of rubber and jet fuel in the air.

“How will I be getting to the base?” Xandria asked, glancing around. “Not by robot, I hope?”

“God, no.” Ms. Potts laughed. They were halfway across the hangar when Pepper stopped walking.

She turned to face Xandria, a slight smirk on her face.  
“You'll be going,” She said, “by jet.” She swept one hand out, displaying the empty air behind her. Xandria waited a moment, then let one eyebrow creep up.

“It's a lovely, uh, invisi-jet.”

Ms. Potts looked confused for a moment, then glanced over her shoulder.

“Damn it, Natasha!” She yelled, turning around and balling a fist on either hip. “I never get to do the dramatic reveal!”

Like water rippling over rocks, the illusion of nothing fell away to reveal a small jet piloted by Natasha Romanov. And she was laughing. 

“Sorry Pepper. You looked so smug, I couldn't resist.” Her voice boomed from the ship's coms system as the rear door opened.

A moment later Romanov was standing in the hangar with them. She smiled at Ms. Potts, but her face became more serious as she looked at Xandria.

“Agent Romanov, this is Miss Wesson.” Ms. Potts made the introduction, then stepped back as Natasha offered a hand towards Xandria.

“Welcome to the team.” She said as Xandria took her hand.

“Thank you, it's a real honor.” Xandria replied, fighting the urge to squint at the petite readhead. Romanov's mind barely registered against Xandria's and the rarity of it intrigued her.

“Rogers is eager to meet you.” Romanov continued, motioning towards the jet.

Xandria said goodbye to Ms. Potts, then followed Romanov into the jet. She froze only a few steps inside.

“How...” She began, trailing off as she moved to a side window. Ms. Potts was standing where they had left her, politely waiting for them to take off in the jet. Xandria could see her, but she could no longer feel her.

“Mutant tech that Stark adapted from one of Magneto's helmets.” Romanov glanced back at Xandria before closing the rear hatch. The tower's roof slid open over them, and sunlight poured into the hangar. The jet powered on, and Xandria made her way towards the front as Romanov guided them up and out into the sky. She knew they were cloaked again when no one on the streets below reacted. That, or New Yorkers had become too used to weird, low-flying jets.

After a few moments they were clear of the city. Xandria dropped into the copilot's seat and settled her bag by her feet.

“So what's it like?” Romanov asked, pointing to Xandria's head. Xandria sighed and pulled her lower lip in between her teeth, thinking.

“It's usually like the buzz you feel in your head when you almost fall, but catch yourself at the last second. Know what I mean?” Xandria said, settling more comfortably into the seat. Romanov glanced at her and nodded, giving her a tense half-smile. Xandria took it as encouragement. “Most people buzz so loud that, before I met the Professor, I felt like I was living in a swarm of bees.”

The clouds outside blurred by, accompanied by a moment of silence. Xandria was just about to start talking again when Romanov spoke up.

“Just most people?” She asked, fiddling with the controls. Xandria nodded, turning to look at her. The other woman met her gaze out of the corner of her eye, but wouldn't look over. It didn't take a telepath to know something was wrong, and Xandria didn't want her time with the Avengers to start with bad blood between her and Romanov.

“Some people are are naturally quieter, some don't register as a buzz.” She paused, then looked back out the window. “And those with training can be as close to silent as is possible for an active human mind.” 

Again, Xandria waited for Romanov to say something. This time, however, the agent seemed content to keep her eyes ahead and her hands on the controls. Xandria bore it for a few minutes, then turned to Romanov and sat forward in her seat.

“Agent Romanov, may I be blunt?” Xandria asked. Natasha looked up, her face unreadable. She gave a single short nod.

“I can tell when someone has been telepathically invaded.” Romanov flinched and Xandria felt a stab of remorse. But she continued. “I will never enter your mind without invitation. The human mind is personal, sacred space. I've spent most of my life learning control and how to shield. Barring dire need or severe shock, I never let those shields drop without permission. You're mind is safe from me, I promise you.”

Romanov stared silently at her for a few breaths and Xandria stared back.

“So you figured all that out without telepathy, huh?” Romanov asked. Xandria nodded, and leaned back slightly.

“Telepaths learn the outward signs of a violated mind pretty quickly.” Was all she said.

Again the silence, and again the staring. Finally, Romanov nodded. Another breath later and the tension went out of her shoulders. She smiled, and turned back to the controls. Xandria knew it was an act, but it was the best she could hope for.

“So do you really think you can do it?” Romanov asked. “Help Barnes, I mean.”

“Professor Xavier seems to think so.” Xandria replied, pulling one foot up onto the seat and resting her chin on it.

“Didn't the Professor try and fail?” 

Xandria bristled, but bit off her gut response. Romanov wanted information or reassurance, not a pissing contest with the new mutant transfer.

“Director Coulson wanted Professor Xavier to give Barnes some magic mind massage and turn him back into Captain America's big brother. That was never possible.”

“So you're going in long-term, then? A full brain makeover?” Romanov pressed, and Xandria glanced at her, brows drawing together.

“That's the plan. Director Coulson wants information to bring down Hydra -” Xandria began

“And Cap wants his best friend back.” Romanov finished for her.

The women glanced at one another, and Romanov began nosing the jet into a descent. A huge green expanse opened up below them as they broke the cloud line, and Xandria couldn't help but smile. She'd always loved the mountains.

“Miss Wesson -” Romanov started, then cleared her throat and began again “Xandria, I need to ask you a favor.”

Xandria raised one eyebrow in surprise, but said nothing. Romanov leveled off their descent as they approached a cluster of white buildings.

“Barnes and I have a history,” Romanov said. “Sexual, verging on the embarrassingly romantic. I don't feel that way about him any more, but I'd rather it not get out.”

“Oh...” Xandria said softly, eyes going wide and round in surprise. Natasha glanced sharply at her, and Xandria shook off her shock. “I won't tell anyone. It's not my business.”

Romanov nodded, gave her one last smile, and brought them in to land.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nobody asked for it, but here it is: a cohesive story about how one mutant woman dedicates herself to fixing Bucky's brain. I know someone has written a story about a telepathic woman falling in love with Bucky, but I haven't read that one yet and developed this storyline before I found AO3. Please assume any similarities are coincidental. Companion playlists can be found on 8tracks starting after the publication of chapter 3, and I have no idea how long this is going to go. But it's gonna be a while. I hope you all like it!


	2. Light and Dark

The jet touched down outside a large white hangar. A small crowd waited, eyes fixed on the jet. Natasha opened the rear door and exited without a word, but Xandria hung back. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths before she grabbed her pack and followed. Xandria hesitated once more at the mouth of the jet, still reveling in the silence it provided. But the group had a unified expression of anticipation on their faces, and she stepped out to meet them. It wasn't the whole team, but it was still a sizable group. The Maximoff twins stood to one side, the Vision close by. Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson waited beside him, both men standing with arms crossed and shoulders relaxed. In front of them stood a lone man in a black suit.

“Director Coulson, this is Miss Wesson.” Natasha motioned from Xandria to the tall man in the suit. His hair was thinning and his expression was sweet and patient. Not at all what Xandria expected from the Director of SHIELD.

“Welcome to SHIELD headquarters, Miss Wesson.” Coulson took her hand, giving it a firm shake.

“Thank you, sir. It's an honor to work with the Avengers.” Xandria replied, nodding first to Coulson and then to everyone else. 

The team members came forward to greet her one by one, and she took stock of each mind as they passed. Coulson's mind slid against hers as he stepped aside, the sensation like silk or the soft rub of a well-loved blanket. Vision was the next to step forward. He greeted her formally, and his mind beeped and whirred like a computer as it brushed hers. She knew his origins, so it didn't shock her. It did, however, intrigue her and she made a note to approach him for a possible mind walk in the future. Rogers and Wilson came forward next, almost at the same time. 

“Welcome to the team!” Wilson said, smiling broadly as he shook her hand. His mind was as bright as his smile, buzzing fast like a hummingbird,

“We're happy to have you.” Rogers added with a handshake of his own. Unlike most people, Rogers' mind didn't buzz. It rubbed against her mind like the opening note to a big band ballad, rough but sweet at the same time.

“Thank you,” She said as she turned from one to the other. “It really is an honor.” Wilson and Rogers both gave her genuinely friendly smiles, though she saw Rogers' falter as he turned to step away.

“Captain,” She said, and he turned back to her. “I am going to do everything I can for Barnes.” 

Rogers looked stunned and the low note of his mind stuttered. But after a moment his blue eyes brightened just a fraction, and Xandria knew it had been the right thing to say.

“That's all I ask. And I'm grateful to you for it.” He replied. Rogers then turned away and rejoined Wilson, his shoulders slightly more relaxed than they'd been moments before.

“I hate to greet and run,” Coulson stepped forward again. “But a Director's day is never done.” He motioned to the twins, who stepped forward as one. “Pietro and Wanda will show you to your quarters, and Fury has arranged a special dinner in honor of your arrival. I won't be able to make it, so allow me to welcome you one more time.” Coulson's smile was friendly, and Xandria gladly shook his hand again.

“Thank you sir, I will serve the team well.” She said. Coulson nodded, then turned and walked away, Romanov by his side. 

The others all nodded to her and made their way to a larger building that housed the hub of activity on the base, if the concentration of buzzing minds inside was any indication. Xandria turned back to the twins and found them standing a few feet closer. She looked from Pietro to Wanda, and felt the other telepath brush her mind. Like Rogers and Vision, Wanda's mind did not buzz. It hissed, almost exactly as Xandria had always thought a bank of fog should hiss as it slid along the ground. It was a common signature among telepaths, but Wanda's ran quieter than others Xandria had encountered. Pietro's mind was silent, and Xandria had a strong suspicion that his sister was shielding him.

After a moment of timid contact, Xandria felt Wanda initiate a bridge between them. Xandria allowed it, feeling the prickling down her spine that accompanied bridging with another telepath.

 _I may have put you off to a bad start_ Wanda got directly to the point. _As a telepath, I mean._

 _Is that why Romanov was uneasy?_ Xandria replied. Wanda pulsed an affirmative sensation, accompanied with the knowledge of Romanov's recent mental protection training. 

_What did you do?_ Xandria asked. She couldn't think of anything in Wanda's personnel file that would have damaged the team's views of telepaths. At least, no more than her brother might have done to damage their view of super-fast mutants.

 _They didn't tell you..._ Wanda's face fell and a shiver of anxiety slipped over the bridge.

 _Tell me what?_ Xandria replied. 

Wanda's answer wasn't in words. Memories and sensations bounded over the bridge between their minds, and Xandria understood. She immediately bristled at the other telepath's past violations and didn't stop her reaction from sending back across the bridge. She expected Wanda to react with indignation or self-defense. But all she got back was shame, regret, and jealousy. Xandria probed the last emotion, and Wanda hesitantly flashed an explanation. Xandria had been taught control and protection with her gift, while Wanda had only been manipulated into hurting people.

Shame immediately flooded through Xandria. And though she shielded the extent of it from crossing the bridge, she let enough across that Wanda would know she regretted her initial anger. Wanda's eyes widened a little in surprise, which only made Xandria feel worse.

 _It's not your fault Hydra used you as a weapon._ Xandria sent. Wanda only blushed, the bridge going almost as quiet as Wanda's physical voice. Xandria fell silent as well, not sure what else to say. And, all at once, she realized she would see worse things the moment she entered Barnes' mind. Remorse coursing through her, Xandria sent a flurry of images and sensations over the bridge, all framed as a question.

Images of her and Wanda as they might be: laughing together, getting coffee, fighting for the Avengers. Overlaying it all was the sensation of friendly warmth, comradery, and acceptance. Warm feelings, all pending on Wanda's answer. It came quickly, though Wanda's timid nature was revealed in how quietly it slipped across the bridge. The two women smiled at each other, new friendship held close between them. 

Pietro looked from one woman to another and took their shy smiles as a sign to jump in. 

“Ready?” He asked. The girls nodded in unison at the same moment Wanda let her shield around her brother's mind drop. Xandria smiled at him, amused that his mind whined at a speed to match his reputation. Wanda severed the bridge with Xandria as she and her brother turned towards the main building, but she didn't raise her shield - an invitation for communication.

“Good. We've got about half an hour for you to get settled, but no more than that. Trust me,” Pietro said, glancing at Xandria with his face set in hard lines. “You don't want to be late for dinner.” He picked up his pace, though he still moved remarkably slow for someone of his abilities. Wanda and Xandria fell into step behind him, glancing at one another with amused expressions.

 _Is he always this serious?_ Xandria sent out. Wanda rolled her eyes and snorted softly. Pietro glanced at them, but nobody said anything.

 _Only about food._ The response came with memories of Pietro complaining as Rogers and a post-Hulk Banner cleared out most of the food at post-op spreads. Xandria gathered that Pietro generally ate more than the average guy, but he was no rival for the irradiated scientist or the super soldier. Wanda sent over the memory of Pietro creating “preventative measures” and Xandria started giggling. She cut it off with a snort as Pietro glanced at them again. Wanda was a wide-eyed picture of innocence.

“Oh this is going to be so much fun.” He said, turning away and shaking his head. The girls erupted into laughter as they followed him into the building.

A crush of people met them, but Pietro wove them through until they reached a bank of elevators. He called a car and they all stepped inside. As soon as the doors closed he pulled a key from his pocket and slid it into a waiting panel. 

“The code for your floor is 8274,” He said, punching in the code. "You must use your key and the code to access your floor."

The car began its descent and he removed the key from the panel, handing it to Xandria. She repeated the number over in her head, memorizing it quickly.

“Security is tight around here, but if you ever forget your code you can ask the other team members.” Pietro said. He leaned against one wall, tucking one ankle over the other as he crossed his arms over his chest. Wanda stuffed her hands in her jacket pocket and stood at the back of the car, forming a triangle with Xandria and her brother.

They rode in silence a few moments more, and then the doors slid open with a ding. Xandria guessed they were eight or nine floors underground, but the air was still as fresh as it had been on the first floor. Pietro led them down the hall, past several doors paneled in dark wood. He stopped in front of one and pulled another key from his pocket. 

“This is where we leave you.” He said, handing her the key. “Don't lose this key, clear? It's embedded with micro-sensors to open the lock. If anything else goes into the door lock, internal bolts seal the door. And you don't want maintenance mad because they have to clean that up.”

Xandria arched an eyebrow and took the key.

“Seems awfully complicated for a door lock.” She said. Pietro didn't smile.

“You're with SHIELD now. Things are never simple.” He glanced at his sister, then back to Xandria. “We should be going. Wanda will be back in twenty minutes to collect you for dinner.” 

“Thank you, Pietro.” Xandria said. “Will I be seeing you at supper?”

He smiled at her then, all roguish charm.

“But of course!” With that he sped away down the hall, leaving Wanda to make her farewells as he waited by the elevator doors.

“I'll see you later.” Wanda said. Xandria sent another pulse of warmth at Wanda, who returned it with a smile. Then she turned and walked away.

“Oh, new girl?” Pietro called, earning a raised eyebrow from Xandria. “Don't go wandering around just yet, yeah?” His eyes flicked past her and Xandria cast back with her mind before turning around.

The hall was empty, but she was surprised to feel the presence of five minds that she hadn't noticed on her arrival. Four were the normal buzz of waking humans, but the fifth was sluggish and jagged against her senses. It was a broken mind in a sedated body, and Xandria flinched. Barnes was nearby, and he was heavily drugged.

“Four guards for a sedated man?” She asked, turning back to the twins. Wanda was by her brother's side and she turned to look up at him.

“He has to be sedated.” Pietro said, placing a hand to hold open the elevator doors. “He's been conditioned to kill SHIELD operatives.” He ducked into the elevator after his sister, and within a moment Xandria was alone in the corridor. 

She chewed her lip, looking from the elevator doors to the door of Barnes' quarters, and then back to the door of her rooms. Barnes was broken, she had known that much. But if SHIELD was keeping him in a constant state of sedation, there was more going on than she had been told. And that made her intensely uncomfortable. 

Xandria opened the door to her rooms with a sigh, determined to broach the subject with Fury over dinner. She stepped into the room with her eyes pinched closed in annoyance and dropped her bag on the floor as she shut the door and leaned against it. Silence greeted her. No buzzing minds, no brushing sensations. It was as quiet as the jet, and Xandria opened her eyes. She was in a well-appointed living room, the walls papered in something like silk. Classic as it looked, she knew that beneath the paper was the same alloy that lined the quinjet and Magneto's helmet.

 _I hope everything is on the up._ She thought, _because I could really like it here._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter was really short, but I promise the next one will be much longer (plus the story really takes off).


	3. Just Desserts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Companion playlist to Chapters 1-3 is now on 8tracks! Check it out at http://8tracks.com/bigbandbombshell/joining-the-team

Xandria was at the vanity in her bedroom when Wanda knocked on the apartment door. She crossed the spacious bedroom and into the living room, her eyes instinctively going to the false window that took up most of one wall. Artificial sunlight came through, and the scene on the other side was of a formal garden in full bloom. It was her favorite garden at Professor Xavier's school.

“You look lovely.” Wanda said as soon as Xandria opened the door. 

“Thank you!” Xandria swished the full skirt of her dress. 

“Is it for... uh... Captain Rogers?” Wanda asked. Xandria looked at her oddly, and Wanda cocked an eyebrow. “It is very - is vintage the right word?” Xandria couldn't help but laugh softly.

“Yeah, it's definitely the right word, but this isn't for Captain Rogers.” Xandria turned back to her bedroom and motioned for Wanda to follow.

The living room was papered in something like pale silver silk, accented in reds and off-white. By contrast, the bedroom seemed icy. Rich blue walls contrasted with the dark wood floor. The bed was made in soft grey sheets and covered with a thick white down comforter. The furniture was the same dark wood as the floors, and the closet door stood open to reveal a walk-in that was still mostly empty. Some baskets held workout clothes and under things, a few pair of shoes were aligned against one wall, and a lone pair of jeans sat folded on a shelf. But the rest of Xandria's clothes were all blouses, dresses and skirts. Most were in dark colors and all had a vintage flavor.

“Oh, I see.” Wanda said, taking in Xandria's wardrobe. “I am very sorry for assuming -” She cut off as Xandria shook her head.

“Nothing to be sorry about.” Xandria smiled at Wanda in the mirror as she took some pins from a jar and slipped them into her hair. “I can definitely see why you might have though it was for Rogers!”

She slid a few more pins into her hair and adjusted the half-length sleeves on her dress as she moved towards the bed. A cardigan was waiting at the foot, laid over a folded quilt. It clashed with the rest of the room, the colors pulled from all over the spectrum and the style more country than chic. 

“Did you bring that?” Wanda asked, nodding to the quilt. Xandria trailed her fingers over it and smiled sadly as she nodded.

“My mom made it for me, years ago.” She shrugged on the cardigan and adjusted her dress' collar. “Shall we?” Xandria motioned to the door, and Wanda headed back to the apartment's exit.

The women stepped out into the hall and Xandria locked the door behind them. Wanda headed for the elevators, but Xandria paused a moment and glanced to the other end of the hall, her senses sweeping out. Barnes was still sedated, though he had begun to come around some in the last twenty minutes. There were now five guards in the room, and they were all on edge.

“Xandria?” Wanda asked. Xandria drew in her mind and moved towards the elevators. “Is everything alright?” 

Xandria nodded, giving Wanda a small smile.

“I wanted to check on Barnes before I met Fury.” 

The other telepath opened her mouth, but shut it again as the elevator door slid open and Captain Rogers stepped out.

“Oh good, you're both here.” He said, stepping back into the car and holding the doors open with one hand. “Fury wants me to escort the two of you to dinner.”

“Well, the more the merrier.” Xandria said as she stepped into the elevator. Wanda followed, and Rogers let the doors close. She wanted to ask him if he knew Barnes was on the floor, but was certain the answer would be yes. And she wanted to ask if he knew that Barnes seemed to be kept in a state of near-constant sedation. Sadly, she was just as sure that the answer would also be yes. 

They rode in silence, but Wanda's mind twitched against Xandria's.

 _Are you always this quiet, or is something wrong? You're reading kinda strange_ Xandria said, reaching out to the other telepath. Wanda's shoulders tensed, but Rogers didn't seem to notice.

 _I... I still don't feel like I belong here_. Wanda sent back. She pulsed over a memory, the nightmare she'd pulled from Rogers' brain a year ago. _I think you'll do better. You're not... dark, like me_.

Xandria winced as the vision played through her mind, but smoothed her expression when Rogers glanced at her in the reflective elevator doors.

 _You're not dark, Wanda. Hydra was dark, and their dark rubbed off on you. There's a difference_. Xandria sent a soothing calm to her friend. _Bad people don't feel the shame and remorse that you do_.

An unexpected ding made both women tense, and the doors slid open. Xandria took a deep breath and braced herself to face off with Fury for Barnes' sake.

“Ladies, after you.” Rogers said, motioning them out of the elevator. Wanda went first, stepping to one side so Xandria could step out beside her. Rogers followed, and the elevator car left with a whisper of air. They were left standing in a living room decorated austerely in black and grey, the couch done in leather and the walls papered in the same silk-like material as Xandria's room. The entire far wall was dominated by fake windows, a continuous image running along all of them: a treescape swaying in a gentle storm. Hidden speakers filled the room with the soft sounds of rain and wind, and the air blown in had the slight scent of a storm to it. Xandria's eyes went wide.

“State of the art in artificial environmental augmentation.” Fury said, stepping into the room from a side corridor.

The trio turned to face him and Xandria's resolve faltered as she met the legendary Nick Fury face to face.

“You have a beautiful home, Agent Fury.” She said automatically, motioning to the living room. He took her hand and gave a firm, brief shake.

“I should hope so, I paid decorators good money to design it.” He laughed a little, and Xandria laughed with him. “Miss Wesson, I'd like to welcome to you to the team, and to my home.” 

“Thank you, Agent Fury. It is such an honor to work with the Avengers.” 

“Don't go talking about honor just yet. Some of these folks can be a real pain in the ass.” 

Rogers snorted softly, and Xandria turned to look at him. She had never imagined that Captain America snorted. 

“He's got a point.” Rogers said, stepping around Xandria to shake Fury's hand. “Wait until you meet Stark and Barton.” 

Xandria glanced at Wanda, who only shrugged and gave a small smile.

“Speaking of, the rest of the team is waiting in the dining room. If you'd all follow me please.” Fury said, nodding at Wanda before turning back to the hall he had emerged from.

Rogers followed behind him, with Wanda and Xandria trailing after.

 _Be careful of Fury_. 

The thought caught Xandria off guard. Wanda didn't look at her, but Xandria could see her mouth tighten.

 _He took down Hydra, saved your brother and Barnes. You don't trust him_? Xandria sent back. But even as she defended Fury, she flashed back to the sensation of Barnes' sedated, broken mind.

 _That's exactly what I'm talking about_ Wanda had caught the echo of Barnes' mind. _He's more comfortable in the shadows than even I think is natural. He'd sacrifice every one of us if it meant protecting this country. He has good intentions, but I fear his methods and so should you_. 

“Miss Wesson,” Fury said, and for a panicked moment Xandria thought he might have caught Wanda's message. But he was holding out a chair to the right of the table's head, and motioning her into it.

“Thank you.” Xandria said, smiling tightly as she took the seat.

“Wesson, so good of you to join us!” Tony said from her left, slipping one arm around her shoulders in a hug. “No hard feelings, right? About earlier?” He batted his eyes at her, lips slightly pouted. 

“Stark, what the hell did you do?” Fury asked, pausing just a moment to glare at Tony before he took his own seat.

“Oh nothing, nothing.” Tony withdrew his arm, and Xandria took the opportunity to shrug out of her cardigan and drape it over the arm of her chair. “I just needed to test the new Iron Army propulsion system, so I had FRIDAY give her a lift to the Avengers Tower hangar.” Tony took a sip of whiskey as the table fell silent.

“Tested?” Xandria asked, blinking at him. “As in 'this might crash and kill you' kind of tested?”

“Give me more credit than that.” Tony said, casting a reproachful glance at her. “The odds of failure were incredibly low.”

“Stark -” Fury began, but he cut off as a gust of wind rustled Xandria's hair and Tony's head jerked forward with a cracking sound.

“Did you see that?” Tony roared. “Minute Man over there just hit me!” 

All eyes went to Pietro at the other end of the table, who was a wide-eyed picture of innocence as he sipped a glass of wine.

“I didn't see a damn thing, Stark.” Fury said, smirking. “But if Maximoff did hit you, it was probably deserved.” Tony sat back in his seat, pouting at his whiskey, but it only lasted a moment. Fury pressed a button on the arm of his chair, and half a dozen servants emerged from a door Xandria hadn't noticed behind the Maximoffs. Each servant carried two plates of salad, and within moments the entire assembly was served. 

Xandria glanced down her side of the table, noting who was present. Tony was to her left, then Banner, Barton, Romanov, and Wilson. Rogers was seated opposite Fury, which Xandria found telling. Pietro was on Rogers' left and Wanda was seated beside him. The Vision was at her other side, deep in conversation with Rhodey. Maria Hill sat across from Stark, though Xandria only recognized her from personnel files she'd been given before her train ride from the school to New York City. The woman across from Xandria was a mystery, but she smiled at her all the same. The other woman did not smile back, her sharp features remaining impassive. Fury glanced from one woman to the other and sighed.

“Agent May, could you at least try being social?” He asked, then turned to Xandria. “This is Agent Melinda May, she's here representing Director Coulson.”

Agent May nodded to Xandria, who returned the gesture. But neither woman spoke. Xandria got the feeling that Agent May would have resented being pulled into a conversation.

“So, uh, Xandria,” Banner said, leaning around Stark. “How were your quarters?”

“Oh, absolutely gorgeous.” She said, learning around Stark as well. She smiled at the tousled-looking scientist, and he smiled back. “I don't know what I expected, but they're much nicer than I imagined. Nicer than my rooms at ho- at the school.”

“How long were you with Professor Xavier?” Rhodey asked, sipping a glass of wine. 

“My entire life, essentially. I came to the school when I was four.” Xandria took a bite of salad, looking at her plate. She wasn't fond of where these questions always led.

“I didn't think mutants presented until close to puberty.” Vision said. Wanda elbowed him and he looked down at her, but he didn't seem to understand. “Do you suffer from precocious puberty, Miss Wesson?”

More than one person choked, but Xandria was not one of them. She only smiled at Vision. It wasn't the first time the theory had been put forward.

“No, I don't.” She took a breath and set aside her salad fork, the greens suddenly unappetizing. “Mutations don't just present at puberty, though that is most common. The specific trigger, as far as we can tell, is intense or constant stress.”

“Wanda and I were only ten.” Pietro said softly, not looking up from his plate. Nobody looked at Stark, and he wouldn't lift his eyes from the plate.

“I see I have created tension. It was not my intent.” Vision said, looking around. Wanda and Pietro shook their heads, Wanda coupling the action with a smile.

When Vision looked at Xandria, she gave him a smile as well.

“You're not the first person to assume something is wired wrong with me.” She said, shrugging. Nobody seemed inclined to talk, so she cast her eyes around for anyone not looking at their plates. Only Rogers, Fury, and May would meet her eyes. The only thing she could think to say was that there was already an issue with Barnes' treatment, but she knew it was the exact wrong moment to bring it up.

 _Pietro suggests asking about Thor_. Wanda's thought brushed against Xandria's mind, and she sent a burst of gratitude in return.

“So,” Xandria glanced down at her plate, then around the table once more. “I noticed Thor doesn't seem to be on base. Is he still active with the team?”

Fury looked at her for a moment, then let a smile cross his face.

“Active enough, but being the Crowned Prince of an entire civilization comes with its own set of responsibilities.” Fury shook his head slightly, and the tension in the room seemed to deflate.

“Besides,” Barton chipped in. “He probably wouldn't fit at the table.” Romanov elbowed him, but it didn't stop him and Stark from snickering. Others joined in, sharing benign bits of news about Thor and, in Romanov's case, Jane Foster. It meant almost nothing to Xandria, having never met either of them, but it was nice to hear small talk fill the room again. She glanced at Wanda and the two shared a grin. Xandria also caught Pietro's eye and gave him a smile, which he returned with a sly wink.

“Everyone ready for the next course?” Fury asked. When nobody disagreed, he pressed another button. The servants appeared to clear the salad and then returned with plates of steak, potatoes, and brussel sprouts.

“I had a little help choosing the menu tonight. Your favorite, if I'm not mistaken?” Fury said, motioning at Xandria's plate. 

“It is, yes.” She replied, the aroma making her mouth water. Small talk faded to an unimportant buzz as she cut into her steak. It was cooked exactly how she liked it: medium rare, closer to rare. The potatoes were creamy with just a hint of cheddar mixed in, and the brussel sprouts had been cooked with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. “Absolutely perfect.” She sighed. For a few moments, she let herself forget the sensation of Barnes' broken, sedated mind.

“I don't think I've seen someone enjoy their food this much since Barton got back from that deep cover op in the middle of the Atlantic.” Romanov said, smiling when Xandria looked at her.

“I swear those rations were left over from World War II.” Barton muttered, cutting into his own steak. “I can still taste them in my nightmares.”

“Come on now, World War II rations weren't so bad. The leftovers from World War I were way worse.” Rogers added. The conversation froze, and then half the table burst out laughing. “What?” Rogers asked, cutting into a steak that was easily twice the size of anyone else's. Except Pietro and Banner's.

The conversation ground to a more comfortable halt. Cutlery clinked on china and the soft sounds of chewing could be heard. Xandria felt contentment radiating out from her companions, and she let it soak into her as she ate.

“I think this meal should be classified unfit for mixed company.” Stark groaned as he finished his steak. 

“If we haven't banned you from polite society yet, this steak is probably safe.” Rhodey muttered. Xandria tried to laugh and nearly choked on her mouthful of potatoes. Stark clapped her once on the back and she coughed indelicately, face flushed crimson.

“Smooth Stark. This is, what, the second time you've nearly killed her today?” Wilson said.

“Wha - me?!” Stark put one hand to his chest. “That was all Rhodey.”

“Oh no, don't put this on me. You're the one talking about socially inappropriate meat.”

Xandria put one hand over her face and trained her eyes on the table, trying not to laugh. 

“That's the real trick,” Hill said, leaning back in her chair. “Just don't encourage them.” The laughter doubled, and Xandria couldn't help herself. She laughed with the rest of them.

“Children,” Fury said between chuckles. “I swear to god you're all children.” The laughter slowly slowed down. “I think,” Fury continued, “it is time for dessert.”

Another press of the button and the mostly-empty dinner plates were taken away. A plate of lemon raspberry cake was laid before each of them, and a glass of milk set to the side.

“Milk?” Stark asked, eyebrow arching as he glanced at Fury. The other man only shrugged.

“I said you were all children.” He replied. Xandria smiled, but her mirth had died. 

Professor Xavier had shared a final, private meal with her before putting her on a train for the city. It had been almost identical to Fury's spread, down to the lemon raspberry cake. And it was as they had shared that cake that Professor Xavier had given her the intelligence folder on what had been done to Barnes. She didn't get half way through the file before getting sick. And now she looked at the cake on her plate with the memory of Barnes' fragmented mind in her head.

“Something wrong, Miss Wesson?” Fury asked. The subsequent silence was so sudden that it made Xandria's ears ring.

“No,” She began, then shook her head. “Well, yes, actually. But it's probably best to wait until after dinner.” She smiled around the table. “I don't want to ruin dessert for everyone. This cake looks amazing.”

Fury stared at her, his fork poised above his plate. He slowly set it to the side, and the rest of the team followed suit. Only Stark and Pietro kept eating. Fury didn't look at either of them.

“Miss Wesson, we're here to celebrate your addition to the team. If something is bothering you, I'd like to know about it.” He said. Xandria sighed and set her fork down. She took a moment to pat her mouth with her napkin and lay it on the table before folding her hands in her lap.

“I discovered that Barnes is being kept on the same floor as my quarters.” She said. “And that he's in a near-constant state of heavy sedation.”

Hill, Fury, and May all flicked annoyed glances at the Maximoffs, but Xandria shook her head.

“They didn't tell me, I could feel him when I got out of the elevator.” She stared at Fury until he replied. Someone - Stark or Barton most likely - whistled a low note of surprise as she stared Fury down.

“You were placed near to him in the event there was emergency need of the isolation provided by your quarters.” Fury said. He leaned back in his seat and folded his hands in his lap. He seemed satisfied with this answer, but Xandria shook her head.

“That makes sense and it is appreciated. But that's not the problem.” She said. She tried to keep her lips from pursing but she couldn't help it.

“Then what is?” Fury asked. 

Xandria could feel warning signals coming from Wanda, but she couldn't back down now. She regretted the discomfort she could feel radiating from her teammates, but she could feel bursts of support as well. And they gave her the courage to push the issue.

“If Barnes is sedated, he can't consent to telepathic interference. I won't go into his mind uninvited.” She said. The reactions were immediate. Pietro, Romanov, Fury, Hill, and May were too locked down for her to get a read on them, and Vision was still too foreign. But most of the team were heavy projectors. 

Banner was uncomfortable, worried that the tension in the room would bring out the Hulk. Stark was impressed with Xandria's daring, and more than mildly amused by the irritation in Fury's expression. Both Rhodey and Wilson were wishing they were miles away from the scene unfolding in front of them, though Wilson was equally concerned about Rogers. Barton's main emotion was surprise, though he was just as impressed as Stark. And as loud as Wanda was in her head, flooding her with support and encouragement, Rogers was even louder. Xandria was certain he didn't know how loud he was being, and she knew he wouldn't want her knowing the things that she was learning. Like the depths of his fear or how much he had pinned on Barnes' recovery. And how close he was to breaking down. Xandria wanted to reassure him, but first she had to settle with Fury.

Not even Stark dared a joke. Neither Fury nor Xandria blinked, though gods know she wanted to. She was determined that Fury would break the silence. And she got her wish.

“Professor Xavier told me all about the rules he taught you.” Fury said. “And I'm going to show you the same thing I showed him.” He rose from his seat and retrieved another controller from the wooden buffet behind the Maximoffs. When he had returned to his seat, he shook his head and sighed.

“You know, maybe you do have the gift of precognition after all.” Fury said. Xandria flinched slightly, but kept her face neutral. She suddenly wished she'd asked Professor Xavier how much he'd told Fury about her mutation.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“I'm about to play a recording of Barnes' intake interview. And you were right, it would have probably been better to wait until after dessert.”

She and Fury glanced at Rogers. His jaw was set so tight Xandria was shocked his teeth weren't cracking. But he nodded at them.

“I want to see it.” He said. “I would have wanted to see it sooner, had I known it existed.”

“And that's why I never told you.” Fury answered. He pushed a few buttons on the remote, and the picture hanging over Rogers' head flickered into the image of James Buchanan Barnes. It was not the smirking man from the World War II photos, or the dead-eyed man in the Soviet files. This James Buchanan Barnes was a broken man, his face torn between anger and utter despair. Xandria's steak roiled in her stomach. Her eyes dropped to Rogers as his mind twisted in pain. His face was unreadable.

“Pay attention, Miss Wesson. I don't want to have to play this a second time.” Fury said. Xandria wanted to glare at him, but didn't. The video flickered to life.

“Why am I doing this?” Barnes' voice was a gravelly rasp and clearly under-used.

“There has to be an official paper trail.” Coulson's voice came from off-camera. Barnes' expression tightened for a moment. Then he sighed and leaned forward, his hands interlocked on the table in front of him and his hair obscuring his eyes.

“I didn't come here for giggles.” Barnes said. He looked up, directly into the camera. His expression was so lost, and so scared, that Xandria wanted to send comfort to him through the screen. “I give SHIELD permission to do anything they think might fix me.” He paused, his gaze flicking to where Xandria assumed Coulson stood. “Fix me or kill me. Just don't leave me like this.”

The video stopped, the frame filled by an utterly hopeless James Barnes. Xandria's face was burning hot, but she didn't want to be the first one to break the silence. She couldn't even take her eyes off the man on the screen, until Fury returned the image to that of a classical painting. Rogers stood so fast that his chair slammed into the wall behind him. Xandria flinched at every footfall as he stormed from the room.

“Is that enough consent for you, Miss Wesson?” Fury asked coldly. Xandria could only nod, her eyes on the table. “I think we've all had enough fun for one night.” Fury stood from the table and the rest of the team followed suit. Xandria rose slowly and followed the team out, head bowed. 

It wasn't shame that made her hang back, though that was certainly running through her. It was the pain she saw on Barnes' face, and the fear she felt inside of Rogers. Barnes had given consent, as much as he was able, but now she worried she wouldn't be able to fix him. And if she didn't, there was every chance her failure would destroy Rogers as well.

Wanda caught up to her, touching her arm briefly. Pietro came up on her other side and handed her the cardigan she had left behind.

 _Strength, Xandria_. Wanda sent. _You did the right thing._

Xandria was too tired to send back and only shook her head.

“Thank you all for a lovely evening.” Fury motioned them all towards the elevators. “Miss Wesson, I will see you at the door to Barnes' quarters at 0800. Is that clear?” 

Again, Xandria could only nod.

Fury walked down a corridor on the other side of the living room, and the team was left to pile into the elevator. They rode together to the main floor of the base where they split into different groups. 

“Miss Wesson,” Rogers said, remaining behind. “May I see you to your quarters?” 

Xandria sent a panicked question to Wanda, but she only got a soothing sensation back as the twins walked away. 

“Thank you, Captain.” She said, eyes downcast. He keyed in the code for her floor, and the elevator shifted into motion. The ride to her quarters hadn't seemed so long earlier that afternoon.


	4. A Walk with the Captain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The companion playlist for this chapter can be found at http://8tracks.com/bigbandbombshell/a-walk-with-the-captain.
> 
> For more Marvel-ous things, check me out at http://bigbandbombshell.tumblr.com/ or on Twitter as BigBandBombshll

The silence in the elevator seemed suffocating.

“Captain,” Xandria began, but Rogers shook his head.

“You don't have to explain. I really do appreciate how insistent you are for Bucky's consent.” His face was sincere, but the pain around his eyes broke Xandria's heart. 

“I know how badly you want Barnes to come out of this okay.” Xandria said in a rush. She held her breath as he looked at her, afraid he'd assume the worst. He only shook his head and gave her a tight, hollow smile.

“Thank you Miss Wesson, but I don't think you do.”

Xandria let out the breath she'd been holding and bit her lip. She looked up at him for a moment, then sighed.

“Captain, did you know you're a projector?” She asked, eyes on the elevator's gray industrial carpet.

“A what?” Rogers' eyebrows drew together and he frowned.

“A projector. When you feel strongly about something, you broadcast it.” Xandria glanced up at him, but had to look away again when she found him staring at her. “Your fear spiked at dinner and -” She cut off as Rogers' jaw tightened and his eyes narrowed. Her cheeks flushed, and she thanked the gods when the elevator door's opened with a gentle ding.

“I'm so sorry, Captain.” She mumbled as she pushed past him and out into the hallway. 

“Miss Wesson, wait.” Rogers' voice echoed down the hall as he followed her. She felt a sudden pulse of anger from Barnes' mind, followed by the sounds of slamming and grunts of pain as his guards' minds buzzed with alarm. Rogers' shoulders tensed and his eyes went past her to lock on the door to Barnes' rooms. The assassin's mind quieted a moment later and Xandria knew he'd been sedated again. She almost felt grateful. “Fix me or kill me” he'd said. There were no other options.

A guard slipped into the corridor a few moments later and hurried toward them. He nodded to Xandria, then saluted Captain Rogers.

“I'm sorry Captain, but you can't let him know you're here. He's too unstable.” The man said, hands held out apologetically. Rogers' expression was understanding as he nodded, even as his pain sounded like a siren in Xandria's mind. He gave her a sharp look and she realized he wasn't about to let the conversation drop.

“My quarters should muffle your voice enough, Captain.” Xandria offered. “If you want to finish this conversation before I begin Barnes' treatment tomorrow.”

Rogers nodded again, then gave the soldier a quick salute. The man returned it before he hurried back to Barnes' room. Xandria unlocked her apartment door and motioned Rogers inside. They faced each other on the other side of the door, neither sure where to begin.

“Miss Wesson, I am very confused.” Rogers said slowly. “I thought you didn't read people without their consent.” He crossed his arms over his chest and regarded her with a tight expression. Xandria didn't need her powers to sense his hurt and anger.

“I don't go into people's minds without permission. There's a difference.” Xandria sighed as she dropped into an armchair. Rogers lowered himself onto the nearby couch and leaned forward attentively, elbows on his knees and hands clasped together.

“Emotions are public, even for normal people. Body language, facial expressions, and so on.” She began, and Rogers nodded. “For telepaths, there's another level. A kind of outward marker indicating how someone is feeling and, usually some of the reason why. There are, of course, exceptions like Romanov or Pietro. But, by and large, surface level emotions are easy to read without going into someone's mind.”

“So most people are... projectors... then?” Rogers asked. Xandria watched some of the tension go out of his shoulders as the taint of betrayal faded from his emotions. Relief flooded through her.

“No, not quite.” She sat up straighter, “Projectors broadcast more than their surface emotions. You -” She hesitated, but Rogers nodded for her to continue. “You project your deeper feelings, their roots... everything.”

Surprise crossed Rogers' face, closely followed by embarrassment. He sat back on the couch and rubbed both hands over his face.

“Have you told anyone else? Talked to anyone?” Xandria asked. Rogers' answering laugh was an ugly sound.

“Who can I tell?” He asked as he dropped his hands. “The team can't know how unstable I am, and SHIELD definitely shouldn't find out.”

“Wilson is really worried about you, and so is Romanov. You could talk to them.” Xandria's voice was gentle, but Rogers still rocked off the couch to pace in front it, hands clenched at his sides and shoulders tight.

“Romanov will tell Fury and Wilson needs to believe the head of his team is battle-ready.” His voice was low, but it rumbled through the living room. His determination hit her like a storm wave as he paced in front of her. He wouldn't be going to anyone else.

“Then there's only one option.” She sighed. Rogers glanced at her sharply. “I simply can't fail Barnes.”

Rogers stared at her for a few breaths, then turned and walked to the other side of the room. He stopped short of entering her kitchen and turned back. Xandria watched him pace and tried to ignore the emotions he was projecting. The back and forth effect of his internal struggle was dizzying. 

“You've read his file, right? You know what they did to him?” Rogers asked as he glanced at her. Xandria nodded, her stomach souring at the memory of the file's contents. Rogers walked back to her and stood beside her chair. “Would it help you to know what he was like before they got their hands on him?” 

His voice was flat, and for a moment Xandria just blinked at him. But he stared at her until she slowly nodded.

“It would, yes. Between your knowledge of the real James Barnes and the information in his file, I stand a better chance of putting him back together.” She held up one finger. “Note that I said 'better'. Not 'good' or 'decent'. Just better.” Rogers nodded in understanding. He dropped back onto the couch and rolled his shoulders, his hands tight with nerves. 

“So how does it work?”

“The simple explanation is that you're going to pull up your memories about Barnes and I'll watch them like a movie.”

“Okay, that's easy enough.” Rogers sat back. “Now what's the detailed explanation?”

Xandria sighed and kicked off her heels before tucking her legs underneath her on the chair.

“Your memories will seem much, much more vivid. Something about my mutation brings back aspects of the memory that you wouldn't normally call up. If there's anything I think would help Barnes, I'll collect it and take it with me when I sever our connection. Smells, feelings, sounds... that sort of thing.”

“You're going to take away parts of my memory?” Rogers' brows drew together. Xandria shook her head.

“It's more like making a copy.” She assured him.

“Anything else?” He asked.

“I'll need you get comfortable, and I'll need to keep track of the pulse in your wrist while I'm inside.”

“Why?” Even as he asked he was arranging the throw pillows and turning to lie along the couch's length.

“The comfort will help you concentrate and your pulse lets me know if it get's too intense for you.” Xandria moved to the floor and knelt at Rogers' side.

“Can you just read my emotions?” He asked.

“I'll be too focused on the memories. It's easy to miss current emotional cues when I'm inside like this.”

“Oh, well... yeah, I guess that makes sense.” Rogers said with a loose nod. Xandria couldn't help by laugh.

“Comfortable?” Xandria asked as the laugh faded.

“As comfortable as I'm going to get.” He said, his eyes trained on the ceiling.

“Good. I'm about to create a bridge from my mind to yours.”

“How will I know when you're ready?” Rogers asked, glancing at her. Xandria gave him a reassuring smile.

“It'll feel a bit like falling, but don't fight it.” She replied. He nodded and looked up again, closing his eyes. “When you feel me connect to your mind, I need you to focus on Barnes. Start wherever you feel comfortable and I'll do the rest.”

“Okay,” Rogers said. He took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay, I'm ready.”

Xandria closed her eyes and breathed out. She didn't breathe in again until Rogers did and within a few breaths their breathing and heart rate were in sync. She sent her mind forward and it slid along the music of Rogers' mind until it found a way inside. As unique as Rogers was, the entry point of his mind was like most everyone else's. Xandria could see the self she projected into others' minds when she Walked, but that was all she could see. She stood in a void that seemed to twist around her. She could find her own way to Rogers' memories of Barnes, but it was always better for the memories to be revealed by their owner.

 _Think of Barnes, Captain_. She thought. For a moment it seemed that Rogers wouldn't be able to focus his mind. 

And then the darkness twisted into color and light.

An entire world exploded into life around her. Xandria was in a tiny Brooklyn tenement that echoed with the shrieks of playing children. A sickly boy of maybe ten was sitting on a sofa pushed against the far wall of the small room. He was playing with a girl no more than three, each of them holding soft cotton dolls that looked handmade and well-loved. When the boy threw a watchful glance at the rest of the children, Rogers' blue eyes and sharp features were unmistakable.

“I knew you were a pansy, Rogers. But I didn't know you were a girl too!” An older boy, maybe thirteen, had wandered in from the hall. Two more teenage boys followed in behind him, their thumbs tucked into the waists of their trousers. The reek of cheap aftershave applied too thick permeated the room as the boys sauntered in. They pushed the smaller kids out of the way until they loomed over Rogers and the little girl on the couch.

“Let up, Mark. I'm just helping Buck watch the other kids.” Rogers said as he looked up at the bully.

“You know, I'da been nicer to you if you'd just told me you was a girl.” Mark ignored Rogers and went on. “Being a weak little shit is fine for a -” Mark's voice choked off as he toppled forward onto the ground. He landed with a staccato of heavy thuds that rang in Rogers' memory.

“Shut your damn mouth, Mark.” A dark-haired boy stood behind Mark's friends, hands balled into fists. “Rogers is twice the guy you are.”

“What's wrong Barnes, are you in love with the pussy or something?” Mark spat, standing up in a scramble of limbs. He tried to loom over Barnes, but was only marginally taller than the younger boy.

“He's my friend, stupid.” Barnes said with a roll of his eyes. “You're the one following him around and calling him a girl.” A grin lit Barnes' face, a seed of the smirk he'd break hearts with in a few years. “Oh man, it all makes sense. _You're_ in love with him!” Barnes' laughter rang through the room and the younger kids joined in. “I don't think you're his type.” He added.

Mark lunged and tackled Barnes to the ground. Rogers shot to his feet but Mark's friend pushed him back to the couch. The little girl sitting beside him started to cry, yelling something in her baby language that nobody understood. Rogers glared at the older boys, but stayed beside the girl and put a protective arm around her. Mark and Barnes wrestled at their feet, the fight dragging on and on through the lens of Rogers' memory.

Barnes managed to get on top of Mark, straddling the older boy as he rained down punch after punch.

“Never mess with Steve again, get it?” He screamed, voice high and thin.

“Yes, yes!” Mark's voice cracked, screeching over the words. He fought his hands up to his face and tried to protect it from Barnes' assault. Barnes just hit him harder.

“Say you're sorry!” He demanded. Mark's voice was shrill as he screamed an apology. Barnes grabbed him by the collar, one fist raised as he glanced over at the couch. Rogers nodded quickly, and Barnes gave Mark one final blow before getting to his feet.

“Don't ever let me catch you botherin' Steve again, ya hear?” Barnes said. He glared at the older boys and wiped his bloody knuckles on his trouser leg. Copper tinged the air as Rogers' eyes saw the blood and Xandria repressed the scent, letting the smell of boiling cabbage, strong vinegar, and compressed humanity permeate the scene again.

Mark's friends hauled him to his feet and they stumbled over one another trying to get out into the hall and away from the apartment. Their footsteps pounded down the hall like a retreat command.

“You okay Buck?” Rogers asked, his arm still around the crying toddler. She reached for Barnes as he knelt beside the couch and retrieved the doll she had dropped.

“Better'n fine,” Barnes grinned. “I won did'n I?”

Rogers just nodded and Barnes handed the doll to the girl and smoothed her short hair. She smiled at him and pressed the other doll into Steve's hand as the memory begin to slide away.

 _Who's the little girl_? Xandria asked. Rogers response was a series of images that flashed by Xandria: Rogers standing beside Barnes as the little girl was Christened Rebecca Anna Barnes. Rebecca learning to walk by toddling between Rogers and her brother. Rebecca waving goodbye to her brother on the pier the day he went to war. And, at the end, Rogers standing beside her grandchildren as they laid her to rest only three years ago. Xandria reached out and lay a hand on the shoulder of Rogers' memory self and the real Rogers answered with a shimmer of thanks.

 _Show me more, everything you can remember_. 

Rogers moved faster this time, and the memories hit Xandria hard. Years came and went, each one filled with bullies, beatings, and Barnes. The other boys grew taller and broader but Rogers' frame only seemed to shrink by comparison. No matter how many fights he got in, Barnes was always right there. Sometimes he stepped in and sometimes he patched Rogers up afterwards. But he never missed a chance to be there for his best friend.

They grew from boys into teenagers. Sports and girls came easily to Barnes while Rogers remained in the shadows. Xandria expected resentment but found that Rogers had none. She watched Prohibition come to an end and the Great Depression come on and pass by. Barnes and Rogers stood together through all of it. And when World War II arrived, it found Barnes and Rogers as two young men eager to fight for their country. Rogers' pulse spiked again as the memories around Xandria sprouted soldiers, ration posters, and papers with wartime headlines.

 _Just a little bit more, Captain_. She soothed. _Remember, they're only memories_.

The stench of garbage filled Xandria's nose as brick walls shimmered into existence around her. Rogers was on the ground, the blood from his nose tinging the scene with the tang of iron. A man loomed over him, fists ready to knock Rogers down the moment he got back up. And then he was gone. 

“Hey, pick on someone your own size.” A deep voice echoed off the bricks as a broad back in Army green got between Rogers and his attacker. Barnes. The big guy lunged but Barnes ducked and sent him spinning away with a hard right hook. Barnes kicked him in the seat of his pants for good measure and sent him stumbling off down the alley. 

“Sometimes I think you like getting punched.” Barnes sauntered over as Rogers picked himself up and tried to dust the alley's filth from his clothes.

“I had him on the ropes.” Rogers insisted.

Barnes bent and picked up a slip of paper from the ground.

“How many time is this?” His lips turned down and his brows drew together as he looked over the card in his hands. “Oh, you're from Paramus now?”

Rogers rolled his eyes as he dusted his hands but Barnes didn't stop.

“You know it's illegal to lie on the enlistment form. And, seriously, Jersey?”

This time Barnes smirked when Rogers looked up at him. And that's when he noticed the uniform. It felt like a gut punch and Rogers couldn't stop his head from jerking back.

“Get your orders?” He asked. He eyed the uniform and felt something sick twist in his gut. Rogers wanted to wear that uniform, to fight beside Barnes and serve like his father had. But he couldn't even win a fight in a Brooklyn alley.

Brick walls and dented garbage cans faded until only Rogers and Barnes remained. Rogers' pain lanced through Xandria's consciousness and she pushed it away. 

_There's nothing to be done now. All we can do is press on_.

The images in front of her shimmered and vanished as the pain faded away. Lights began to shimmer in the darkness. Distant at first, they rushed at her until they overtook her. Xandria threw her arms over her face and gasped as the lights reached her, just to hear the sound of laughter swell around her. She lowered her arms and found herself surrounded by a sea of people, lights twinkling overhead from a thousand bulbs strung between buildings. Fireworks exploded overhead and more light poured from display buildings. 

“What'd you tell her about me?” Xandria caught Rogers' voice through the hum of the crowd and turned around. Barnes was leading him towards the plaza she stood in, the crowd shifting around them when people caught sight of his dress uniform. Rogers was taking two steps for each of his one, struggling to keep up with his friend.

“Only the good stuff.” Barnes grinned as a petite brunette called his name from across the plaza. Xandria followed Rogers' gaze to a blonde waiting beside the brunette. And she marked the exact moment his date saw Rogers and the smile evaporated from her face. She hung back as her friend ran forward and embraced Barnes. Rogers smiled at her and she had the grace to return the expression. But as Xandria followed behind the group she saw the woman dodge Rogers' arm and cling to the hand her friend hadn't intertwined with Barnes'. Seventy years hadn't done much to dull Rogers' embarrassment as he followed behind the trio.

They wound through the expo, merging in and out of the throng at the whim of Barnes' date. The smell of roasted peanuts drew them to a vendor and each man bought a bag for his lady. As before, Rogers' date ignored him and stuck close to her friend, though he had all but stopped caring. He ate his peanuts as he wandered along behind them, occasionally answering a question from Barnes. 

The world around them blurred and reformed. Xandria was at the mouth of an enlistment office, watching as Barnes and Rogers argued. She could feel the sadness as it rolled of Rogers, but there was nothing she could do for him. The pulse under her fingers spiked as Barnes hugged Rogers and Xandria's throat tightened. The men separated and Barnes jogged off to gather a woman under each arm, but Rogers was already turning away. Guilt tinged the memory until Xandria felt sick.

_You couldn't have kept him safe, Captain _. Xandria pushed the guilt away. _He had his orders_.__

__The guilt dimmed, but traces of it lingered as the next memory materialized around her._ _

__Her breath fogged in front of her and branches whipped her face as she followed Rogers. A blur of greenery later and she watched as he threw three Hydra guards out the back of a truck. She followed him through a field of tanks and onto a low roof, her hair flying behind her in a memory of wind. The weapons on their enemies glowed blue and Xandria realized they were in the first Hydra base Rogers ever took down. Red Skull's base._ _

__She heard something heavy thud against metal and then the low murmur of voices. When she drifted back to Rogers he was freeing droves of men from cages set into the factory floor. He directed them out and then headed deeper into the base. His need to find Barnes - alive - filled the memory. Xandria gathered it close, pressing it into herself for later._ _

__Rogers rounded a corner and paused as a small form darted into the hall in front of him. He knew he should follow but a low, familiar, grumble from another room drew him away. At first Xandria thought it was empty, but Rogers knew better. Barnes was strapped to a table, his combat uniform ripped and stained from his last battle. He was alive and mumbling his name, rank, and serial number. His skin was pallid and bruised, the circles under his eyes a dark purple that matched the bruises along his arms._ _

__“Bucky,” Rogers ran to his friend's side. “Oh my god.” Anger and guilt rolled over Xandria as Rogers ripped the restraints from the edge of the table. “It's me, it's Steve.”_ _

__Barnes' eyes focused on Rogers' face and he stopped mumbling. At first he just stared, deaf to the explosions and screams echoing in from the main factory floor. Rogers' was beginning to worry he'd have to carry Barnes out when recognition finally crept into his friend's eyes._ _

__“Steve,” Barnes smiled as his eyes focused._ _

__Rogers helped him off the table, and Xandria wasn't the only one surprised when Barnes was able to stand on his own feet. Rogers wanted to hug him but settled for clapping one hand to his friend's head._ _

__“I thought you were dead.” He said._ _

__Barnes looked him over. Once, then twice. And then a third time._ _

__“I thought you were smaller,” was all he said._ _

__An explosion from the factory reminded Rogers of the danger they were in. Smoke was starting to curl in around the door and he could smell burning metal and wood. He turned back to Barnes, his eyes lingering on a framed map just long enough to memorize the locations of the pins. Then he grabbed Barnes and started dragging him towards the door._ _

__“Come on,” He said, eyes searching ahead for Hydra soldiers._ _

__“What happened to you?” Barnes asked as he struggled to get his feet under him._ _

__“I joined the army.”_ _

__Xandria followed as Rogers dragged Barnes through doors and down halls, searching for anyone still left in the building on his way to an exit. The walls all looked the same, and in Rogers' memory the complex dragged on and on. His heart rate was jumping under her fingers, and she laid a hand on the memory of his shoulder._ _

___We can move on, Captain. We don't have to linger here_._ _

__Light and sound screeched like a record dragged across the needle. Xandria stood beside Barnes as he yelled for Rogers to hurry, refusing to leave without his friend. They were separated by an impossible gap and the flames below were growing dangerously high. But just as Rogers was about to leap the world spun again._ _

__Snow fell around them as she slipped between dormant trees with the Howling Commandos. Despite the danger, Rogers exuded a feeling of security. Xandria collected that as well, feeling its roots in the knowledge that his men - that Barnes - had his back covered. And when the world jumped again to the crack of a sniper rifle, Xandria turned with Rogers to see a Hydra soldier fall out off a burned out building. Pride swept through the scene as Rogers turned back to where Barnes lay on the opposite hill, chambering another round. She tucked the pride into her collection as Rogers sped them on._ _

__Train tracks snaked through the valley below them and Xandria knew where Rogers had brought them. The mission, the train. The fall. Rogers was giving commands, but Xandria ignored them. She searched his feelings for something to collect. Anything to make reliving this worthwhile for Rogers. She found what she was looking for underneath his pride and his determination. His fear for Barnes' well-being was even stronger than his own. Once Xandria dug it out, it nearly overwhelmed her. She took as much into herself as she could and folded it in with the sensations she had already gathered. Some day, she knew, Barnes would need to know someone had felt fear **for** him, instead **of** him._ _

__Rogers was holding back and the memory slowed as the train approached. Xandria could feel Rogers' reluctance to live it again._ _

___I have enough for now. We can end this_. _ _

___Please... don't want to see it_. Rogers' voice was faint but unmistakable. Xandria's grip on Rogers' mind slipped in her shock. She reinforced the bond and found herself back on the ridge with the train bearing down. Someone was screaming and she looked over to find Barnes already falling over the edge, plummeting to the ground below. The memory of Rogers didn't turn, didn't seem to hear. But the Rogers under Xandria's fingers was in agony as Barnes grew smaller and smaller, coming closer and closer to the frozen ground below. _ _

__Xandria closed her eyes and picked through her own memories. Silence exploded from her and the scream faded. She crossed the bridge back into her own mind and hid inside for a breath, relishing the quiet and calm. Her mind held no horrors like Rogers' memories and she was grateful for it._ _

__She released his wrist and stood, legs cramped. Rogers kept his eyes closed and swallowed hard, his breathing shallow. Xandria got him a glass of water from the kitchen and set it on the end table. The room was silent as she settled back into the arm chair._ _

__“We should have gone back.” Rogers said as he sat up. He took a shaky breath and wiped the tears from his face. “Looked for his body. He would've died, but he wouldn't be...” he trailed off and jabbed his finger in the direction of Barnes' apartments. “He wouldn't be that.”_ _

__Xandria dug into her cardigan's internal pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. She handed it to him and waited until he'd dried his face and taken a drink of water before she spoke._ _

__“They already had him by the time you'd completed your mission.” She said softly. “Otherwise he would have died of exposure.”_ _

__Rogers nodded reluctantly and took another drink of water._ _

__“I've thought about that too. I just can't help -” He cut off, then shook his head. “No point in what-ifs. Now all we can do is pick up the pieces.”_ _

__“I meant what I said on the tarmac.” Xandria said. “I'll do everything I can to bring Sergeant Barnes back to you.”_ _

__“What I really want,” Rogers said, “is for you to bring him back to himself.”_ _

__They sat in silence as Rogers sipped the water and Xandria fought the urge to nod off. Walking was tiresome and it had been a long day before her trip through Rogers' mind._ _

__“An actual handkerchief?” Rogers asked suddenly. Xandria glanced at him and saw he was smiling. “It's even embroidered.” He held up her handkerchief and dangled the corner bearing her initials and a smattering of small blue flowers._ _

__“I like the classics.” Xandria replied with a shrug._ _

__“Well,” Rogers said, folding the cloth back up. “Thank you for the water and the hankie.” Rogers set both on the side table and stood up. Xandria stood as well and followed Rogers to the door of her apartment._ _

__“Thank you for the memories, Captain.” Xandria said. Rogers gave her a small but genuine laugh._ _

__“I think you can call me Steve at this point.” He said. Xandria flushed as she returned his smile. “Good night, Xandria.”_ _

__“Good night Cap - Steve.” Xandria replied as she opened the door._ _

__Rogers stepped out and headed towards the elevators. Xandria locked the door behind him and leaned against it heavily. She considered tidying the living room but the thought of doing more than cleaning her face and falling into bed was too daunting. Walker's Fatigue was coming over her fast and she knew she didn't have much time before she crashed. She headed into her bathroom and scrubbed off her makeup, then traded her dress for an over-sized cotton t-shirt._ _

__Her hands shook as she folded the dress and set it on the chair in one corner of her room. She crawled into bed and was asleep before her head hit the pillow, her dreams synced to the rhythm of a big band song she couldn't quite place._ _


	5. Smoke and Mirrors

It was 7:45 in the morning when Xandria knocked on the door to Barnes' quarters. 

“Lean in to the peephole.” Someone called from the other side.

Xandria obeyed and felt her eye grow warm. A second later something beeped and the door lock opened with a **thunk**. Someone pulled the door open and the chaos of Barnes' mind intensified. She reached her mind out to comfort him on instinct as she caught her breath and settled her senses.

“Miss Wesson, would you care to join us?” Fury's voice was sharp and Xandria snapped back into herself. He waited in the center of the room, face tight. A dozen guards loitered around him and Maria Hill sat at a desk of observation monitors on one side of the room. Xandria's brows drew together. She had only felt six minds from outside the room. A quick scan of the guards revealed most of them were guarded.

“Awfully dressed up for a visit to the Looney Tune in there.” Someone behind her muttered. She snapped around but the guards behind her were all straight-faced and shielded.

“Before we get started,” Fury called to her. She glared at the guards and turned back to find Fury frowning at her. “You and I need to clear a few things up.”

The hushed conversations around the room stopped completely. Xandria glanced around and saw every eye was on her.

“Perhaps we should step into the hall?” Xandria nodded back towards the door. Fury shook his head.

“Don't feel like wasting the time.” He said. Xandria felt her cheeks go hot as she nodded. 

“Last night got us off to a bad start. So let me be clear,” Fury put a hand on either hip. “Plenty of us appreciate what you're here to do for Barnes.”

“And I -” Fury held up a hand and Xandria trailed off, taking a deep breath to steady her temper.

“I'm not done.” He snapped. “As much as we appreciate your talents, it seems to me you've forgotten the main reason you were recruited.”

“To fix Sergeant Barnes.” Xandria snapped back.

 _Monster ain't worth fixing_. The thought flew at her from across the room. She tracked it back to a guard leaning against the wall. His face was neutral, but Xandria could feel the enjoyment he got as he watched Fury lecture her.

“Yes, so we can get information from him.” Fury said. “Hydra is still a very real threat, Miss Wesson. Barnes can help us take it down. He's an incredibly valuable -”

“Asset?” Xandria finished. She spat the word out and crossed her arms over her chest, but Fury just gave a slow, exaggerated nod.

“Oh good, we're on the same page,” he said. His smile made Xandria's cheeks go cold with anger.

Fury turned away. Xandria continued to glare at him until a guard stepped up to her.

“Ma'am?” He said. His mind wasn't shielded and Xandria swept against it roughly. He didn't seem to notice the scan or the way Xandria's jaw tightened when she felt his disgust of Barnes and contempt for her. For everyone like her - _freaks_. She jerked her mind back before she gave into the urge to punch him.

“We've set up a seat for you. Keep your distance from the asset.”

Xandria flinched but the man pressed on.

“And head for the door if he gets agitated. Four guards have been posted inside for your protection.”

Xandria nodded, not sure what would happen if she opened her mouth. She pushed past him and stood in front of the apartment's only interior door. The guard's annoyance spiked and she caught the word “bitch” muttered under someone's breath. She refused to turn around and track the source. The door clicked once and another guard pulled it open for her. She didn't hesitate as she stepped into Barnes' cell. She passed between two guards, each with a companion at their side. All four were armed with tranquilizer guns.

A chair sat alone in the center of a bright white room, facing a prison cot against the far wall. Sergeant Barnes sat on the cot, restrained by a series of straps and buckles that crisscrossed his chest and kept his arms immobile. His head hung down and, if it weren't for the buzz of his mind, Xandria would have though he was asleep.

“Sergeant Barnes?” She asked softly as she took her seat. 

He stirred on the cot and looked up at her. His hair hung forward and hid the sharp edges of his face. Stubble covered his cheeks and crept down to his neck, though it was shorter than it had been in Fury's intake video. They sat staring at each other silently for a few moments, Barnes looking her over while Xandria gently brushed the ragged edges of his mind.

“So you're the mutant.” His voice was even raspier in person.

“I am,” She smiled at him and got nothing in response. She wasn't surprised. “My name is Alexandria Wesson, but you can call me Xandria.”

“ 'S an odd name.” He mumbled. Something grated in his mind and he cleared his throat. “Pretty though.”

 _So the old Barnes surfaces now and then. That's good_. Xandria thought. 

“Thank you.” Xandria made sure she caught his eye when she smiled this time. Again she got nothing in response. Silence followed, broken only by the occasional sound of a guard shifting against the wall.

“So what're you gonna do to me?” Barnes asked. His gaze was steady on hers, clashing with the chaos that poured from his mind.

“I'm not actually going to _do_ anything to you.” She replied. Barnes arched an eyebrow.

“Then why the hell are you here?” 

A guard coughed over a snort of laughter and Xandria felt her cheeks flush. 

“I'm here to help you, but you're going to have to be the one doing the actual work.” She pulled her shoulders back as she spoke. “Think of me more as a guide. The human brain is complex enough without -” Xandria pressed her lips together and cursed herself. 

**Handle gently; flashbacks easily triggered**. It has been on page one of his file and she had scrubbed that warning in the first five minutes.

“Without Nazis and Soviets bringing in an eggbeater?” Barnes finished. His mouth twisted and for one panicked moment Xandria thought he was having a flashback. And then she recognized the expression as a smile.

“Something like that.” She answered. Barnes sighed as he let the expression fall and Xandria wondered how long it had been since he'd smiled. “Has anyone explained my mutation to you?” 

Barnes shook his head.  
“Don't even know what day it is.” He jerked his chin towards the guards. “Those four like to chat when I'm doped. It's the only reason I knew you were a mutant at all.” 

Xandria cast a cold glance at the guards, but they had all gone still as stone. For once she wished she could do what Wanda did. Barnes' guard crew was on her last nerve.

“Well, alright.” Xandria turned back to Barnes. She chewed her lip for a moment, then sighed. “The simplest explanation is that I will enter your mind and help you repair the damage they did, as best we can.”

“Are you sure you wanna go in there?” Barnes asked. Xandria's eyes widened in surprise as he went on. “I don't even like being in here. It's so damn loud all the time and - and - and there's some pretty awful stuff crawling around.”

Her heart twisted as Barnes' gaze drifted back down, his face drawn tight. She leaned forward in her chair and Barnes' gaze snapped back up.

“I'm sure.” She said firmly. “I'm going to do everything I can to help you. I promise I won't leave you like this.”

He glanced away sharply. Xandria sat back and let him have the silence he seemed to want.

“How are you going to get inside?” He looked up at her. “ Even I can't make it work right most of the time.”

“I'll bridge my mind to yours and stabilize you enough for me to get inside. From there we'll have to play it by ear.”

“So you just think real hard and _poof_ , you're in my brain?”

“Not exactly.” Xandria smiled softly and was rewarded with Barnes' brow relaxing slightly. “It takes a lot of practice to be able to enter someone else's mind. And I have a few conditions I use to make it easier.”

A choking wave of disgust and hate rolled over her and Xandria clenched her jaw. She cast back for it's source, driven by her own anger. There, the guard to the far left. She hated mutants, and hated Hydra more. Xandria gritted her teeth and fought the urge to pry into the woman's brain. Hating Hydra and fearing someone who was “other” was understandable, though only one was “okay” in any sense. But the intensity she leveled at Xandria and Barnes was frightening.

 _Bullet to the brain - easiest_. Another guard pulsed the thought out with the ease of someone who knew what he was doing. Xandria's stomach roiled and she pulled back into herself. Barnes watched her, eyes flicking from her tensed hands to her tightened mouth. Xandria willed herself to relax but knew she wasn't doing a good job. She still felt sick from the first emotional assault and still didn't know what to do with the second guard.

“To - to create the bridge,” she stuttered back on track. “I'll have to time your pulse with my hand. It helps keep us in sync while I -”

One of the guards stepped forward and cleared his throat.

“Ma'am, you really shouldn't touch the -” The guard began. He cut off short when Xandria looked up at him sharply.

“If you say 'prisoner' or 'asset' I will make sure you're busted down and blacklisted until you can't even say 'SHIELD clearance'. Is that clear?” She hissed the words as she rose to her feet and stepped toward him. The guard nodded with a mumbled “yes ma'am”. Xandria glared from guard to guard until each one had nodded. Her cheeks were white hot and her jaw ached as she struggled not to clench it even tighter. It took the last shred of her calm to keep her hands from balling into fists.

“Good,” she said. She turned back to Barnes and gave him a small smile. “I will be right back.”

He gave her a small nod, his body relaxed but his face tense.

She knocked on the door and waited for someone to unlock it. When she stepped out of the room, she found a displeased Fury waiting.

“You know you can't actually follow through on that threat, right?” He asked. 

“I know,” Xandria replied as she crossed her arms over her chest. “But I also know Steve would personally throw every guard here off this base if he found out how they're treating Barnes.”

“Is this about the sedation? Because I thought -” Fury's lips tightened as Xandria shook her head and cut him off.

“I'm talking about the guards' attitudes, the sterile cell, the restraints. Barnes isn't even sure how long he's been in there or what's happening to him.” She pointed back towards the Barnes' cell. “Is this any better than you treat hostile prisoners?”

“It's better than he got from Hydra.” Fury said. His words were clipped and Maria's eye widened behind him in warning.

Even Xandria was surprised when she barked out a laugh.

“That's not a hard bar to beat, sir.” She didn't try to hide the venom in her voice. “I want the guards out of that room while I'm working with him. And his conditions will improve, fast.” Fury arched an eyebrow, jaw tight.

“You don't give orders, Miss Wesson.” He said. Xandria just stared at him.

“He could kill you.” Maria cut in, learning forward in her chair.

“He won't.” Xandria stared at Hill until the other woman sat back and glanced at Fury.

“He's a trained, programmed Hydra weapon.” Fury said. “And you want us to... what? Let him loose in there? Give him a radio and a newspaper so he can make a nice set of lock picks and fight his way off base?”

“He wouldn't do that either.” Xandria turned her glare on Fury. “I'm not saying he needs a luxury suite. But a little color, some kind human interaction, and the occasional bit of privacy will do him a world of good.” She glanced at the guards around the room. “And these people would do well to remember he was once a Howling Commando and that he came here willingly.”

Fury stared at her. His anger washed over her without warning as he let the shield around his mind drop. Xandria breathed in sharply but kept her gaze locked to his. As suddenly as the emotion had appeared it was gone. The warning could not have been more clear. When Fury spoke, however, his voice was calm.

“Fine,” he said. “If you want to take a risk going in there alone, I defer to your professional judgment. As for everything else?” He smiled at her. “That's what you're here for.”

“You're putting Barnes' entire treatment in my hands?” She asked. Her own eyebrow arched and Fury nodded. “Good,” she said with a smile. It was worth the surprise in Fury's eyes. “I can't possibly do worse than you have so far.”

Xandria turned back to the cell door and waited while a guard unlocked it. She only hoped Fury and Hill couldn't see her hands shaking. Standing up to Fury was infinitely more terrifying than going into Barnes' cell alone. At least she could read Barnes.

“You four,” She said as she stepped inside. “Get out.” The guards hesitated until Fury whistled from the other room.

They filed out, eyes straight ahead, and Xandria closed the door behind them.

“They're really going to say out there?” Barnes asked and Xandria nodded.

“So long as we're working, nobody else is allowed in here.” She said.

“And - and when you're gone?” He looked up at her, eyes red and lips parted. His expression was so familiar it made her ache. She'd worked with new arrivals to Professor Xavier's school, had seen the terrifying hope on their faces when they learned they wouldn't have to go back to whatever had happened before. Families that didn't understand their abilities, that feared them. 

“I'm working on that.” She said gently. She picked up the chair she'd been sitting in and moved it to the end of Barnes' bunk. “Do you mind?” She asked. Barnes shook his head and she sat down.

“I'm going to take off your restraints, Sergeant. But I need you to make me a promise.” Barnes nodded so abruptly that his hair caught in his eyelashes. Xandria swept it out of his face without thinking.

“I need you to promise that you're not going to hurt me.” Xandria caught Barnes' gaze and held it as he shook his head.

“I don't want to hurt anyone, not ever again.” His voice broke and Xandria felt it like a blow to her stomach. She blinked back tears as she smiled and leaned toward him.

“Then you won't. Easy as that,” she said. 

He wore a long-sleeved black shirt that was soft beneath her fingers as she undid the buckles and straps of the restraint system. The shirt hid most of his left arm from view, but his fingers gleamed under the harsh overhead lights.

“You should be more comfortable now.” Xandria said. She dropped the restraints on the floor and dusted her hands together. Barnes gave a single, short snort of laughter and Xandria tucked it away to tell Steve about later.

“I'm going to take your wrist now.” She said. Barnes' right arm was limp as she took it in her fingers. He was paler than he'd been in photographs. Paler even than he'd been in Fury's recording. His skin was surprisingly soft under her fingers and scars criss-crossed his knuckles, leaving tracer lines of even paler skin across the backs of his hands. She found more marks running up his forearm as she pushed his sleeve up and laid her fingers over his pulse point. The beat hammered under her fingers.

“Can you calm your heart rate for me, Sergeant?” She asked quietly as she looked up at him. 

“I'm trying. I just -” Barnes took a deep breath and his heart rate stuttered, but did not slow.

“May I help?” Xandria asked. Barnes' brows drew together and he nodded.

Xandria closed her eyes for a moment turned inward. The warmth of her mother's quilt, the pleasure of a favorite meal, the comfort of a good night's sleep. She gathered the sensations together, adding in the feeling of safety she'd gathered from Steve's memories and the soft cotton of the doll Barnes' sister had loved. She stripped away the details, not sure what they would do him, and she was left with a concentrated sensation of comfort and safety. She pulsed it out to him and opened her eyes in time to see his go wide in surprise. His pulse stuttered again then slowed to a normal pace beneath her fingers. Barnes squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep, shaking breath. When he opened his eyes again, a tear dropped onto his cheek.

“I haven't - that was - how -” He stammered over the words. Xandria drew her handkerchief with her free hand and held it out. Barnes slowly reached for it with his left hand and Xandria pressed the cloth into his palm. He looked from his hand to her and then blotted the tear from his cheek.

“That's called a sensation burst.” She said as he handed the handkerchief back. “Can you tell me why your heart rate was so high?”

Barnes smiled again, but it was an ugly twist of his lips.

“I can't remember the last time someone laid hands on me for something other than combat or restraint. That's - that's all I can remember. Violence and restraints.” Barnes' voice faded to a mumble and Xandria took his free hand in hers.

“I'm going to change that.” She said.

He stared at her, eyes darting across her face.

“Why do you care?” He asked. His metal hand twitched in hers but Xandria only gripped it tighter.

“Because you were a good man who had awful things done to him. You are a hero who deserved better, and I'm going to make sure we do everything we can to make it right.”

Barnes' gaze settled on her eyes. She blinked at him slowly, refusing to stare in return. Seconds went by and then, slowly, Barnes nodded.

“Thank you.” He murmured. Xandria nodded, gave his hand a gentle squeeze, and then released it. She brought his right arm over to rest on her lap, fingers settled over his pulse once more.

“Let's get started.”

Barnes took a deep breath and nodded. He leaned back against the wall as Xandria settled into her chair. His pulse was slow and steady as she closed her eyes.

“Breath with me, Sergeant Barnes.” She murmured as she sent her mind towards him. She heard him take a deep breath. Felt his pulse spike for just a moment.

And then she was inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No playlist this time I'm afraid. I honestly couldn't find anything to match the tone that didn't act as a giant spoiler for the next two chapters.


	6. Author Update

CHAPTER SIX HAS BEEN WRITTEN.

That said, I wanted to let you know that it’s going to be another week before I get it posted. My husband and I are so slammed right now that is it literally making me ill, so I need a little bit of time to get chapter six edited and posted.

Chapter seven has also been (mostly) written, so please don’t think the fic is dying!

I am so sorry about this, and I will be getting ahead of the publication curve so this doesn't happen again.

(As a teaser: the next chapter is all about Bucky, and it's to get more Buck-a-rific from here on out!)


	7. Into the Breach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took so long! It's been written and edited for a while, but a huge mass of simultaneous life events took away my internet access and ability to post. But now I'm back! Chapter seven should be up next weekend, per the usual schedule. And I will be working on this fic for my NaNoWriMo work, so expect frequent updates! If y'all wanna stay current with any pauses in publications or the inspiration behind certain chapters/elemtns, follow me on twitter as @BigBombshll or on Tumblr as BigBandBombshell . The playlist for this chapter is Pixieteeth's "Trapped in Your Head". Find it at http://8tracks.com/pixieteeth/trapped-in-your-head

Barnes' mind was dark and surprisingly quiet.

 _I thought it was too loud_? Xandria pulsed the thought out. The darkness around her shivered. She felt cracks forming in the darkness around her only moment before the noise burst in. She covered her ears and fought the urge to fall to her knees.

 _I am a stone, I am The Guide_. Xandria repeated the phrase over and over until she could stand the hurricane of sound careening around her. She was shocked that Barnes had been able to create a shield for her, let alone one that stood against this horror.

The Silence Pulse she'd used with Rogers still lingered in her mind from the night before. She pulled it close and dug through her memories. She added nights in the school gardens, evenings studying in the library. Midnights when she'd sat up reading while the rest of the school slept. She hesitated when she found a memory of her own silent, ordered mind. But when she thought of Barnes' anguish she pressed it into the pulse with the other memories. She built it memory by memory until it grew dense enough to form a shelter. And then she pushed it from her mind to Barnes'.

It manifested as a small square building. The walls swirled with the rich greens of midnight gardens and the deep blue of a starless sky. Barnes' surprise and confusion swirled around her and the building like agitated insects. 

_Imagine a form for yourself_ She instructed. _Someone I can talk to, someone who will go with me through your mind_

Color flashed into life beside her. First a flare of Army green, then a shimmer of vibrant blue. A cold gleam of silver swirled through, chased by a slash of red. The colors rolled around and over each other until they formed something the rough size and shape of a man. 

_Is this how you see yourself_?

The being nodded. It had no face, only an ever-changing array of masks and blurred features.

 _Then it is a pleasure to meet your inner self_. She pulsed warmth out with her words and received a faint echo of it back from Barnes.

 _Follow me_.

She moved towards the structure she'd set in his mind. But when she turned back, Barnes hadn't followed. His fear crept across her and she moved back to his side.

 _Do you want some peace_?

Barnes nodded.

 _Then follow me_. 

Barnes hesitated when she walked away again. Xandria waited for him at the structure's only door and he stepped up beside her a moment later.

 _You can come and go as you please_. She reassured him. _It's up to you_.

He nodded again and Xandria led him inside.

It was lighter inside, grey instead of black. The exterior colors didn't show here, but other traces of the memories remained. A cool sensation like fresh night air, the perfect temperature of a comfortable bed. And the silence of a calm mind. Barnes' astonishment flooded Xandria's awareness. She was silent, letting him enjoy the comfort. He curled in on himself in exhausted relief, his form floating in the air before her.

_I need to see what we're working with. I'll be back. Xandria lay a hand on the flickering light of Barnes' arm. His heart rate twitched under her physical fingers and she pulled back her thought-form's hand. He nodded and started to rise._

__You can stay in here_. She sent quickly._

_Barnes lit off a flash of surprise followed by a burst of confusion._

__I can look around on my own. You can stay and rest_._

_His fear washed over her in tandem with his relief. She sought the root and found it closer to the surface than she'd expected._

__I'm only going to look_. She reassured him _You're going to be the one making all the changes_._

_Barnes hesitated. But a wave of exhaustion rolled through him and he finally nodded. He curled in on himself and within seconds Xandria felt the chaos of his mind dim outside their shelter. On the physical plane, she felt his pulse slow under her fingers as he dropped off to sleep._

_Xandria slipped out of the sanctuary. Even in sleep, Barnes' mind was more damaged than anything she had ever seen. Fragments of memory flared into life all around her only to die a breath later. Sounds and colors popped in random bursts and echoed away without any memory to anchor them. Smells wafted around her and phantom sensations nuzzled against her skin._

__Oh this is bad_ , Xandria thought. _ Very, very bad. She shielded herself and pushed the sensations away as she moved deeper into Barnes' mind.

The further in she got the worse it was. Even his recent memories were fragmented - _Had he really said that? Was that person really there_? The past bled into his present, and in his worse moments he couldn't tell which was real. Memory chains were broken and spliced together with false memories, though Xandria wasn't sure Barnes knew that. She wanted to rip them apart and mend the chains, but she knew Barnes had to do it. If she did it for him the chains would heal like a badly-set bone. He would always know they weren't right.

Cracks lined every nook of Barnes' mind. She couldn't find a single place untouched by the scientists' butchery. And then she found the wall. Xandria was used to mental walls, everyone had them. But the one that jutted up in Barnes' mind was an obscene caricature of what people developed naturally. Holes appeared in uniform intervals as far in either direction as she could see. When Xandria leaned close she could hear whispered voices slithering from the holes. Russian, German, English, and other languages she couldn't identify. She caught words like “kill”, “freedom”, and “hail” before she jerked her head away.

 _So that's how they retain his programming_. Xandria felt ill. She laid her hands against the wall and sent part of herself down the dark tunnels of hateful whispers. It was like crawling through a sewer. She blocked the voices from her mind but couldn't push off the other sensations that cam with the sound. Hate coursed around her and with it came the smells of gunpowder, fire, and iron. The scent of war.   
When she reached the other side of the wall she found even more chaos. Sensations worked their way into cracks along the base of the wall, splintering as they went. She considered dropping into the chaos, but she could sense another wall just beyond the horizon of her vision. They would have to take them down one by one.

She pulled her senses back through the wall and pushed away from it. Barnes' mind was still dulled with sleep, but she didn't want to be this deep inside if he woke up. With one last glance at the wall, she headed back the way she had come.

 _At least I know where to start_. She thought. _Those damn false memories_. 

The sanctuary rose into view and Xandria breathed a sigh of relief when she slipped inside. Barnes was still curled in on himself, his colors swirling lazily in sleep. Xandria watched for a moment, noting how often the colors of the Winter Soldier drove away the fragments of his other selves. She hesitated to wake him, but her own exhaustion was getting heavier by the moment.

 _Sergeant Barnes, you need to wake up_.

He uncurled like a whip, head swinging from side to side in the dim space as if scanning for enemies.

 _I have to go now_. She let him feel just a touch of her exhaustion. Barnes nodded, then led her out of the sanctuary. Xandria winced as the noise washed over them. She retreated back to her mind as quickly as she could and relished the silence before returning to the physical plane. Barnes was staring at her when she opened her eyes.

“How did you do that?” He asked.

Xandria smiled and released his arm. He slowly pulled it from her lap, his eyes fixed on it as though it held the answer.

“Mutations can do beautiful things.” Xandria said. She stretched and her back popped softly. “How are you feeling?” 

“I don't know. Same, I guess. But,” he glanced down as his brows drew together. He touched two fingers to his temple and closed his eyes.

“Here,” he said. “I can feel... nothing. No voices, no – no memories. Just quiet.”

There were tears in his eyes when he looked up at her.

“Can I keep it?” His whisper was a low rasp.

Xandria nodded and let a rain of soothing emotions slip from her mind to his. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall as his hands dropped to his lap.

“It will fade over time,” Xandria murmured. “Because it is made of foreign memories.”

Barnes' hands clenched as he nodded. 

“But I'll keep it alive as long as we're working together.” She reached out and placed her hand over his. Barnes' eyes flew open and he looked down at her hand, then over at her. He opened his mouth, began a sound. And then shut it with a nod.

“One day,” Xandria went on. “I'll teach you to make one of your own.”

She squeezed his hand and then released it to sit back. Someone knocked on the door a breath later. Barnes' mouth twitched and his eyes darted to the door, but Xandria didn't move.

“Are you ready for them to come back in?” She asked. His eyes slid to hers, then to the floor. But he did not answer.

His confusion found her first, and then his fear. It had been so long since anyone cared what he wanted. Xandria felt something awful stir deep in his mind, beyond the walls she had discovered. Someone had taught him, through pain and screams, that nobody wanted his opinion.

“It's okay if you need more time.” She urged, her voice heavy with sincerity.

Xandria felt his answer before he spoke. Panic laced through with tendrils of longing. For silence, for peace, for privacy. She nodded and smiled, but Barnes shook his head. His eyes searched her face and something grated in his mind once more, that same something she had felt when he complimented her earlier.

“It's okay.” He said. “I've got this to hold me 'til next time.”

He touched two fingers to his temple again, then let his hand drop.

“Are you sure?” Xandria pressed.

Barnes nodded and leaned his head back again, eyes closed.

“I'll be back tomorrow.” Xandria assured him. Then she got to her feet, moved the chair back to the center of the room, and knocked on the door. A guard opened it a moment later.

“We were just about to come get you.” Fury's voice was still tight. Xandria eyed him and considered renewing their argument, but she was too tired.

“He should sleep better now.” She said instead. “And I don't think restraints will be necessary.”

Fury considered her for a moment, then sighed.  
“Reduced restraints, Captain.” He called to the guard leading his team back into Barnes' cell. A jolt of surprise circled the room. Fury was not the bargaining kind. Xandria grimaced but nodded, happy to have even that compromise.

“At least let me tell him?” She asked.

“Be quick, Captain Rogers wants a debriefing.” 

Xandria was too tired to do anything but mutter “thank you” and hurry back to Barnes as the guards gathered at the back of the cell.

“Sergeant Barnes?” Xandria stopped a few feet from his bunk.

He was slow to answer, and from the calm in his eyes Xandria knew he'd been in the sanctuary.

“I'm so sorry, Sergeant.” She said. “But the guards have to put your restraints back on.”

His sadness echoed in her mind for a moment as he nodded. Then he was gone again, back into the sanctuary.

“Your debriefing is waiting.” Fury said from the door.

Xandria nodded but remained by Barnes' bunk until the guards had finished with the restraints. He never once opened his eyes. She didn't leave the cell until the chair had been removed and the guards had taken up their positions once more.

“Miss Maximoff is waiting outside to escort you upstairs.” Fury led her from Barnes' room.

“Thank you, sir.” Xandria turned to leave, then hesitated. “About the changes to Barnes' accommodations -” 

“Agent Hill will be in contact with you this evening.” Fury cut in. Maria nodded from the table behind him and Xandria nodded back, then turned towards the door.

“And Miss Wesson?” Fury called and Xandria looked back at him. “You did good work today.”

“Oh,” Xandria couldn't stop the soft noise of surprise. “Thank you, sir.”

Fury turned away and addressed another agent. A moment later a guard let her into the hall and the door locked heavily behind her.

“You look exhausted.” Wanda pushed off from the wall opposite the door.

“Gee, thanks.” Xandria grumbled. She eyed the door to her apartment and sighed. “Do I have time to make more tea before this debriefing?”

“Yes, but there's no need.” Wanda took her elbow and led her to the elevators. “Captain Rogers has ordered a late lunch for you. I'm sure caffeine will be part of it.”

Xandria shook her head and Wanda arched an eyebrow as Xandria's confusion brushed her mind.

“Lunch?” Xandria asked.

“Yes,” Wanda replied. “It's past two. Didn't they have a clock in there?”

Xandria's brow furrowed as they stepped into the elevator.

“No,” she said. “No they didn't.”


	8. The Debriefing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eek, I am so sorry this took forever to post. It's been written for ages, but between moving, a cross-country dash, and NaNoWriMo starting up, I never got it typed and edited. So here it is! Chapters 8-11 are all typed up and in editing, so they will defintiely be ready on time!

“How did it go?” Wanda asked.

“It – well -” Xandria sighed. She bundled the day's events together and invited Wanda into her mind. The other woman hesitated until Xandria insisted again. Wanda moved fast and absorbed the memory bundle before retreating to her own mind. She closed her eyes for a moment as she processed the information and frowned slightly.

“Fury isn't usually so... mean.” Wanda muttered as she opened her eyes. Xandria arched an eyebrow.

“But you said -”

“I said his _methods_ are aggressive. He usually has more tact.” Wanda shook her head. “And those guards... something seems off.”

Xandria sighed and rubbed her eyes.

“SHIELD doesn't seem to care any more about Barnes than Hydra did.” She muttered.

“I'd avoid saying that to Rogers.” Wanda said. “He's not been feeling well.”

“Yeah, I know.” Xandria said.

“His projection at dinner?” Wanda asked with an understanding nod.

“That's part of it.” Xandria answered. The elevator dinged to a halt and the doors slid open to reveal Captain Rogers. Xandria greeted him at the same moment she sent Wanda an edited memory bundle of the night before. Steve hadn't invited Wanda into his mind and Xandria kept the memory of his mind to herself out of respect.

“Ladies,” Steve smiled and gave each of them a nod.

“Captain,” Wanda returned the nod as Xandria stepped out of the elevator. “I'll leave you two to your lunch.”

“Talk to you later?” Xandria asked.

“Definitely.” Wanda replied as the elevator doors closed.

“Director Fury told me you've been with Bucky all day.” Steve motioned for her to follow him down the hall. “You must be hungry.”

“I'm sure I will be when I smell the food.” Xandria gave Steve a tight smile. She went over the day's events as they walked, unsure how much to tell him.

Steve stopped in front of a heavy wooden door and took a key from his pocket.

“I figured it was only fair to have lunch in my apartment, since you hosted last time.” He opened the door and led her inside. 

They stood awkwardly for a moment. And then Xandria smelled the food.

“Is that butter chicken?” She asked. Rogers laughed.

“Yeah,” he moved towards the kitchen. “Food's all set up.”

“Good choice,” Xandria said as she followed him. 

The kitchen was larger than hers, but not by much. A small dining nook took up one corner and Xandria dropped into one arm of the booth.

“The next town over has the best Indian food north of New York City.” Steve sat in the other arm of the booth and began dishing out food.

“Oh, this wasn't made on-base?” Xandria waited until Steve served them both before digging into the food on her plate.

“God, no,” Steve laughed. “The cooks here can do some great stuff, but their butter chicken is not nearly this good.”

“Good to know!” Xandria managed between bites. She tried to eat at a social pace, but she had never worked with such a fractured mind before and the experience had left her ravenous. She ripped a piece of naan in half and made a mental note to email Professor Xavier and ask him about it. And, just for good measure, she made a second mental note to find the nearest track so she'd still fit into her wardrobe by the time she had finished repairing Sergeant Barnes' mind.

Steve didn't seem to mind her enthusiasm as he started in on his own plate. Neither spoke, but as Xandria's appetite waned she began to pick up stray bursts from Steve's brain. He was dying to ask about Barnes but didn't want to push the subject. And he'd definitely been working on his projection control.

“I see you've been busy today too.” Xandria said. Steve looked at her, brow furrowed, and Xandria tapped her temple.

“Oh,” Steve lowered his fork, eyes rounding slightly. “You – you can tell?”

“You're much quieter than you were yesterday. It's an impressive improvement on your control.”

Steve smiled and took a bite of rice.

“Well,” he said a moment later. “I'm glad I've made some progress. It's only fair, now that we've got two telepaths on the team.”

“You've got a talent for it. Mental control, I mean.” Xandria replied as she dished more chicken onto her plate.

“I – a talent?” Steve blinked at her.

Xandria nodded, her mouth too full of food to answer. Steve took a bite and waited for her to continue.

“I noticed it last night,” she said. “But I was too tired afterward to say anything.”

She finished her second helping and sat back, appetite sated. 

“Most people can't talk to me when I'm walking their memories. At best they can create a construct and get their point across with charades, but that's usually hit or miss the first few times.” She regarded him and Steve shifted in his seat. “It's remarkable, really. No training, no X gene. And you still managed to talk to me without a construct.”

“Do you think the serum could have something to do with it?” Steve asked as he finished his food. 

He stood and gathered the dirty dishes. Xandria rose to help him, but he waved her off. She sank back onto the bench, lip between we teeth as she thought.

“It's possible,” she murmured. “Barnes seemed surprisingly adept as well.”

“Adept, huh?” Steve asked. He kept his voice flat and his back turned, but his emotions flooded over his new mental blocks.

“You can ask about him, you know. You're the closest he has to family any more.” Xandria said. Steve sighed and turned around.

“I didn't want to seem -” he trailed off, lips pressed together and brow furrowed.

“One-track?” Xandria offered. Steve shook his head.

“Dismissive,” he said. “You're here to help Bucky, but you're also an Avenger of sorts. You've got value beyond what you're doing for Buck.”

“Steve,” Xandria said, shaking her head, “he's your best friend and the only person alive who knew you before you thawed out. Being more concerned with his prognosis than manning my welcome wagon is understandable.”

They regarded each other in silence for a moment.

“Can you give me a prognosis already?” Steve asked.

“A limited one, yes.” She waited for Steve to sit back down, then went on. “Our biggest problem at the moment is corrupted memory chains. Fragments from different memories bleeding together. Each time they'd wipe him, it created a wall in his mind. Bits and pieces get through, then attach to recent memories and perceptions.”

“So he's hallucinating?”

“Sometimes, yes.” Xandria said with a nod. “Hallucinations and shifting memories. They're common to minds after trauma, but Barnes' is more aggressive... for obvious reasons. I can help him clean up his recent memories and put the fragments aside, but it's going to be a circular battle until we get the walls down.”

Steve frowned at the table and tapped his fingers against the wood.

“Do you think he's going to get better?” He looked up at her. Xandria hesitated, then nodded slowly.

“Eventually, and to a certain degree, yes.” Xandria fought the urge to look away. “I don't think he'll ever be the same, he's been through too much. But with enough work and time, he'll be able to function with other people.” 

Steve nodded and frowned at the table again, though it seemed to be a frown of thought rather than a frown of disapproval.

“There have been some encouraging signs already.” Xandria offered and Steve's expression brightened as he looked up again.

“Can you show me?” He asked, motioning from his head to hers and back.

“Some of it, yes,”she replied. “Most of what happened should stay between Sergeant Barnes and I, though.”

“Of course.” Steve sad.

“May I?” she asked as she gestured to his wrist. Steve laid it across the table and she took it in her fingers.

She slipped into his mind, the selection of memories trailing behind her. It took a moment to set them up so Steve could access them, and then she slipped out again. Even with his blocks on place, Xandria felt every emotion the memories triggered: amusement at Barnes' flirting, happiness at the concern Barnes had felt for her exhaustion. The memories played out and Steve closed his eyes tight, breathing shallow. He swallowed hard, then opened his eyes and smiled at her.

“So the old Buck is still in there.” he said softly.

“Parts of him, yes. Hydra couldn't take it all away, no matter how hard they tried.” Xandria replied.

“This is – thank you.” He squeezed her hand and let out a shaky laugh.

“Don't thank me yet.” Xandria said. “There's a lot of work to be done and there's no telling how far Barnes will actually come.”

“You've given me hope/ That's worth thank you for.” Steve insisted. Xandria smiled softly, but her mind was on the dark wall in Barnes' mind. There was no telling what would happen when it came down.

“Are you going back tomorrow?” Steve asked.

“Bright and early.” Xandria replied. She thought of the guards and the cell, but remained silent. She would see how Fury held up his promises before she involved Steve. 

“How long do you think you'll need to work with him?”

“It's too early to say.” Xandria shook her head. “He could speed through recovery or he might relapse.”

Steve nodded and his happiness dimmed. He stared at the wall across the room, eyes distant. Xandria suppressed a yawn and closed her eyes for a moment. When it was a fight just to open them again, she knew she needed to head back to her apartment.

“I should be going.” Xandria said. Steve looked at her with concern.

“You must be exhausted.” Steve said. He stood up and Xandria stood with him. They crossed the apartment to the front door, but Steve hesitated before he opened it.

“You'll keep me updated, right? Fury hasn't had much to report and they won't let me see him. I've been worried.” 

Xandria thought back to the fight with Fury, but she managed a smile.

“Of course,” She said. Steve nodded and opened the door for her.

“Do you need an escort back to your apartment?” he asked.

“No, I think I can manage.” She said. She headed out into the hall, then turned back. “Is there -” She hesitated, not sure how to continue. Steve was no help as he stood in the door, silent and waiting.

“I mean,” she began again. “I'm an Avenger, right?” Steve nodded, but still said nothing. “Do I need to train or – I don't know, be ready to 'Assemble' or anything?”

Steve snorted abruptly, then began to laugh. If it weren't for the complete lack of malice coming from him, Xandria would have been offended.

“No, no 'Assembling' for you. Not yet at least.” Steve replied. “You're here for Bucky. We'll see about getting you into the field after he's on the mend.”

“Oh good.” Xandria's shoulders sagged with relief. “I'm not sure I'd be much help in combat.”

“You'd be surprised what a person can discover on the battlefield.” Steve replied.

“I think I've got a pretty good idea. I've read the team's files.” Xandria grinned. “Have a good night, Steve.”

“You too. Get some rest.”

Xandria waved and headed for the elevators. The moment she keyed in her floor and the doors closed, she slumped against the wall. She wanted to curl up on the floor and sleep, but forced herself to remain upright until she'd made it into her apartment. She paused outside the door and scanned Barnes' quarters, pleased to find he wasn't drugged again and the guards were all calmer than they'd been earlier.

As soon as she'd stepped into her apartment and closed the door, silence surrounded her. She sank to the floor and closed her eyes, the last of her energy slipping from her as the buzz of minds fell away. The rug under her cheek was wondrously soft and she crawled forward until she lay on it completely. She thought about going to her room, but the sleep closing in around her was too inviting.


	9. House Call

“Miss Wesson?” Someone called her name and followed it up with a loud pounding sound. Xandria opened her eyes and blinked against the light of the lamp on the table above her. The pounding drilled itself intoo her brain, and she groaned softly as a headache came into full focus.

“Miss Wesson, it's Agent Hill.”

“Agent Hill?” Xandria mumbled softly. She didn't think the other woman could hear her through the thick door, but she called out something like an answer regardless.

“I've got the suggestions for Sergeant Barnes' rooms that you wanted.”

 _Damn it, I forgot she was meeting me to talk about those_. Xandria pushed herself onto her feet.

“Of course,” Xandria called back. “Just a moment please.”

She checked her hair in the mirror that hung beside her door, then opened it and motioned Agent Hill inside. The other woman had a large manila envelope under one arm that bulged with a huge stack of paper.

“Did I wake you up?” Hill asked, and Xandria felt herself flush.

“Just a nap.” She replied. “Spending that much time in another person's brain can be exhausting.”

“I can only imagine,” Hill replied as she seated herself on the couch. Xandria felt a moment of deja vu as she sat in the chair opposite her. She could only hope this meeting would go half as well as her meeting with Steve had gone the night before.

“Earlier you made a few requests on behalf of Sergeant Barnes, which were recorded as follows,” Agent Hill pulled a sheaf of papers from the envelope. “You mentioned color, privacy, and some way of getting basic information like time and relevant updates on his treatment.”

“And the removal of his restraints as well as a less prison-like room,” Xandria added. Hill looked up at her and the women sat in a tense silence.

“Right,” Agent Hill finally said. “I'll add those to the list, though they may take negotiation.”

“So Fury said,” Xandria replied. “Would it help this whole process along if I told you that Barnes isn't violent? He's just tired.”

Hill sighed and tossed the papers onto the empty couch cushion.

“He wasn't violent with you,” she said, looking up at Xandria. “That doesn't mean that he won't kill everybody on this base if his training is set off. You should see what happens when he hears Captain Rogers' voice.”

Xandria thought back to the night before, to the flare of anger she'd felt from Barnes when Steve had called out to her in the hallway.

“Fair point,” she mumbled after a moment. “He's a good man, Agent Hill. It's not his fault ”

“Nobody is saying that it is,” Hill cut in, “but that doesn't erase what they've turned him into. He is a killer, Miss Wesson. And until you've rewired the mess in his head, he will continue to be a risk.”

Xandria sighed and chewed her lip, eyes fixed on the false window behind the couch. The garden was sinking into twilight, and the image reminded her of the memories she'd built Barnes' shelter from.

“We have found a few ways to work in your suggestions, however,” Hill said. Xandria looked at her, then at the stack of papers. Hill took them up once more, flipped through them, and drew out three. She handed them to Xandria and then sat back.

Xandria read over the papers, eyes skimming from diagrams to risk assessment reports.

“This... this actually looks like a good start.” Xandria looked up at Hill as she handed the papers back. “When can work get started?”

“I was going to ask you that,” Hill said. She put the papers back into their places in the stack, then set it aside once more. “We'll have to move Barnes for about twenty four hours in order to make the changes. He usually resists being transferred, but if you talk to him, I think it would go more smoothly.”

“Of course. I'll bring it up to him tomorrow. Can work begin tomorrow evening?”

Hill nodded and Xandria smiled.

“Thank you, Agent Hill. I know Agent Fury wasn't happy with me earlier, but Barnes needs this.”

“He wasn't happy, but he was impressed.” Hill said. “The last person to talk to him like that was Steve, and you're no super soldier.”

Xandria laughed a little, ignoring the tiny wave of pride she felt rising in her mind.

“No, I am definitely not a super soldier. Not any kind of soldier, really.”

“I wouldn't go that far.” Hill put the papers back into the envelope and stood, smiling at Xandria.

Xandria stood with her and they moved to the front door.

“What do you mean?” Xandria asked.

“You're not just saving Sergeant Barnes. If you manage to pull this off, you will unravel the techniques they use to brainwash agents, and we can find a way to dismantle their little zombie army.” Hill opened the door and stepped into the hall. “That's a hell of a blow, and I'd say that makes you a bit of a soldier.”

“Well, I... thank you.” Xandria smiled at the other woman. Hill returned the smile, gave her a small wave, and then walked away down the hall. Xandria watched her for a moment, then retreated back into her apartment and closed the door.

She turned out the living room lights and stared at the gardens as they faded into darkness. Lamps came on here and there, lighting up paths and a few scattered benches. Xandria sighed and let herself feel homesick for just a moment. As much as she wanted to help Sergeant Barnes, she missed her friends. It was exhausting living on a military base with people she didn't know, and she missed the ease of the school.

The moon rose over the gardens, lighting them up more clearly. Xandria sighed and shook her head clear of the self pity, then walked away and got ready for bed. Her time in Barnes' mind

played on repeat, and she shivered at the memory of the wall.

 _I need to get that down soon_. She thought. She didn't know what would happen when it came down. It might trigger his older programming, or it might give him back the memories he'd created since the last mind wipe. Xandria climbed into bed and turned out the lights, her mind flipping through treatment options as her eyes drifted closed. There was just so much to do.


	10. Home Improvement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise: two chapters in one night! I know I kept you guys waiting, so I wanted to make it up to you. I've got up to chapter 20 written and, let me just say: damn it gets good. I'm sorry if the slow build up is turning y'all off. I've never written a fan fic this large before, so bear with me!

Xandria felt stiff the next morning, more like a doll than a person. She was in the middle of a yoga sequence when someone knocked on her door. A glance through the peep hole revealed Wanda, and Xandria smiled as she opened the door.

“Good morning,” Xandria said as she motioned Wanda inside.

“Good morning.” Wanda replied. “How are you feeling?”

Xandria closed the door and shrugged, then motioned to the yoga mat on the floor. “I don't know if it was sitting still for five hours with Barnes or the death-like sleep last night, but I woke up stiff as hell. Other than that, though, I feel good.”

“Is that normal, to become stiff?” Wanda asked. Xandria shrugged as she rolled up the yoga mat.

“Hard to say, really. I've never stayed in someone's mind that long before.”

Wanda didn't say anything and Xandria glanced up at her. The other women was frowning, her gaze distant.

“Is something wrong?” Xandria asked. Wanda shook her head and her gaze cleared.

“It... it seems dangerous,” Wanda replied. “You've never done this sort of thing, for this long, and yet everyone expects you to fix his brain.”

“It'll be okay,” Xandria said. “I appreciate your concern, though.”

Wanda's answering smile was too dim to be believable.

“I mean it,” Xandria said. “You barely know me, so it really does mean a lot that you're so worried about me.”

“Well,” Wanda shrugged and her smile tightened. “You're the closest thing I have to a friend around here, unless you count Pietro.”

Xandria frowned and sat down beside Wanda.

“It's not right for them to freeze you out like this,” she said. “You're part of the team, you laid your life down to help them. Hell, your brother ” Xandria cut off, not sure if Wanda wanted to talk about it.

“My brother died, and they brought him back using technology that drove their own agents insane,” Wanda finished.

“Insane?” Xandria asked. “I don't know any details, just that they brought Pietro back.”

“We're not normal humans, so they told me that the technology wouldn't affect him the same way. But that doesn't matter.” Wanda looked over at her. “What matters is that the sacrifices weren't enough to redeem me. Pietro, yes. But not me.”

Both women fell silent and Xandria shook her head.

“It's just not right,” Xandria said and Wanda shrugged.

“It will get better,” Wanda said. “It will just take time. But for right now, I am happy to have at least one friend.” They smiled at each other, and Xandria's eyes brightened with an idea.

“Would you be willing to try something with me?” Xandria asked. Wanda hesitated and Xandria shook her head. “Nothing strange, I promise.”

“Okay,” Wanda said slowly. “What did you have in mind?”

“Agent Hill was here last night, and she was really nice. And I think Agent Romanov might be open to a coffee or something. We could try some old fashioned girl time.”

Wanda peaked both eyebrows and stared at her.

“Girl time?” She asked. “We're talking about international espionage masterminds, and you want to suggest girl time?”

“Why not?” Xandria asked. She could feel a flush rising in her cheeks, but ignored it. Sometimes the best ideas sounded the worst. “We can pretend to be normal for a little while, start with something basic before we start asking each other tips on deep covers or anything like that.” Xandria wiggled her eyebrows at Wanda and grinned when the other woman laughed.

“I think you overestimate the draw of a latte, but you can try,” Wanda replied.

“And you'll go along?” Xandria pressed.

“I'll go along,” Wanda said with a sigh, though she was still smiling.

“Excellent!” Xandria said. She hugged Wanda on impulse, and the other woman tensed for a moment. Then she hugged Xandria back and relaxed.

“I am still rusty on the whole 'being a friend' thing,” Wanda admitted when they sat back from one another.

“Hey, if you're not a hug-type person, that's okay. I should have asked,” Xandria said, but Wanda shook her head.

“No, it's fine. Before... before Hydra I would hug my friends a lot. It's just been a while.”

“Well,” Xandria said, “you'll just have to get back into the swing of things.”

They were interrupted by the alarm on Xandria's cell phone going off.

“Damn, I have to get ready for Sergeant Barnes.” Xandria turned off the phone's alarm. “Did you just come by to check on me?”

“Yeah,” Wanda said. “I wanted to make sure you were okay to start another treatment round with Barnes.” The two women stood up and Wanda moved towards the door.

“That's sweet of you,” Xandria said.

“Nobody else knows how exhausting it can be,” Wanda said, turning to face her friend. “Make sure you don't let them push you too far.”

“I won't, I promise,” Xandria replied. She kept her smile in place, though Wanda's words triggered something uneasy in her mind. She wondered if it would really be so easy to refuse the team if they demanded more of her than she could give.

Wanda's brow tightened, but she nodded.

“I'll see you later, yeah?” She asked. Xandria nodded.

“Definitely,” She replied. Wanda let herself out with a parting smile, and Xandria stood alone in her living room. She frowned, lip tucked into her teeth. Her thoughts spun as she moved into her bathroom and began to get ready without paying much attention. Could she walk away from the team? Could she abandon Barnes? Every time she thought about the chaos of his mind, the answer seemed to be a firmer no. She shook her head as she left her apartment and walked down the hall to Barnes'.

There were fewer guards in the room when they let Xandria inside. Still a fair number more than the original four she'd sensed when Pietro told her not to go wandering, but fewer than the first day she'd worked with Barnes.

“Good morning Miss Wesson,” Agent Hill said, turning her back to the same bank of monitors she'd been sitting at yesterday.

“Good morning Agent Hill.” Xandria glanced around. “Will Fury be joining us today?”

“Nope, yesterday was just to get you settled in, let the guards know what was going on. That sort of thing.” Hill turned back to the computers and leaned into a microphone. “Miss Wesson is here, clear Barnes' room.”

The guard outside the door to Barnes' room opened the door, and four guards filed out. They were different from the four guards the day before, and Xandria brushed against their minds. None of them registered with the same hate as the day before. She frowned slightly, but smoothed her expression when Agent Hill turned to her.

“We put the chair back next to his cot but left his restraints in place. You can take care of those,” she said. Xandria nodded and gave her a small wave before moving into Barnes' room. She waited for the door to close behind her before she crossed the room and sat down.

Barnes' eyes were closed and his mind buzzed quietly. He was in the sanctuary again.

“Sergeant?” She kept her voice low and pressed her hand against his arm briefly. He jerked sharply and his eyes snapped open as the buzz of his mind grated back into chaos.

“Who...” He stared at her for a moment, then blinked slowly. “Xandria... right?”

“Yes, Xandria Wesson. Do you remember me coming in here yesterday?”

“That was yesterday?” He asked. Xandria sighed and nodded.

“Yes Sergeant, I was in here yesterday.”

“You went into my brain, left me the... the sanctuary,” he finished. Xandria gave him a smile as she nodded.

“Exactly.” She motioned at his restraints. “Do you want me to take those off?”

Barnes nodded, his eyes moving over her face.

“Do you remember the promise you made me yesterday?” She asked.

“Uh... yeah. I said...” He trailed off and blinked a few times. She felt it when his mind reconstructed the memory chain from the day before. When he looked at her again, his gaze was clear and the confusion had left his eyes. “I promised I wouldn't hurt you, that I didn't want to hurt anyone. And I still mean it."

“Good,” Xandria said. “I thought you might like some extra time without those restraints on.”

“Yeah... yeah I would.” He said. Xandria nodded and began to release the restraints. They were the reduced arrangement that Fury had ordered the day before, and Xandria made quick work of them.

“Now that those are out of the way, I have some good news.”

Xandria sat back in the chair and watched as Barnes stretched his arms and shoulders. He caught her looking and gave a grunt of encouragement to keep talking as he continued with his stretches.

“I've received permission for some updates to be made to your... room.” Xandria stumbled over the word, but Barnes only nodded. “The walls are going to get some color and the prison cot is going to be swapped out for something a little more comfortable.”

“How'd you manage that?” Barnes asked, settling back against the wall.

“I have been put in charge of your treatment,” Xandria replied. “SHIELD requires certain security measures to be observed, but this will be a good start.”

She expected hurt in Barnes' eyes when he met her gaze, but his expression was calm. Xandria kicked herself as she remembered that Barnes would understand all about security measures, even if they restricted him.

“You'll also be getting thirty minutes of guard-free time a day, in addition to the time I'm here.” Xandria smiled as Barnes' eyes widened slightly and she felt a wave of happiness cross his mind. “And, last but not least, a screen is going to be installed that will display the time and any events you need to know about, like the time I'll be coming in for your sessions.”

Barnes stared at her, his mind whirring.

“You don't have to say anything,” she added quickly. “Just nod if you're okay with these changes.” Barnes nodded quickly. “Good.”

Xandria hesitated here and pulled her lower lip between her teeth. Caution flooded Barnes' mind as he took in her change in expression.

“It's nothing bad,” she replied, then cursed inwardly as confusion crossed Barnes' face. “I felt your worry,” she tapped the side of her head with a sigh. “There isn't some catch, at least not a big one.”

“They have to transfer me, don't they?” he asked, and Xandria nodded. He grunted and leaned his head back against the wall.

“Is that going to be a problem?” she asked. Barnes gave her a sidelong glance, then shook his head.

“No, I'll deal with it.”

She watched him for a moment, then frowned a little.

“You cooperate with me, but you fight being transferred. Why is that?”

Barnes turned to face her, twisting fully on the bed.

“I've been moved against my will too many times,” he said. It was the clearest sentence he'd managed and Xandria fought to keep her expression neutral. “I'm tired of it.”

“Hopefully we can get you to a place where you won't have to be moved, then,” Xandria said with a nod. Barnes just stared at her, face unreadable. A burst of static escaped his mind and Xandria breathed in sharply.

“Sorry,” Barnes mumbled, moving so his back was against the wall once more.

“Not your fault,” Xandria said. “But maybe we should get started.”

Barnes held his arm out to her and she settled it across her lap, fingers on his pulse.

“A few deep breaths, Sergeant,” she said. Barnes complied and within moments their breaths were moving in sync.

“Are you ready?” she asked as she closed her eyes. Barnes grunted an affirmative and Xandria bridged their minds. With one last breath to brace against the chaos, she slipped across and into Barnes' mind.


	11. Fragments

He was waiting for her just inside his mind. 

_You've been working on your form_. She tinged the words with pride as she sent them out, and Barnes soaked the emotion into himself. 

_It looks great_. She added. He glowed under the praise, and Xandria made a note to check his record again. Sergeant Barnes had not been a man to particularly crave the approval of his superiors - the number of citations on his record for questioning orders spoke to that in volumes. If this was some new part of the Hydra training coming through, she was going to rip it out at the roots.

 _We'll get started in just a minute, but I want to check something first. Would you wait in the shelter_? 

Barnes' confusion pooled around her.

 _There are some things you're not ready to see yet_.

Barnes hesitated, then moved to the shelter and vanished inside. Xandria checked the structure over to make sure it didn't need repairs yet and then she set off for the wall. She moved over the same path she'd taken the day before, noting any changes in the memory chains floating through his mind. A few were longer, but most had been broken once more and spliced into new and unnerving combinations. 

Xandria reached the wall faster than she expected and almost tripped into the pool of black thoughts that oozed from its base. It was unchanged, despite the cracks that Xandria had seen forming the day before. Part of her was relieved that they had more time before they had to deal with the new chaos waiting on the other side. But a larger part of her wanted to rip the wall apart piece by piece and haul it away. She even reached a hand out to grab hold, until she remembered the promise she had made Barnes the day before. 

_He has to do this himself_. She grumbled inwardly. Her hand fell back to her side and she turned away, careful not to bring any of the wall's venom back with her.

She gathered a handful of memories on her way back to the shelter. Some were almost whole, with only one or two intruding pieces stuck to the main chain. Others were more damaged, the false portions blending into the main memory. She left the most damaged where they were. He wouldn't be ready for those yet and she didn't want to overwhelm him. 

_I'm coming in_. She sent to him, and he sent back a shimmer of approval.

He was sitting on the floor of the shelter when she walked in, legs crossed and hands on his knees. His form was more defined than it had been the day before, with individual fingers at the ends of his hands and the outline of hair around his face, but his features were still a blurred series of masks and faces. She watched them slide across the front of his head, until he turned his face up to her and she realized he'd been watching her too. A question came to her, made of images strung together. He saw the memories in her hand and wanted to know what she had planned for them.

 _I'm impressed_ , Xandria answered. _Forming questions isn't easy _.__

__Again, Barnes sucked down the praise. Xandria was beginning to think she'd be better off asking Steve than searching his file._ _

__The memory chains glowed in her hand as she sat down in front of Barnes. She laid them on the floor beside her and pinned them in place with a cage of thoughts._ _

___This is a memory chain_. She drew one out of the cage and pointed to the main section. _This memory is mostly real events, strung together in their proper order. But a few fragments from other memories_ , she pointed to the misplaced fragments, _don't belong here. We're going to access this chain, and then go through it together. When we find the things that don't belong, you'll remove them__ _

__Barnes looked from the chain in her hand up to her and then back. The beginning of a question came to her, but it faded away before she could make sense of it. Barnes pointed to the memories, then to his head as he shrugged slowly. His movements were agitated and he repeated them a few times. Xandria had to think for a moment before she understood the gesture's meaning._ _

___You can't access the memory right now because I've blocked them_ , she said as she motioned to the cage _. The shelter blocks the errant memories outside from bothering you, so I had to create a secondary measure when I brought these memories inside. You'll have access to them again after we settle them. Does that answer your question_?_ _

__Barnes nodded and his shoulders relaxed._ _

___Once I activate this memory things are going to change, and quickly. We'll drop straight into the memory. Are you ready_? She asked. Barnes nodded and Xandria set the memory down on the floor. _It's going to feel like you're really there. I need you to stay with me and remember that it's only a memory_. Again, Barnes nodded. Xandria checked the shelter's stability one more time, then opened the memory chain._ _

__The grey twilight exploded into bright noon sunlight. They were walking down a highway overpass littered with broken glass and smashed cars, a group of armed men at their back. Civilians cowered between their cars and the cement guard rails as they walked by._ _

___Is this when Hydra tried to take over SHIELD_? Xandria asked. Barnes answered with the sensation of a nod. She glanced over at him and almost stepped back. His eyes were covered in black goggles and the lower half of his face was obscured by a black mask that seemed to blend into the rest of the battle armor he was wearing. The only thing uncovered was the top of his head and his left arm. It glinted like a knife in the sunlight. He was carrying a gun bigger than anything Xandria had ever seen in person and there were at least two pistols strapped to his legs. Someone swung over the edge of the highway barrier ahead of them, red hair glinting in the sunlight as she went over the edge. Natasha. The group veered to the side and Barnes drew the weapon to his shoulder, eyes fixed on the road below. Xandria looked around for anything that didn't belong, but so far it all felt accurate. _ _

__A crack split the air and Barnes dropped behind the barrier beside her. Xandria crouched down beside him and looked over to see his goggle lens cracked from the bullet's impact. He slid them from his face, eyes fixed straight ahead. And then the world seemed to twist sideways. The overpass filled with dirt and someone crouched in front of Barnes, shouting at him to return fire. The man wore olive drab pants and a torn wool sweater. Blood stained the knees of his pants and Xandria saw dog tags swing forward from around his neck. She caught them in her hand and realized they were US WWII format._ _

__Barnes was moving, getting ready to shoot again, but Xandria halted the memory chain. His memory form froze as well, but his thought-form appeared next to her._ _

___Look at this man, Sergeant. You're in Washington DC in the twenty first century. This soldier is wearing US Army combat dress from World War Two. He doesn't belong here. This man was from another battle, a long time ago_. She felt Barnes resist the knowledge as he looked from the soldier to his own form. _ _

___Is this soldier why you returned fire on Natasha_?_ _

__The thought-form nodded as his shoulders drooped. Images brushed against Xandria and she opened herself to them. Flags waving, a sense of pride, soldiers marching in sunlight. Images of a freedom he thought he had been fighting for._ _

___These groups fight for two very different kinds of freedom_. Xandria motioned from the soldier to the Hydra agents crouched beside them. _Why don't we pull this soldier out of a battle he doesn't belong to_?_ _

__The ghostly image began to fade. First the soldier's face, then the dirt he crouched on. His body faded last, the olive drab leaving a discolored smear on the pavement before it vanished entirely. Xandria felt the memory shudder as Barnes removed the false piece and set it aside._ _

___Good work, Sergeant_. Xandria said. When his thought-form faded away, she let the memory continue._ _

__Barnes raised his gun and fired down at Natasha, his bullets chasing her up the street. She looked back once and Xandria couldn't help but smile when she saw that Natasha was grinning. Barnes turned to his team and said something in Russian, then jumped over the barrier and onto an abandoned car below. Xandria jumped as well, reminding herself that it was just a memory and wouldn't hurt her. She caught up to Barnes as he moved through the abandoned cars. Civilians fled in every direction but he ignored them. He was looking for Natasha, to finish what they'd started on the overpass. Gunfire erupted behind him and he turned to see his team firing on a bus. When he turned back to look for Natasha, a tiny man with a pinched face and a white coat was standing in front of him._ _

__“You're doing very well, my soldier.” The man said. He came in and out of focus, and Xandria stopped the memory again. Barnes didn't need any help this time. His thought-form appeared and dove into the man. Both images vanished and Xandria spun slowly, looking for them._ _

___Are you okay_? She called. Barnes' thought form appeared by her side a moment later and nodded. The world around them shuttered as he removed the memory of the little man. Xandria examined the chain and found the rest of it uncorrupted. She ended the memory and the images vanished like a light going out. The twilight of her shelter had never seemed so comforting._ _

__Xandria set the reassembled memory chain onto the floor and took up another one. She scouted ahead this time and found it was a memory of his intake to the SHIELD base._ _

___Do you want to do another_? She asked, and Barnes nodded._ _

__They entered the memory together and she found herself sitting beside him at a desk. A SHIELD agent was sitting beside Coulson across the table, filling out paperwork as the Director spoke. Xandria tuned out the words and looked around her. Everything seemed normal, but Barnes' eyes kept drifting to the floor behind the second agent. Xandria leaned over and saw a hand, limp and ashen, poking out from behind the chair._ _

___There wouldn't be any dead bodies in here, Sergeant_. Xandria assured him._ _

__She felt Barnes resist the logic, felt the panic get stronger. Xandria halted the memory and let soothing sensations spread from her._ _

___Coulson would not be that calm if you had killed an agent. You wouldn't be sitting here with some guy taking notes. You didn't hurt anyone in this room_. Barnes hesitated and then his thought-form appeared behind Coulson. It looked at her over the table and Xandria nodded. He stooped and lifted the body. It was nobody Xandria recognized, a man dressed in a Hydra uniform. _ _

__Barnes looked at her one more time, then they both vanished. Xandria waited until she felt him remove the misplaced memory before she searched the rest of the chain. The body had been the only false memory attached to it, so she stopped the memory and pulled out of it. A small pile of memory fragments lay beside Barnes in the shelter and Xandria projected another cage onto the floor to hold them in place._ _

___How do you feel_? She asked. A low pulse of exhaustion rolled off Barnes in response. _ _

___Do you want to finish the rest of the chains I brought in_?_ _

__Barnes considered it for a moment, then nodded. Xandria drew another out and submerged them quickly. It was more damaged than the first two, and by the time they were through Barnes had relived his battle over Washington DC and the near-drowning of Captain Rogers. They repeated the process with two more battles and each time Xandria took the memory fragments away at the end._ _

___The last one is the worst. Do you want to save it for tomorrow_? _ _

__Barnes nodded and slumped back onto the floor. Xandria carried the memory chain outside and released it, then went back for the memory fragments._ _

___There's just one thing left, Sergeant. And then you can sleep_. She waited until Barnes was standing and then she led him outside. _ _

___We need to put these fragments somewhere we can get them later, but they aren't going to cause trouble_. She explained _. Could you create your ideal version of a holding pen? It'll last longer if you set it up_._ _

__She felt his mind grind as he concentrated on the holding pen. It formed slowly, materializing from the darkness. It was made of wood and stood waist high with a gate set into the front. Xandria dropped the fragments inside and stood back to make sure it would hold. When nothing escaped, she turned to Barnes with a smile._ _

___You did good work today. I think your treatment will go well_._ _

__Barnes nodded, then turned away towards the shelter. Xandria looked around once more, then retreated to her own mind._ _

__“Is that how all of it will go?” Barnes asked. Xandria opened her eyes and found him looking at her._ _

__“Generally, yes.” She said as she released his arm. “We'll have to match the fragments with the memories they belong to, if we can find them.”_ _

__“Will it take long?” He asked. Xandria sighed and then caught herself. This was always the worst part of telepathic treatments._ _

__“It will probably go on for the rest of your life, unfortunately.” She answered. “Once you've been walked through it enough times, you can spot the memory fragments pretty quickly and remove them without a guide.”_ _

__A hard look crossed his face and a sense of determination brushed her mind._ _

__“Oh no you don't,” she chided. “If you go in there right now and start pulling things apart you might fracture memories that aren't corrupted. Just give it some time.”_ _

__He wanted to argue, she could see it in his eyes, but he only nodded. Xandria brushed his mind to be sure he would listen to her, then she let the subject go._ _

__“Do you remember the transfer we talked about earlier?” She asked and Barnes nodded. “They'll be coming in some time this evening to move you. The alterations should take about twenty four hours, and then this place will be a little bit better.”_ _

__“Will you be coming to the new place tomorrow?”_ _

__Xandria stopped and blinked at him._ _

__“I hadn't thought about it, but I suppose I will be.” She glanced at the camera mounted above the door to make sure Hill got the message._ _

__“Good. This memory stuff... it makes a difference.” Barnes said. He leaned his head back against the wall when Xandria looked back at him._ _

__“What do you mean?” She asked._ _

__He frowned slightly and she felt his mind move as he thought._ _

__“It's... quieter. It feels lighter, less heavy. I don't know.” He shook his head and closed his eyes._ _

__“I think I know what you mean,” Xandria offered. “Like you're in a room of buzzing bees and someone finally put a few of them into a hive. You can see where they are, but they're not deafening like the rest of the bees are.”_ _

__“Something like that.” Barnes said, his lips twisting up slightly._ _

__Someone knocked on the door and Xandria looked over._ _

__“Time's up,” she said. “I'll see you tomorrow, Sergeant.”_ _

__Barnes nodded and closed his eyes, head back against the wall. He crossed his arms as the guards came back in, preparing for the restraints to be put back on. Xandria waited until they were done to ensure that they used the reduced restraint system, then walked out to meet Agent Hill._ _

__“We'll have a guard escort you to his temporary quarters tomorrow morning.” She said as Xandria approached._ _

__“Excellent, thank you.” Xandria replied. She leaned in slightly and looked at Barnes on the monitor. He appeared to be sleeping, and Xandria could sense that he had retreated into the sanctuary._ _

__“Have they had to drug him?” She asked. Hill shook her head, eyes widening slightly._ _

__“No, actually. Fury left orders that he would only be drugged if he fought his guards at all. But he's been quiet.”_ _

__Xandria nodded happily, then stepped back._ _

__“He should be pretty quiet for a while. I left a quiet place for him to retreat to, and I think it's helping.”_ _

__“You're a miracle, Miss Wesson.” Agent Hill replied. “Our creepy little miracle.”_ _

__Xandria looked at her sharply, but Hill was smiling. Xandria hesitated, then smiled back._ _

__“You... you can call me Xandria, if you'd like.” She said._ _

__“Works for me. I'm Maria.” Agent Hill held out a hand and the two women shook._ _

__“Well then, Maria, I think I'm going to head out.” Xandria said. “It's been a long day and I could use some food.”_ _

__“Sounds good,” Maria said. “The guards will be picking you up at 8:30 tomorrow morning.”_ _

__A guard let her out of the room, his appreciation of her form brushing against her mind. It was discomforting, but she was used to it. It was a thousand times better than the animosity she'd felt from the guards the night before._ _

__She slipped back into her room and looked around. Some of her books were on the coffee table, but the thought of being alone with her own thoughts was too much after the work with Barnes. When her stomach rumbled, she knew what to do. She stepped back outside and cast her mind out for Wanda. The other woman didn't seem to be on base, so she cast out for Pietro instead. He was several floors away, his mind whirring through some kind of history lesson. She constructed a message and sent it out to him, then leaned against the wall and waited. He accepted the message almost immediately and a text set her phone off a moment later._ _

___She's in her room (shielded like yours). I'll text her and tell her to meet you at the elevators_._ _

__She saved it into her phone and headed for the elevators. When her phone went off with another message, this one from Wanda, she smiled. It was good to have a friend._ _


	12. Burn Book

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Double chapter~ That's right, two chapters in one day... again! I've almost finished up writing the entire fic, thanks to NaNoWriMo. It's coming in longer than expected and I didn't think y'all would appreciate it if I kept doling it out one chapter a week. This will still happen on occasion, but for the most part I'm thinking double-chapter is going to be the pace for the rest of the fic. That said: read on and enjoy!

“I thought you'd be even more exhausted than you were yesterday.” Wanda called out as she wound through the crowd.

“Me too!” Xandria replied. “I kind of crashed after a lunch yesterday and slept most of the afternoon. That might have something to do with it.” 

“You might be on to something there,” Wanda said with a smile. They squeezed out of the crowd and through the exit into the bright afternoon sunlight. 

“Is it always this nice here?” Xandria asked. “To be honest, I'm not even sure where we are.”

“Winters are terrible. We get a ton of snow,” Wanda said. “But that's normal for upstate New York, isn't it?” 

“Upstate New York?' Xandria repeated. “You're telling me that I took the train to the city and then took a jet ride back the way I came?” Xandria shook her head.

“The security team probably thought our location would be safer that way,” Wanda said with a shrug. The two walked away from the building and meandered slowly down a small hill.

“Yeah, I don't think SHIELD is great at things like secret locations and subtlety.” Xandria motioned to a few low-lying shrubs pruned into the shape of the SHIELD logo.

“I've always wondered about that,” Wanda admitted. “Every helicarrier and jet has the logo on it in white. I know we have cloaking, but it seems a bit... un-stealth-like.”

Xandria laughed and Wanda smiled. 

“Are you hungry?” Xandria asked. Wanda nodded, then glanced back at the building. She nodded again a moment later.

“Would you like to grab lunch with me and Pietro?” She asked. “He's already in the cafeteria and can hold a table for us.”

“Sounds good.” Xandria linked her arm with Wanda's and they headed back towards the building together.

“How did it go today?” Wanda asked.

“Pretty good, actually,” Xandria said. She shot a condensed memory to Wanda and waited as the other telepath went through it.

“He is surprisingly talented at the memory manipulation,” Wanda said and Xandria nodded.

“Steve and I talked about that yesterday afternoon. He's pretty talented too. We think it might have something to do with the serum.” 

“It seems the most likely – Oh. We should go in the other door,” Wanda said. Xandria looked over at her and then followed her gaze to the doors they'd exited minutes earlier. Natasha and Maria were standing to one side, talking with their heads close together.

“You're on the same team,” Xandria reminded her. “They have to know you regret what happened.”

“I don't think they believe me when I say it won't happen again,” Wanda muttered.

“We're not going to use the other door,” Xandria said firmly. “It'll look like we're avoiding them.”

 _But I **want** to avoid them_. Wanda switched to telepathic communication as they neared the other women. 

_It'll be okay_ , Xandria promised. Wanda's arm tensed against hers, but she let Xandria steer her towards the door.

“Hi Maria,” Xandria called brightly, waving her free hand.

“Hey Xandria... Wanda.” Maria's tone stiffened when she caught sight of the other woman at Xandria's side.

“Everything alright downstairs?” Xandria continued. She and Wanda stopped a few feet from the other women and stepped out of the way of traffic in and out the door. Natasha looked from Wanda to Maria and back, then let her gaze settle on Xandria. Her expression was neutral, but she kept her gaze off Wanda.

“Yeah, sleeping soundly. Does that a lot since you showed up,” Maria said, her tone clipped. Romanov nodded, then she and Maria shared a look. Wanda shifted against Xandria's side and withdrew her arm.

“If you'll excuse me,” she said to the two agents. She then turned to Xandria. “Pietro is waiting inside. I'll let him know you're on your way.”

Xandria frowned slightly as Wanda's hurt brushed against her mind. The trio stood in silence and watched her go, then Xandria turned back to the other two women.

“Can I ask you two something?” Her voice had slipped into a stern tone the other women had yet to hear and surprise crossed Maria's face as she and Natasha nodded.

“Are you guys trying to make her feel like shit?” Xandria asked. Even Natasha looked surprised. “She told me you guys still had a problem with her, but I didn't think it would be this bad. Apparently I was wrong.”

“You don't know what she did,” Natasha began, but Xandria shook her head.

“She told me. She showed me what she made Steve see and I can't even imagine what you had to go through. But it doesn't mean she's going to do it again.”

Natasha and Maria exchanged another look, but Xandria pressed on.

“Do you forgive Tony for starting out as a weapons dealer and then creating a genocidal robot maniac?” She asked. “Do you forgive Bruce for all the destruction he's caused as the Hulk? And you're not innocent of doing bad things, either of you.”

Neither woman spoke, and Xandria felt her cheeks get hot as she struggled to control her temper.

“None of you are innocent, so why do you keep punishing Wanda for something she thought was the right thing to do? You were teamed up with the man whose weapons destroyed her entire life. Add that to her Hydra brainwashing and I think she's got a damn good excuse for going against you any way she could.” Xandria looked from one woman to the other.

“We never claimed to be innocent,”Maria said.

“We've just never violated people the way she did,” Natasha added. “I've been through hell, multiple times. But nothing has ever come close to what she did to me.”

“And I feel for you. I really do,” Xandria replied. She meant it, but even she thought her voice was too hard to be believable. “But that doesn't mean I'm going to stand by and let you make a war crimes victim feel even worse. Because that's what she is, a victim.” Xandria took a deep breath. “If you can't forgive her and treat her with the same respect you show me, I'm afraid to see what you'll do when the Winter Soldier comes out of treatment.”

She felt the warning roll out of Maria's mind, but she didn't care.

“After all, he's been murdering people for decades.” She pointed to Natasha “Including multiple attempts to take you out.” She started to walk past them then turned back. “You've got three mutants on your team now, and an entire team of Inhumans working for SHIELD. You might want to think about their reality before you condemn someone you're supposed to trust with your life in a firefight.”

She turned back to the building and walked inside, painfully aware that several people were staring at her. Her head buzzed with her own anger and she couldn't stop herself from stomping as she headed towards the cafeteria.

“Whoa there,” a familiar voice called. Xandria pulled up short and saw Tony standing just inside the cafeteria doors. “Someone's having a bad day. Did Aluminum-Arm give you a hard time?”

Xandria ground her teeth and swallowed the comment on her lips.

“No,” She managed, her tone flat. “Barnes isn't causing trouble. I'm sorry Mr. Stark,” she motioned towards the Maximoffs waiting at a table a few feet off. “I've got a lunch date and I'm late.”

“Sure thing,” Tony said as he stepped aside. She could feel his eyes on her back as she walked away.

“What the hell happened out there?” Pietro demanded as Xandria sat down.

 _I'm sorry_ , Wanda sent over _. He hates it when I get upset_.

 _It's not your fault. I underestimated how they would react. I shouldn't brought you over there_.

 _You were just trying to help_. Wanda gave her a smile but Xandria only frowned at the table.

“Hey, I asked you what happened,” Pietro said sharply.

“I tried to patch up things between Wanda and the other women on the team,” Xandria said. She looked up at him and almost flinched when she saw the anger in his face. His mind was a blank to her, and Xandria knew Wanda had put up a shield to keep his anger from washing over their minds.

“She's been through enough without you bringing her around Romanov and Hill without good reason.” He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at her.

“I know she has -” Xandria began.

“You don't know,” Pietro snapped. “You were raised in a cozy little mansion with other mutants. You were never turned into a weapon. You -”

“Saw the aftermath of what happened to Barnes? Felt Wanda's shame at what she was made to believe was right? Helped dozens of abused and abandoned children learn their own self worth again?” Xandria fought to keep her voice even. “Life wasn't peaches at the school. I had it better than you did, yes. But I had to walk into the minds of people who had been hurt over and over again, and then help them make sense out of it. I'm not blind to what happened to you.”

Pietro stared at her, his jaw working slowly. The noise of the cafeteria seemed to grow louder with every moment he sat in silence. 

“Brother...” Wanda said. When Pietro glanced at her and frowned Xandria knew they were speaking mind to mind. She sat back in her chair and rubbed her hands over her eyes. The energy she'd had earlier was all but gone.

Pietro sighed and Xandria dropped her hands to look up at him.

“You were just trying to help? To be her friend?” Pietro asked and Xandria nodded. “I guess I can't really stay mad at you for that.” 

His frown vanished and within moments it was replaced by a smile. 

“I'll go get you girls food, you wait here.” And then he took off in a silver-blue blur.

“What just happened?” Xandria asked, pointing at the fading streak of color.

“That happens when he goes off at high speeds. I think it's just the color of his clothes or something,” Wanda said. She propped her chin on one hand and traced lazy red figures on the table with her finger.

“No, I mean his attitude,” Xandria pressed. “One minute he's ready to take my head off and the next he's smiling and getting us food. What did you say to him?”

Wanda smiled and looked up at Xandria.

“That's just how he is,” she said. “He was quick to temper and quick to cool before Hydra, but he only got more temperamental when they enhanced his powers.

“So he's... mercurial?” Xandria asked, arching her eyebrow. Wanda groaned and rolled her eyes, then both women started to laugh. 

“Now that's a good sound.” Pietro had returned with two covered trays. He set them down and removed the covers to reveal an array of food, all of them packaged sealed containers.

“This place must go through plastic like mad,” Xandria said as Pietro set the containers out.

“Not really,” Wanda replied. “Pietro's the only one that gets his food packaged like this. Otherwise everything turns into a messy pile before he gets back to his table.”

“The cleaning crew used to hate me,” Pietro added.

They divided the food and began to eat. They talked about their childhoods as mutants, the things Pietro and Wanda missed most about Sokovia, and the attractions throughout New York that Xandria thought they should check out. None of them noticed the thinning crowd or the bustle of workers switching from lunch clean up to dinner preparations. It wasn't until someone cleared their throat nearby that they tuned back in to the rest of the room.

“What time is it?” Xandria looked around for a clock and found none. She fished in a pocket for her phone, but Pietro already had his out.

“It's almost six,” He said, then frowned at her. Wanda had long ago dropped the shields around his mind and his concern fluttered against Xandria. “Aren't you getting tired?

“A bit, yeah. I was having too much fun to go to bed though.” She smiled at the twins and they smiled back.

“You should get some supper and take it to your room,” Wanda said. “If you crash, at least you're already home.

Xandria nodded and the trio stood. They said goodnight and she watched as the twins headed back to the elevators together, marveling that two siblings could actually get along so well. She stopped at a food stall that was still serving the few people in the cafeteria, then headed for the elevators. The twins were long gone and she rode back to her floor in silence. Her energy seemed to dim with each floor the car dropped and she was yawning by the time she reached her room. She settled on to the couch, spread the meal on the table before her, started a movie on her phone, and finally felt at home.


	13. Cohesion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving, to those who celebrate. And happy random update day to those who read this fic!

Xandria was finishing her breakfast when someone knocked on the door. She glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall and frowned. The guards were twenty minutes early.

“Xandria,” Maria called. “Can I come in?”

 _This isn't going to be fun_ , Xandria thought as she opened the door.

“I really need to get your number. Texting is way better than shouting.” Maria stepped into the living room with a smile.

“SHIELD needs an in-team phone tree or something. I only know how to get ahold of a couple of people.” Xandria closed the door leaned against it awkwardly.

“Not a bad idea.” Maria looked at Xandria and her smile faded.

“Look, about yesterday,” she began. Xandria tensed. “You... you had a point.” 

“That's not where I thought this was going,” Xandria admitted as her shoulders relaxed.

“Sorry about that,” Maria said. “I thought about it after you went inside and you're right. Wanda has been a great member of the team and... and I think we've been too hard on her.

Xandria didn't say anything. She didn't think “no kidding” was a good way to respond.

“Natasha is going to take a little more time to come around though, but she saw where you were coming from too,” Maria said.

“I'm just happy you guys actually thought about it,” Xandria said. “I've seen enough anti-mutant sentiment to know the damage it can do.”

“It's not like we hate all mutants,” Maria said.

“No, you just had such a big problem with Wanda that she was afraid to go near you guys.”

“Damn,” Maria said. “I didn't think it was that bad.”

“You have to remember that she can tell what you're feeling,” Xandria said. “Everyone projects emotions, unless they've shielded themselves entirely like Natasha. You guys might have played nice, but she knew how you really felt.

Maria sighed and pursed her lips.

“I hadn't thought of that.” She crossed her arms. “You telepaths have a weird – how'd you put it – 'personal reality'?”

“Something like that,” Xandria replied. “I try to remember that people don't inherently know how the world appears to me, but it doesn't excuse it when they try and shame me for it.”

“Point taken.” Maria let her arms drop and held one hand out. “We good?” 

Xandria looked at her, then pushed off from the door. 

“Yeah, we're fine,” Xandria replied as she shook the other woman's hand.

“Good.” Maria glanced at her watch. “We'd better get going, Sergeant Barnes is waiting.”

Xandria finished the clean up she'd put down earlier, then grabbed her sweater and shoes. Maria led her from the apartment and down to the elevators. Xandria searched the other woman's emotions to make sure she'd been sincere and almost sighed in relief.

“Should we be prepared for anything specific today?” Maria asked. 

“Not really, I'll be doing the same thing as yesterday.” Xandria replied. She and Maria stepped into the car and Maria keyed in a floor code. The elevator began to drop and Xandria arched an eyebrow.

“How far down does this base go?” She asked and Maria smiled.

“Farther than you will probably ever have clearance to find out.”

“Fair enough,” Xandria replied. She leaned against the wall and thought about the work she'd begun with Barnes. There were countless broken memory chains and they would never finish if they only did two or three a day.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Maria said. Xandria glanced over as she scanned Maria's outward emotions. The other woman was still worried about the confrontation the day before.

“I'm just thinking about Barnes,” Xandria replied. “He's been doing well so far, but we're going to have to pick up the pace if we want to get him back to anything resembling functional before we all die of old age.”

“Ah,” Maria said with a nod. “I can't be of any help there.”

“You are helping, actually,” Xandria said. She smiled over at Maria. “I really appreciate the work you're doing on Barnes' quarters. He needs to feel like a human, not an asset. That alone may help break down some of the conditioning Hydra put in place.”

“It's all on Fury's orders,” Maria said. “You impressed him when you called him out. That's not easy to do.”

“Impressing him or calling him out?” Xandria asked. 

“Pick one,” Maria replied with a smile.

Their car dinged to a stop and they stepped out into a hallway disarmingly similar to the one they'd just left.

“Barnes is down here on the right,” Maria pointed, then led the way down to the door. She took a key from her pants pocket and unlocked it, then motioned Xandria inside. A few guards looked up from a familiar bank of monitors and a few more were posted by an internal door. Xandria glanced at the monitors and saw Barnes in a new cell, his arms and legs restrained and his head back against the wall. His mind moved at the quiet, jagged buzz it had when he had retreated to the sanctuary.

“How was he during the move?” Xandria asked.

“Better than normal. They got him down here without a problem.” Maria's surprise brushed against Xandria.

“It helps when you warn him what's coming,” Xandria said.

Maria nodded, then turned to the guards by Barnes' door.

“Open his door and call the guards out,” she ordered. They obeyed as Maria turned back to Xandria. “You've got as much time as you need, and his updated quarters will be ready for him this evening. They're planning on moving him at about seven.”

“I'll let him know. Thank you, Maria.” Xandria nodded at the guards by the door, then slipped past them. She waited until they'd closed the door behind her before she crossed the room to a chair set beside Barnes' bunk. Barnes' head was still back but his mind had woken up. 

“Good morning, Sergeant Barnes,” Xandria said. He opened his eyes and blinked a few times, then looked over at her.

“Back again, doc?” He asked.

“I'm not a doctor, Sergeant. Just someone who wants to help,” She replied. 

“Nah, you're a doc alright. Every soldier needs a good doc on his side.” Barnes stretched his neck and tensed in his restraints for a moment as he tried to stretch.

“Would you like me to remove your restraints?” Xandria asked. Barnes nodded and relaxed against the wall as Xandria released his arms and legs.

“The agents outside wanted me to tell you that you'll be moved back to your old quarters this evening,” Xandria said. She dropped the restraints on the floor and sat back. “They've been updated and should feel a lot less prison-like.”

“That'll be nice,” Barnes said. “Been a while since I've slept someplace that wasn't a prison.”

Xandria's brow furrowed and she tucked her lip into her teeth. 

“You seem better today,” she finally said, unsure of how to respond. “You're talking a lot more.”

Barnes looked away and the skin on the side of his neck flushed a little.

“I, uh... I might'a done something you told me not to,” he said. Xandria didn't say anything and he glanced over at her. “I got bored, now that I'm not drugged so much. I had all these messed up memories floating around and I just... I just wanted to fix it.”

Alarm tightened Xandria's chest.

“You altered your memories?” she asked. “Without me?”

“Nothing bad happened, doc. You said I'm doing better.” Barnes kept his eyes averted from hers and he flinched when Xandria shifted in the chair. Xandria realized what he was expecting and felt her stomach turn over.

“Sergeant Barnes, please look at me,” she said softly. Barnes turned his head slowly, then met her eyes.  
“You're not going to be punished. This isn't Hydra and you're not a weapon any more. If I'm a doc, then you're my patient and I won't hurt you.”

Barnes nodded and Xandria gave him a smile. One side of his mouth quirked up a little and Xandria tucked the memory away for Rogers. 

“Now,” she continued. “Let's see what you got done and where we're going to go from here.”

“Sounds good,” Barnes replied as he held out his arm. He closed his eyes as Xandria's fingers found his pulse. She looked at him for a moment and frowned slightly. Then she closed her eyes and stepped into his mind.


	14. Retrieval

Barnes' thought-form waited for her just inside his mind. He motioned her towards the shelter, then hurried away. He reached the shelter before her and began to point to its base here and there. Xandria followed the motions and found cracks snaking up the walls. She could actually see into the shelter through the largest of them. 

_I'll fix it before I leave today_. She coupled the words with a sensation of calm and Barnes relaxed. He nodded, then motioned for her to follow once more. This time he led her to the pen she'd had him construct to hold the memory fragments. It was nearly full and the memory fragments engaged and disengaged from one another as they sought something larger to attach to.

 _We should find homes for them_ , Xandria thought. Barnes pulsed confusion out, his head cocked slightly to one side. 

_If any of these fragments came from recent memories, you can reattach them and have a more complete memory sequence. It should turn the noise down in here too_.

Barnes nodded eagerly, then turned towards the pen of memories. He stared at it for a moment, then selected a few and held them out to Xandria. 

She took hold of them and sent herself into them one by one. The first memory was Steve standing on a roof, bent over his shield and gasping. It was followed by the inside of a bank vault while Alexander Pierce looked over Barnes. The third memory was the underside of a bridge lit by the soft glow of a fire.

 _These do look pretty recent_ , Xandria said with a nod. _We'll start with these and then go looking for any more rogue memories._

Barnes froze for a moment, then turned towards a series of memory chains some distance away. Xandria followed and waited while he went through them. Now and then he would hold out a hand and she would place one memory at a time into it until he closed around one and absorbed it. By the time all three memory fragments had been reattached, new broken memories had crowded closer, drawn in by the order Barnes was creating. Panic built up around him, and Xandria hurried to block him from the memory fragments. 

_Do you want to take care of these or do you want me to send them away_? Xandria asked. Barnes held up a single finger and then made a motion to beckon the memories forward. Xandria let one memory through and then sat with him as he went through it, half her concentration on the shield around them and half on Barnes. He bowed his head and laid a hand on the memory chain, then went still. Xandria's eyes widened as she watched his thought-form's shape become more and more solid until the Winter Soldier sat before her in full uniform. His head twitched to one side every few moments like a sleeper moving in time to his dreams. His hand tensed on the memory and Xandria watched the plates of his arm move and shift, then dull as he reached the end of the memory. Other colors cut through the solid image until he was once again the swirling mix of identities he'd originally appeared as. 

_Find anything that didn't belong_? Xandria asked. Barnes nodded and held up two memory fragments, then tossed them to lie behind Xandria. He released the memory chain and waited until it faded before he held up another finger. Xandria let another memory fragment through and watched as the Winter Soldier solidified again. The clarity of the image faded as he made it to the end of the memory, and this time he held out four memory fragments. He tossed them into the pile but did not release the memory. 

_Sergeant_? Xandria asked. Barnes held his hand out to her, palm flat, and Xandria sat back. He crossed to the the memory chains he'd gone through earlier and selected one of from the group. He then came back and held the memories out to her, pressing them together and then holding them out once more. 

_Are you sure they're connected_? Xandria asked and Barnes nodded. He pointed to her hand and then held out one of the memories. Xandria nodded and settled the shield around them, then held her hand out for the memory. Barnes sat across from her and handed her the chain, then laid the other one between them. 

The smell came first. Human waste, stagnant water, and burning garbage. Xandria gagged, then blocked the smell from her senses. Sounds washed over her at the same time and she looked around to see a group of homeless men gathered around a barrel of burning waste. 

“I'm telling you, the guy was from that government group. The one that had all those Nazis in it!” One man was looking to each of his companions in turn, eyes wide. “They was looking for the kid that showed up last week. Wanted to question him.” 

“You're making shit up again, Don,” another man insisted. “That kid is just some junky, same as the rest. Why would the feds want a junky?” 

“He ain't a junky.” Don said. “You ever seen him take a hit? No. Means he ain't a junky.” 

“Whatever. Junky, kook, same thing out here.” The same man said with a sniff. “Doesn't matter why he's here, the feds aren't gonna want a bum for questioning.” 

“I dunno Mark,” another man said. “There's something odd about that kid. Never talks, never takes his arm outta that sweater, sleeps like the dead but will take your head off if you get too close when he's out.” The man shook his head. “He kinda spooks me.” 

“You've been out here how long, Jim?” Mark said. “I don't think you've ever met a new guy who didn't spook you.” 

The men muttered to one another, too low for Barnes' memory to pick up. She glanced around for him and found him standing just behind her. An olive canvas jacket protected him against the autumn wind's chill and a black v-neck shirt's sleeves poked out from the jacket's cuffs. Barnes walked towards them, hands in the pockets of his black jeans as his scuffed boots crunched the leaves underfoot. The men stopped muttering and looked up as he approached. 

“Hey there Alex!” Mark called. “Where you been?” 

“Around,” Barnes called back. “What you guys talking about?” The men glanced at one another, then Don spoke up. 

“Someone was looking for you earlier,” he said. “Guys with dark glasses and a sedan.” 

"Really?” Barnes asked as he sidled up to the fire. “What'd they want?” 

“Don't play into this, Alex,” Mark warned. “Don's off his nut again.”

“The hell I am,” Don muttered darkly. “I swear, they were here before the rest of you showed up. They said they were looking for a guy in his 30's, long dark hair, might have a habit of hiding his left arm. Sounds an awful lot like you.” 

“Or most junkies,” Barnes replied. He looked up at Don and squinted. “You sure you're not off your nut?” 

“Ah, you guys can go to hell,” Don huffed. He settled into a pout and pressed a little closer to the fire. The group fell silent for a moment, then Barnes grunted. 

“You guys are too damn glum. I'm outta here,” he grumbled. He waved at them then wandered back the way he came. 

_You were living under a bridge_ , Xandria wondered. Barnes' thought-form appeared next to her and nodded, then vanished again. She followed Barnes' remembered self through the dead leaves and up a small hill. The smell of the fire faded as they moved deeper into the trees around the bridge. Barnes' head was down but Xandria could see his hair shifting against his collar as he scanned from side to side. 

The silence of the memory seemed unnatural, though Xandria knew it was just the effect of being deep in the forest during a dormant part of the year. Barnes' feet crunched through the underbrush and she heard his breathing deepen as the hill got steeper. Xandria didn't bother maintaining a realistic presence in the memory and floated up the hill behind him. The ground leveled out at the top and Xandria touched down beside Barnes. He was no longer looking down and she watched as he scanned the darkness slowly. 

“Sergeant Barnes,” a voice came out of the darkness. “We're not here to hurt you.” 

A young woman stepped out of the trees, hands held slightly out in front of her. Her long hair was tied back and her wrists were wrapped in odd-looking braces. 

"We just want to get you somewhere safe,” the woman went on. 

“You Hydra?” Barnes asked. He shifted from one foot to the other and Xandria recognized the stance from martial arts classes at the school. The young woman stopped a few yards away and eyed Barnes warily. 

“Do I look like fucking Hydra?” She motioned down her uniform, and Xandria saw a small SHIELD logo stitched over the right breast of her bullet proof vest. 

“That doesn't mean anything,” Barnes said. “Hydra ran SHIELD for decades.” 

“This is true. That asshole Alex Pierce fucked us all over,” she said. “But I'm not okay with genetic experiments on vulnerable people. Which pretty much disqualifies me from the super-secret squid club." They looked at one another for a moment and then the young woman sighed 

“You still don't believe me,” she said and Barnes slowly shook his head.

“I don't believe people as a general rule,” he replied. “But you could buy a little credit by having your buddies come out of the trees." The young woman glared at him, then whistled sharply. Six forms moved out of the trees and into sight. Barnes shook his head. 

“All of them," Barnes said. "Or this goes bad fast." Two more people dropped out of the trees overhead and landed behind Barnes. They made a wide arc to either side and came to stand behind the young woman. 

“They told us you'd be hard to corner,” she said. “I'm Skye, and this is my team.” Barnes held up a hand and shook his head before she could continue. 

“Names aren't important. What is important is what the hell you guys are." Xandria squinted through the growing darkness and then shook her head before looking again. The people gathered around Barnes weren't human, and some looked positively unearthly. 

_Mutants_? She thought. She didn't recognize any of them, though that didn't mean much. 

“We're the Inhumans, a special team put together by Director Coulson after Hydra's takeover of SHIELD facilities.” Skye explained. “We usually just shut down small Hydra cells and take our shit back, but when we got a lock on your location we were sent to retrieve you.” Barnes looked at each team member in turn, then looked back at Skye. 

The memory ended with a sharp cutoff and Xandria blinked for a moment, caught off-guard. Barnes took the memory chain from her hand and held out the second one. 

_You were brought in by the Inhuman team_? Xandria asked. Barnes nodded, then shook his head, then held out the new memory chain. Xandria took it, closed her eyes, and plunged them back inside. 

“I don't feel like being retrieved,” Barnes said. “So why don't you let me go on my way?” 

“You know we can't do that.” Skye took a step forward and Barnes slid his arm from the pocket of his coat. Skye's eyes locked on it immediately, but she didn't step back. 

“Stand down, Agent Johnson,” a new voice cut in. 

Xandria turned and saw a figure coming up the hill behind them. Barnes glanced over his shoulder, brow tight. 

“How did you get there?” He snapped. 

“Oh, by walking,” the man replied. The evening light was fading fast and Xandria squinted to see through the shadows between the trees. 

“But if you're wondering how I snuck up on you,” Fury stopped just down the hill from Barnes. “You and I have met before.” 

Barnes turned a little more and looked Fury over. 

“You don't remember me, do you?” Fury asked. Barnes' head twitched and his eyes went over Fury's shoulder before snapping back. 

“You.... you run SHIELD,” Barnes said. His eyes went back over Fury's shoulder and he frowned. 

“Ran, past tense. For all the world knows, I'm dead. Thanks to you, of course.” Fury glanced over his shoulder, then turned back to Barnes. “You know there's nothing there, right?” 

_“Yeah, I know,” Barnes said. But his gaze continued to flick past Fury._

“It wasn't too bad when you first split town,” Fury said. Barnes stared at him, his eyes locked on Fury for the first time since he arrived. 

“What are you talking about?” Barnes' voice was still uninterested, but Xandria saw a new look enter his eyes. 

“The visions, or hallucinations,” Fury said. “You didn't have them at first, but the longer you were away from Hydra the worse they got. First it was images of your handlers, telling you to come home. Then there were dead bodies, the carnage of war.” Barnes flinched and Fury nodded. 

“We can help you, Sergeant Barnes.” Fury pointed up the hill, past the ring of Inhumans. “I've got a SHIELD escort team waiting. We can move you back into a safe environment and get you treated.” Barnes clenched and loosened his jaw rhythmically, eyes narrowed. 

“You going to wipe me again?” He finally asked. Fury shook his head. 

“Hell no, that's Hydra's deal. We've been in contact with some people who think they can help put you back together again, properly.” Fury put his hands in the pockets of his overcoat and waited. Barnes glanced back at the Inhumans, then looked at Fury. 

_“I'm not getting out of here am I?”Barnes asked and Fury shook his head._

“You're mind is fragmenting. I can't let you out in the world like that, soldier.” 

“Well then,” Barnes said, “I guess I don't have much of a choice.” 

Fury swept a hand out and Barnes turned away. Skye led them up the hill and the Inhumans encircled them. They crested the hill a few moments later and found a small train of SHIELD vehicles waiting. Agents climbed out and approached Barnes slowly. 

“We'll have to restrain you,” Fury said. “I'm sure you understand.” 

“Surely do,” Barnes said. He let the agents remove his coat and bundle him into a complex restraint system. Fury stood aside and watched until Barnes was loaded into the back of a SHIELD van. 

“You were wrong,” Barnes called as Fury turned away. 

“About?” Fury turned back, his eyebrow raised. 

“The hallucinations,” Barnes said. “Had them with Hydra too.” Fury frowned and motioned for the agents in the van with Barnes to close the doors. 


	15. Energy Out

Xandria exited the dream and found that Barnes' thought form was no longer across from her. She stood up and dropped her shield.

 _Sergeant_? She called out as she turned in circles. His thought-form appeared beside her a moment later and pointed to the memory chain in her hand. He had the other with him and he motioned for them to connect once more.

 _I... hang on, slow down_. Xandria said. Barnes went still and Xandria held out the second memory chain. _You were right, these two do go together. And if you will them to merge, they will. But you need to be this certain before you link any chains in the future. It's a lot harder to remove melded memories than it is to combine them_. 

Barnes nodded, sweeping his hand to the fragments he had already removed from the memory chains.

 _Fragments aren't that hard. But fully melded memories are something else altogether. Just be careful, okay_? She handed him the chain in her hand.

Barnes nodded again and then turned away. He sat down, bowed his head, and pressed the ends of the memory chains together. An electric sizzle filled the air around them, and then the chains vanished from Barnes' memory. The sounds of chaos, most of which Xandria had learned to tune out, dimmed a little as Barnes' mind accepted the truth of his memory and fired off a series of corrections to his internal data. 

Barnes' thought-form looked up at her and Xandria smiled. 

_When you settle a memory sequence and your mind takes it back in – instead of leaving it to rattle around – it can cause a chain reaction of small corrections. I wouldn't count on it happening every time, but it's definitely a good sign_.

The form nodded and Xandria stretched.

 _I think you can work on your own for a bit_ , she paired the words with a warm sensation of approval and the form nodded again. Xandria laid one hand on his shoulder and squeezed slightly. 

_You're doing good work, sergeant. You should be proud of yourself_. She pulled her hand away and stood, then slipped from his mind.

She opened her eyes and blinked a few times to clear the fuzziness from her vision. When she was able to see clearly she turned to Barnes. He was watching her with his usual neutral expression but his shoulders were tense.

“I'm fine, Sergeant Barnes,” she assured him. 

“You sure?” He asked and Xandria nodded.

“It's sweet of you to worry, but you don't need to. Just worry about getting those memories linked back together.” She patted his hand and then set it on his lap. Barnes didn't say anything and watched her as she stood up and stretched. She paused mid-stretch, then frowned as a thought occurred to her.

“You get a chance to get up and move around, right?” She asked, and Barnes nodded.

“For about thirty minutes, twice a day,” he replied.

“Good,” Xandria gave a nod. “I should have asked sooner, I'm sorry.”

Barnes shook his head.

“You're new at this,” he said.

“Well, thank you.” Xandria smiled, then grabbed her sweater from the chair. “Are you ready for the guards to come back in?” 

Barnes shrugged and laid his head back against the wall.  
“'Bout as ready as I'm gonna be,” he said. “Are they going to take me back to the old place tonight?”

“I think so,” Xandria said. “And I'll be back tomorrow, regardless of which room you're in.”

Barnes nodded at her, then closed his eyes. His brain settled into a calmer rhythm and Xandria crossed to the door. She knocked twice, then stepped aside and let the guards in. They restrained Barnes, then resumed a post against the back wall as she walked out. 

“You work fast,” Hill said. Xandria glanced at a clock above the computer bank, saw six hours had passed, and looked back at Maria with a quirked eyebrow.

“I mean him,” Maria pointed to Barnes on a computer monitor. “He sounds more like a sane person than Stark does half the time.”

“Yeah, well,” Xandria chewed her lip, then dropped into an empty seat near Maria. “All I've done is give him the tools to fix the tiny portion of his brain he still has access to. And even then, it's imprecise.”

“What do you mean 'portion of his brain'?” Maria sat back in her chair and crossed her legs at the ankles, eyes focused.

“There's a … a wall.” Xandria motioned to the back of her head. “It looks like each time they wiped him, it set up a kind of wall between his active mind and his memories of the past. Former training is given room to come through, and fragments of past memories get through cracks. But, for the most part, Barnes is functioning with a fraction of his mind.”

“So what does that mean for treatment?” Hill asked. Xandria sighed and rubbed her eyes, then her mouth, and then let her hand dropped.

“The wall is going to have to come down. And I don't know what's going to happen to all of his progress when it does. And god only knows how many walls are in his brain. They all have to come down and each time it could mean a giant leap back and baby steps forward again.”

“Can you handle all that?” Maria's voice changed and Xandria looked up at her sharply.

“Is this Maria asking, or Fury talking through Maria?” She asked.

“Both,” Maria shrugged. “I'd be concerned about you burning out even if Fury wasn't worried about this whole thing imploding.”

Xandria scanned Maria's outward emotions, then let her shoulders relax. 

“I'll manage,” Xandria said. Maria arched an eyebrow at her and she sighed. “Seriously, I'll be okay. It's not like I'm going to die of exhaustion.”

“If you say so, Miss Miracle,” Maria smiled at her and Xandria smiled back. She glanced once more at the clock and rose to leave.

“I'm going to try and grab some lunch before it gets too late,” she said.

“Keep an eye out for Natasha,” Maria said. “She's coming around, but she really doesn't like being yelled at.”

“Noted,” Xandria said. Her shoulders slumped as she turned away and she only gave the guard a brief nod as she walked out. 

_You're finally outta there, huh_? Wanda's voice brushed against her mind and Xandria smiled as she trudged towards the elevator.

 _Yup, out and hungry. Feel like meeting up at the cafeteria_?

 _Sure thing, I'll meet you there_.

Xandria stepped into her elevator car and leaned against the wall, then allowed herself a yawn as she keyed in the floor she wanted.


	16. Force Out

Xandria stepped outside her door the next morning, mind cast towards Barnes' room. She felt his mind first, awake and slightly smoother than it had been the day before. She also felt Maria's mind, dulled with boredom as she sat at the computers. A few guards accompanied them, and Xandria was sure there were more she just couldn't sense. She closed her door and made her way down the hall as she fought the urge to yawn. A guard answered her knock on the apartment door and she felt Maria's surprise when she stepped inside.

“You look terrible,” Maria said. 

“Gee, thanks.” Xandria smiled at her, then shrugged. “I had a really weird nightmare last night. Nothing to get excited over.”

“If you say so, Miss Miracle. Barnes is awake and waiting for you.” Maria looked Xandria over once more, then jerked a thumb at the door to Barnes' room and turned back to the computers.

A guard opened the door and three guards filed out. Xandria waited for the fourth, and finally had to stick her head inside when nobody came out.

“Reduced guard,” Barnes said. “Your doing, I'm guessing?”

“Not quite,” Xandria stepped into the room and waited for the guard to lock the door. Behind her. “I told Fury you needed to be treated more like a person. I'm guessing this is a show of good faith.”

Barnes nodded and then went still as Xandria removed his restraints. They were even lighter than they had been the day before and Xandria smiled.

“Not your idea either?” Barnes asked, and Xandria shook her head.

“Kinda, kinda not. I voted for no restraints at all. You've been in control enough that I think Fury might be coming around.”

“I feel more in control,” Barnes said. Something in his voice caught Xandria's attention and she looked up at him. He gave her a small smile and then shifted on the bed. The prison cot was gone and a solid metal frame was in its place, topped with a soft memory foam mattress and real blankets. 

“I kept up with the memories after you left. I did a lot of work,” he added.

“You were careful, right?” Xandria sat down in her chair and dropped the restraints to the floor. 

“Yes, doc.” Barnes said. “I didn't mix anything that didn't need mixing, and I didn't break anything didn't need breaking.”

“Good,” Xandria held her hands out for his arm, but Barnes held it back. 

“I was thinking we should hold off today,” he looked her over. “You look like you need a break.”

“Oh for the... I just had a nightmare, sergeant.” Xandria frowned at him but Barnes kept his wrist away. “I'm not going to collapse, I promise.”

Barnes hesitated a moment longer, then extended his wrist.

“Thank you,” Xandria said as she settled her fingers over his pulse. She closed her eyes and waited to catch the rhythm of Barnes' breath, then slid into his mind.

It was almost silent and Xandria turned slowly, her eyes searching for anything out of place. Only a few memory chains floated freely in the darkness, their lengths free of foreign fragments. 

_You must have worked all night_. Xandria made her way to the shelter and slipped inside. Barnes' thought-form was sitting on the floor, merging a pair of memories together. Xandria watched as they faded, and cast her mind out to feel the calm outside the shelter increase. 

_Well I just don't know what we're going to do today_. Xandria smiled at the thought-form. Barnes' response was to grab her hand and tug her out of the shelter. She followed quietly, her eyes searching ahead for some memory bundle or fragment grouping he wanted to work on.

It wasn't until she felt the darkness of the wall creeping over her that she realized where he was leading her. 

_Oh no_. She tugged her hand free. _We cannot bring that wall down today. You have no idea what's going to happen when it comes down. I don't even know what's going to happen_!

Barnes stopped and looked back at her, then pointed back at the wall, his motion jerky and rapid. Xandria crossed her arms and shook her head.

_I went to the other side, and it's like a psychedelic version of the chaos you just got under control. You should just enjoy what you have for right now. We'll take the wall down in a couple of days and then we can start the reconstruction_.

Barnes shook his head again and pointed at the wall once more.

_It's for your own good, sergeant. I don't want to see you fall apart again when you just got a little more put together_. 

Barnes' arm dropped and he stepped closer to her. He brought his hands up and laid them on her shoulder. Xandria got a brief flash of her own face, a fragment of her own voice, and a sensation of low warmth. And then he pushed her away. She fell out of his mind and back into her own so abruptly that she froze in shock. Barnes gently pulled his arm free and Xandria blinked her eyes open.

“How did you do that?” She turned to him, eyes wide.

“Just thought about it kinda hard and... pushed.” Barnes sighed and looked down, then laid his head back against the wall. “So you're not going to help me with this wall, then?”

“I will, I swear. Just take a few days to enjoy the control you've gotten. Do you really want to go back to hell so soon?”

“Of course not!” Barnes' head came up hard and he glared at her. “I just want my mind back. I want to be a whole person again, not some killing machine with a fraction of a brain.”

“Sergeant,” Xandria began, but Barnes cut her off.

“You should take the day for yourself,” he said. “Go have lunch with a friend or something.”

“I can still help you,” Xandria said. “I can teach you to refine your thought-form or how to communicate with me in-mind, or...” Xandria trailed off when Barnes shook his head.

“Get going, doc. We can work on all that next time.”

Xandria chewed her lower lip, brow furrowed.

“Sergeant,” she began, but she trailed off.

“I understand your point, I really do.” Barnes said, “but I can handle the odds and ends floating around on this side of the wall. And you look like you could take the day off.”

“I can't talk you out of this, can I?” Xandria asked and Barnes shook his head.

“I'll see you next time, doc.” He gave her a small smile, then closed his eyes and laid his head back one final time. Xandria rose and crossed the room, but the door was already opening. Barnes' guards filed in and rigged his restraints up as Maria beckoned to Xandria on the other side of the door.

“What the hell happened?” Maria demanded the moment the door was closed.

“I, uh...” Xandria glanced at the guards around the room, then motioned towards the hall. “Could we talk in my apartment?”

“Berhan, take over.” Maria pointed to a guard and then to a vacant seat in front of the computer bank. The young woman sat down and Maria led Xandria out of the room. She waited in the hall while Xandria unlocked the door, and then walked in close on her heels.

“I ask again: what the hall happened?” Maria crossed her arms and pursed her lips.

“He kicked me out of his brain.” Xandria sat down heavily in the center of her couch and waved her hand towards one of the arm chairs. Maria dropped into it, brow tight.

“He can do that? Like, that's a thing people can do?” she asked.

“Not usually, no.” Xandria sighed. “Both Barnes and Steve show a heightened capacity for mental manipulation. My guess is that the serums used on them did something to their brains.”

“That would have been good to know sooner,” Maria said. “And when exactly were you in Steve's mind?”

Xandria frowned and kicked herself for mentioning it.

“He walked me to my quarters after the dinner at Fury's. He thought it might be helpful for me to know what Barnes was like before all the mucking about in his brain. I went on a little walk and gathered some remembered sensations to use in Barnes' therapy.”

“Also would have been good to know sooner,” Maria said. She sighed and slumped back in her seat as Xandria frowned.

“Outside of my work with Barnes, what I do with my gifts is no concern of SHIELDS,” she said.

“You're right,” Maria nodded. “But Steve Rogers is our business and, as a friend, I've been worried about him.”

Xandria's irritation went out of her and she slumped back against the couch.

“That's fair,” she mumbled. “If it's any consolation, Steve's doing a lot better.”

“Good to hear,” Maria said. She sat silent for a moment, then pointed back at Barnes' quarters. 

“So what are you going to do about him?”

Xandria grumbled quietly for a moment, then shook her head.

“Nothing,” she said. “At least not today, at any rate. He doesn't want me in there so there's nothing I can do. I'm going to go back tomorrow and see how he feels then.”

“Why did he kick you out in the first place?” Maria asked. “You're the only person he talks to, you'd think he'd want you to stick around.”

“He found that wall I told you about,” Xandria replied. “He wanted me to take it down today, but I refused. He just got a sort of control over his mind and I wanted him to enjoy it before we unleashed some new form of hell.”

“That makes sense, yeah.” Maria nodded. “So he got mad and threw you out?”

“I wouldn't say that he got mad. More that he just didn't want someone else in his brain if I wasn't going to help him do what he wanted to do.”

“Can he bring the wall down by himself? Do we need to be prepared for a relapse?”

Xandria frowned, then shook her head.

“The amount of pain he'd feel would probably prevent him from pulling the wall down himself. He's done basic work so far, in as much as this kind of stuff can be basic,” she said. “He might try, but I am fairly certain he's going to need my help and he won't be getting it for another day or two at least.”

Maria nodded once more, then glanced at her watch. 

“I should probably be getting back,” she said. “You try and get some rest, okay? That nightmare must have been hell.”

“ Gee, thanks... again,” Xandria smiled up at Maria. The other woman waved at her and let herself out of the apartment, and Xandria slid down to lye on the couch cushion. She thought about the flashes she'd seen when Barnes' thought-form had laid its hands on her. He hadn't meant to show them to her, that much she was sure of. She was less clear on what exactly they meant.


	17. Reconciliation

Xandria went back the next morning, but when the door opened a figure blocked her way inside.

“Good morning Miss Wesson,” Fury said. 

“Agent Fury,” Xandria said stiffly. “Is everything alright?” 

“Yes, yes, everything is fine.” Fury motioned for her to walk with him down the hall back towards her door. “Sergeant Barnes is actually doing so well that he made a request this morning.”

“What was it?” Xandria had a feeling she knew what Barnes had asked for, but she hoped she was wrong.

“He asked for a day off from treatments. Said it would do you good to have a day off, and that he wanted to have a day 'alone in his brain'. That's a direct quote.”

“I thought so,” Xandria replied. Fury stopped in front of her door and gave her a stern look.

“Agent Hill mentioned you had an interesting session with Sergeant Barnes yesterday,” he said.

“I thought she would,” Xandria said and fought the urge to sigh. “Do I need to write a report or something?”

“No, Agent Hill already took care of that,” Fury answered. “But you and I are going to need to sit down and talk about Barnes' progress some time soon.”

“Yes, sir,” Xandria said with a nod. 

“The day is yours, Miss Wesson,” Fury said. “I'll be contact about that meeting later this evening.”

Fury turned back to Barnes' quarters and Xandria watched him go. She searched for Barnes' mind and found him in his room. She swept the outside of his mind to make sure nothing was amiss, then stepped into her apartment. She walked to the false windows and looked out of them for a few minutes, searching the grounds for familiar landmarks. Then she wandered into her kitchen and poked around in the mostly-empty cabinets. She ended up back in her bedroom where she flopped onto her bed and sighed. Her phone was still on the night stand and she searched through her contacts for someone to talk to. Steve wasn't exactly a social acquaintance and she'd felt Maria's mind at the computers in Barnes' quarters, so she was out. Her friends at the school wouldn't be much use since they wouldn't be allowed to know where she was.

She was just about to text Wanda when someone knocked on her door.

“Who is it?” She went to the front door and waited.

“It's Natasha, can I come in?”

“Yeah, of course,” Xandria said. Her fingers fumbled over themselves to unlock the door and she opened it in a rush the moment she could. Her knees wanted to knock together as Maria's warning slipped through her mind, but she forced a smile.

“What's up?” Xandria asked as she stepped aside to let Natasha in.

“Maria text me and said that Barnes wanted a day off from therapy. I figured I could take you into town and we could hang out.”

“Hang out?” Xandria repeated.

“Yeah, hang out. Get coffee, go shopping, something like that.” Natasha stood in the center of the room, arms crossed as she faced Xandria.

“That sounds fun,” Xandria said slowly. “Let me just grab -”

“We could invite Maximoff, if you want.” Natasha's body language didn't change, but Xandria caught a slight rippling in the shielding around Natasha's mind. It was the kind of ripple that went out when someone increased their barriers. Xandria leveled her gaze on Natasha.

“Are you sure you're okay with that?” Xandria kept her voice neutral.

“I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't okay with it.” Natasha raised one eyebrow and pursed her lips slightly.

“I just... Maria said you were thinking about what I – what happened the other day. I want to apologize for losing my temper, but I stand by what I said. Wanda will be able to tell if you still don't want her around, shield or no shield. Forcing it is only going to make things more tense.”

“I know you're just trying to help, Xandria.” Natasha cocked her head to one side slightly and Xandria got the uncomfortable feeling that she was prey being sized up by a hunter. “But I've been dealing with people for a long, long time. I know myself and I know how people work. This is the best solution.”

Xandria did her best to return Natasha's self-assured gaze and thought a few moments.

“I can invite her,” she finally said. “But that doesn't mean that she'll be willing to attend or that Pietro won't want to come along.” 

“I'm only asking that you invite her.” Natasha nodded like they'd made a bargain, and then sat down on the couch and watched Xandria.

 _This is going to be so awkward_. Xandria went back to her bedroom for her phone and sent off the text message, then grabbed a sweater and went back into the living room. Her phone beeped as Natasha stood up, and Xandria checked her messages.

“She says she'll meet us in the garages.” Xandria couldn't keep herself from sounding surprised.

“We should get going, then. Don't want to keep her waiting.” Natasha led the way out the door and Xandria bit back a sigh as she followed. She checked Barnes' brain one more time while they waited for the elevator. He was deeper in sleep that he'd been earlier, and Xandria furrowed her brow. 

“What's wrong?” Natasha's voice was sharp and drew Xandria away from her scan.

“Barnes' brain is registering weird,” Xandria explained. 

“I thought you were giving him the day off?” Natasha asked. 

“I'm not in his mind, just scanning its outward projections. I'm not invading his privacy, I promise.”

Natasha was silent for a moment, then she nodded.

“I believe you,” she said. Xandria felt tension go out of her shoulders that she hadn't realized she'd been holding onto. 

“So what's so weird about his brain? I mean, beyond the obvious,” Natasha said.

“Well, he doesn't normally sleep very deeply during the day. At least, not since they stopped drugging him. But right now he's pretty far under and it makes me uneasy.”

“Do you think something is wrong?” Natasha asked. The elevator opened before them and Natasha put out a hand to hold the car, but she turned her body back towards Barnes' quarters.

“I don't know, and I can't know without going in,” Xandria said. “If something goes wrong, Fury or Maria will call me. Right?” 

Natasha nodded, then turned and stepped into the elevator. Xandria cast one more worried sweep back at Barnes and stepped in as well. 

They stepped out on the main floor a few moments later. Natasha led her down a side corridor and swiped a card at a door near the end.

“If you want to leave base without a team member, we're going to have to get you one of these.” Natasha held up the card and Xandria nodded. 

“So far this is the first time I've left base in a week. So I don't think that's a priority,” she said.

“We should work on that,” Natasha said. She smiled at Xandria as the door opened. They stepped into the garage and Wanda stood up from the low step she'd been sitting on.

“Hi,” she said. She gave both women tentative smiles, which Xandria returned brightly.

“Hey,” Natasha returned with a nod. 

“So, where are we going?” Wanda asked.

“I was thinking coffee and some new clothes would be a good way to wrap up Xandria's first week here on the base.” Natasha motioned to a low-slung black car parked a few rows down. 

“That does sound fun. Thanks for inviting me,” Wanda let Natasha pass and then fell in step with Xandria.

“I have been kinda shitty lately,” Natasha said. She stopped in front of the car and sat down on the hood. She crossed her arms and looked at the two women. “I don't normally say this, so don't expect a repeat performance. But... I'm sorry.”

Wanda and Xandria looked at each other as they traded mental notes of surprise.

“Yeah, I know, the unheard words.” Natasha said. She smiled for a moment, then it fell away. “You've proven you're a good guy, as much as any of us are. I shouldn't have been so cold. It's going to take time for me to drop the chip on my shoulder that Xandria pointed out, but I'm working on it.”

“I completely understand,” Wanda said. “It means so much that you're even willing to try.”

“Yeah, well,” Natasha gave another smile and this one stuck around. “There aren't many women among the superheroes. We have to kind of stick together.”

“Amen,” Xandria muttered. The other two looked at her and she flushed. “Not that I'm a superhero or anything. Just... yeah,” Xandria trailed off and looked down. 

“Nah,” Wanda said. She linked her arm with Xandria's and tugged until Xandria looked up. “You're just an average hero. You have to blow up a building to be 'super'.”

“I'll get right on that,” Xandria said. She made a face at Wanda and they laughed. Natasha smiled and pushed off from the car. 

“Get in, dorks. We're going shopping.” Natasha slid into the driver's seat and turned the car on. Wanda climbed in the cramped back seat and Xandria took shotgun. The car roared out of the garage and off towards town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! In case anyone is interested in immediate alerts when a new chapter goes up, teasers and occasional spoilers for this work and all my upcoming projects (there are so many you guys, so many), and general Marvel-fan feel, please check me out on Tumblr as BigBandBombshell. I also take requests for one-shots, though it may take me up to a week to get to them (new projects consume a lot of time lol). Things are about to hit full speed, and I can't wait to see what you all think of the next few chapters!


	18. Evolution

“So you're telling me that mutants don't get super kinky with their abilities?” Natasha threw Xandria a skeptical glance as she maneuvered the car around another curve in the mountain.

“None that I knew,” Xandria said with a shrug. She tried to play cool, but her hand clutched the door handle in the shadows of the passenger seat.

“I'm sure some have to,” Wanda's voice came out of the pitch darkness of the back, the sound softened by the mountain of shopping bags piled around her. 

“Well, yeah,” Xandria glanced back in the general direction of Wanda's voice. “But I don't know a single mutant that went around bragging about how they used their abilities to be the new and improved Casanova.”

“I'm pretty sure they just weren't telling you,” Natasha nodded firmly. 

Xandria only smiled and looked out the window. They were whipping around the mountain's curves at a speed she was pretty sure a normal human wouldn't have been able to handle. But, like Steve, Natasha was not a normal human. 

“I still can't believe the nearest town is almost an hour away,” Xandria said. 

“Well, it makes sense,” Wanda said. She leaned forward and her head seemed to float in the darkness. “SHIELD does not exactly make for a good neighbor. Labs get attacked, buildings explode.”

“Aliens invade, artifacts implode,” Natasha added.

“Hulk and Thor get into a fight, robots go rogue,” Xandria said. “You know, I think I see your point.”

Natasha smiled at them and opened her mouth, then shut it with a snap. She frowned and Xandria followed her gaze through the windshield. They had made it back to the base, and the entrance to the garage was lit by multiple flood lights. Two tall, muscled forms paced in front of the entrance, one of them stopping every few strides to stare down the road away from the base. A crew of people spilled out of the garage when Natasha pulled up. Steve stopped pacing, put away his phone and opened Xandria's door while Pietro, the other figure, opened Natasha's. 

“What's going on?” Natasha demanded. She popped her seat forward and stepped aside so Pietro could help his sister out.

“Bucky's had a relapse. He was fine and then he just started screaming and attacked his guards.”

Steve put his hand on Xandria's back and guided her to a nearby bank of elevators.

“Why didn't you call us?” Natasha followed close behind as a crew took over her vehicle. Xandria had a glimpse of Wanda directing the crew as they unloaded the back seat, and then the elevator doors slid closed.

“I was trying to when you pulled up. It just happened.” Steve's voice was hollow. “Maria said he'd been asleep most of the day and then he just -” 

“Son of a _bitch_.” Xandria cut Steve off as her hands balled into fists. Steve and Natasha stared at her. “He wasn't sleeping when I scanned him earlier. He was pulling down that goddamn wall. After I asked him to wait, after he told me he would.”

“You knew this could happen?” Steve turned on Xandria, hands on his hips. Xandria's anger twisted into fear as she looked up into Steve's narrowed eyes.

“Steve, back off,” Natasha put a hand on Steve's shoulder and pushed but he didn't step back.

“You knew he could lose his mind all over again and you didn't warn anyone?” Steve got louder with each word and Xandria flinched.

“Steve, she didn't -”

“This is _Bucky_ we're talking about Natasha.” Steve glared down at his friend, then turned back on Xandria. “You were supposed to be looking out for him!”

“I am looking out for him!” Xandria snapped back, anger burning in her chest. She pushed away from the wall until she was nearly shoulder to chest with Steve. “I warned Fury, I warned Maria. I warned Barnes that he would relapse if the wall came down. I told him to wait and he went ahead without me. You wanna yell at someone, Steve? Yell at Fury for the shit job he was doing before I got here.”

“Shit job? What shit job?” Steve's expression didn't change, but Xandria saw his shoulders pull back. She didn't even think he was aware he'd gone from an attack position to a military one.

“The guards hate him and they hate mutants. More than one thinks it would be easier – be better – just to put a bullet between Barnes' eyes.”

“That can't be right,” Natasha said with a frown. Xandria nodded and shifted her gaze to the other woman.

“Wanda thought it was weird too, but they were projecting that poison clear as day.” Xandria turned back to Steve. “He was drugged night and day, restrained on a prison cot in a bare white room. He hadn't had a conversation or human contact since they brought him in. He was treated like something subhuman, and I chewed Fury out for it in front of everyone.”

“He wouldn't stand for it,” Natasha said. She glanced up at Steve, but his eyes were locked on Xandria.

“He didn't like it, but things changed pretty quick after that,” she replied. The elevator dinged opened behind Steve and three guards motioned for Xandria to join them. 

“You want more details?” She glared up at Steve and watched a touch of shame cross his features. “Go ask Maria how I've been looking out for Barnes.”

She pushed past Steve and Natasha.

“Take me to Barnes,” she said. One of the guards nodded and the group set off down the hall. Xandria had never been to the part of her floor they were walking through and had no idea how far they were from Barnes. She opened her mind to find him and flinched backwards.

“Is something wrong?” One of the guards turned to her and held out a hand, an offer to take her arm and steady her.

“No, not with me.” Xandria shook her head. “I need to get to Barnes and fast.” The guard nodded and the group moved off down the hall at a jog. 

Something like a migraine built behind Xandria's eyes with every step they took towards Barnes' quarters. She squeezed her eyes shut and jogged along with the guards, trying not to throw up. 

The guards slowed, one of them putting a hand on her shoulder to stop her from running into the man in front of her. She opened her eyes as the lead guard keyed open Barnes' door.

“Where the hell have you been?” Maria's voice could barely be heard over the screaming coming from Barnes' apartment.

“Why didn't you call?” Xandria ignored the question and glared at Maria, then ran to the door to Barnes' room. “Let me in,” she told the guard next to it.

“I can't do that ma'am, Fury's orders.” The man glanced at Maria then back to Xandria. She could feel his fear. Of her, of Barnes, and of being in the middle of this fight. He wasn't going to get her inside, so Xandria turned back to Maria.

“I'm his... his therapist,” she insisted. “He trusts me, and right now he needs me.”

“If you go in there, you will die. And I'm not going on a hunch here.” Maria pointed toward Barnes' quarters. “He snapped all of his restraints and killed one of his guards. The other two tried to restrain him, drug him... shit, just to escape. They're still inside.”

“And they're alive?” Xandria crossed the room and scanned the video feed from Barnes' room. 

There was no blood and Xandria was surprised. One guard lay in the spot where her chair normally sat, his neck was twisted at an angle humans can't survive. The other two were huddled in the corner diagonal from Barnes' bed. Xandria could feel their minds and knew they were awake and alive, but they were so still they could have been dead too.

“Alive and terrified,” Maria said. She came to stand next to Xandria and pointed at Barnes' bed. “He's under there.”

“What's his delusion?” Xandria asked, but Maria only shrugged.

“No idea. We took out the audio recording equipment when we made the renovations. Part of the privacy you wanted him to have.” Maria's voice was cold and Xandria grit her teeth before she replied.

“Don't blame me for this. I didn't think he could, or would, bring that wall down by himself.”

“And you were wrong, and now a man is dead.”

“I regret that, and I'm probably going to spend the rest of this evening crying and throwing up. But I need to get in there and help Barnes.”

“Absolutely not,” Maria shook her head. “Either you help him without going in there, or we gas the room with a tranquilizer.”

“You can do that?” Xandria kept her voice flat. The only other option was to shriek the question, and that wasn't likely to help matters.

“Yes, because we planned for a situation like this.”

“Then why didn't you gas him when he first lost control?” Xandria narrowed her eyes at Maria.

“Because it's a last resort. If we gas the room, Barnes stops trusting SHIELD and maybe stops trusting you. And that's not something we need. Not with Steve's sanity and Barnes' intel on the line.”

“That's a load of shit,” Xandria said. “What's the real risk?”

Maria hesitated, then squared her shoulders.

“Given Barnes' sedation history, the changes the serum caused, and the varying strength of a mental state to fight sedation, we wouldn't know how much to use. Too little and he goes berserk in response to the attempt. Too much and we kill him.”

“You guys really need to get a handle on that,” Xandria said. Maria only stared at her.

Xandria looked at Barnes' room. The screaming had stopped, but Barnes' terror was overwhelming. She chewed her lower lip and frowned. 

“Can you do it?” Maria asked. She nodded towards Barnes' room.

“I... I don't know.” Xandria shook her head. “I've never gone into a normal mind without the physical connection. I wouldn't know where -” Xandria stopped and dug into her pocket. 

“Calling Professor Xavier?” Maria asked.

“No, I'm calling Wanda. The professor is too far away to help, but Wanda has gone into minds without touching them, minds that fought invasion.” 

“I don't think that's a good idea.”

“Do you have a better one?” Xandria paused over her phone, her finger hovering over the call button. Maria shook her head. “Then I'm calling Wanda.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to drop a little note saying that I loved the lovely comments on the last chapter. I can't comment back for fear of spoilers at this point, but I wanted to say thank you!


	19. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Violence/Blood/Death warning for this chapter.

“This is a bad idea. Possibly the worst idea I have ever heard.” Pietro stood between his sister and the door to Barnes' room.

“I can handle it, Piet.” Wanda said. Pietro only shook his head.

“You don't know what going in there will do to you. I told you I didn't want you doing this,” he said.

“And I told you that you could come if you wanted, but I was going to help.” Wanda pointed to the empty seat beside Maria at the computer terminal. He glared at his sister and began to mutter in Sokovian, but he sat down.

“Okay, now what?” Wanda turned to Xandria.

“Have a seat,” Xandria said. She motioned at the couch that a couple of guards had brought in from her apartment. Wanda settled onto the center seat and Xandria sat down to her left. Pietro suddenly appeared on the last remaining cushion. His sister glared at him and he shot off a sentence in Sokovian. Wanda sighed and nodded, then turned back to Xandria.

“He wants to stay close until I'm out safe.” She turned slightly towards Pietro as he said something else. “And he says it's much more comfortable over here.”

“Why did he drop into Sokovian?” Xandria asked. 

“It happens a lot when he's agitated,” Wanda said. She patted Xandria's hand and held out one wrist. “You have to sync your breath with mine, right?”

Xandria nodded and put her fingers on Wanda's wrist. Her friend's pulse was fast, but it matched her own.

“It's going to be a nightmare, Wanda.” She gave her friend a stern look but Wanda only waved her free hand.

“I can handle nightmares. I'll get you in and then you lead us to Barnes, right?”

“Right. If you need to back out, you leave me in there. I think I can get out once you show me how to get in.”

“I'm not leaving you in there.” Wanda frowned at Xandria. “Don't tell me to do something like that.”

Xandria wanted to argue, but Maria cleared her throat.

“I hate to interrupt, but you two can work out the ethics later,” she said.

“Right, sorry.” Xandria glanced at Maria, then closed her eyes. Wanda followed her lead and they began to breathe in unison.

 _I've got a line into his mind. You weren't kidding, it's a horror show in there_. Wanda's voice echoed in Xandria's mind.

 _I told you_ , Xandria replied.

Wanda fell silent and Xandria felt a lock forming between their minds. She felt something like motion, and then sounds began to fade in and out of hearing.

 _It's about to get very loud_. Wanda warned her. 

A breath later Xandria's head felt like it was splitting with all the screams, booms, and explosions in Barnes' mind.

 _Your turn_ , Wanda sent her. _I got us in, now you find Barnes_.

Xandria disengaged from Wanda's mind and let her thought-form take shape. A moment later Wanda stood beside her. 

“Now where to?” Wanda yelled over the noise. 

“This way,” Xandria yelled back. She lead Wanda in the direction she felt the least chaos, praying for the best. 

“What is that?' Wanda pointed to something low and sharp rising out of the terrain ahead of them. Xandria's stomach soured.

“It was a shelter,” she said. 

The shelter had been blown apart. The walls were gone and only the strongest memory fragments remained. They still struggled to reconnect and reform the shelter Xandria had fashioned them into, but they only succeeded in forming the broken base of a frame. Xandria gathered them up and looked around. 

“If he's not here, then he has to be back at the wall.” Xandria pointed deeper into the darkness and Wanda nodded grimly.

“When we're out of here,” she said, “you're going to teach me about shelters. Because one of those would be really handy right now.”

“I'm going to set one up before we head deeper,” Xandria said with a nod. “That way we can just plant it when we find Barnes.”

“I'd hurry,” Wanda said. “Because something nasty is getting closer.”

Xandria nodded and dove into her collection of memories. She built a new shelter with the same memories the first one had been made of, and then some. She added the warmth Barnes had revealed before he pushed her from his mind, the conviction she'd felt Steve project when she told him about Fury. The happiness of a day with friends, the dark beauty of secluded mountain roads at night. 

“Xandria...” Wanda's voice was thick with worry.

“One more second,” Xandria murmured.

“Hurry up,” Wanda replied.

She packed in as many memories as she could find, stripped of all their sensory details except what Barnes would need.

“It's ready.” Xandria tuned back in to the chaos around them.

“Good, because Barnes is coming for us.” Wanda pointed in the direction of the wall and Xandria turned.

Light was rolling towards them, but it was the sick green-purple of an old bruise.

“He's not going to hurt us,” Xandria said. “Well, not on purpose.”

Wanda glanced at her but said nothing.

“I'm going to take us in,” Wanda said. She took Xandria's hand and together they sprinted forward. The light grew brighter around them and then, with a jolt that made Xandria gasp, they were inside Barnes' nightmare.

“Jesus.” Wanda released Xandria's hand and turned in a circle. People surrounded them, all of them dead but acting very much alive. Bullet wounds dripped blood and some people were missing limbs, faces, or parts of their torsos. 

“He must see his victims like this,” Xandria said. She saw a few men in Nazi uniforms from World War II and started towards them.

“Where are you going?” Wanda hurried after her. 

“If these are his victims he might be reliving them in order. We get to the oldest bodies, we get to Barnes.”

“Shouldn't all these older kills be locked behind the other walls?” 

“I think you're overestimating the quality of workmanship here,” Xandria shot back.

They wove through the bodies, moving in the same direction they all seemed to be shuffling.

“Has he really killed this many people?” Wanda asked.

“SHIELD could never get a confirmed kill count. Half of his files were burned or scrubbed by Hydra, and Barnes will probably never be able to give us an accurate number.” Xandria replied.

“So, you don't know?” 

Xandria nodded and kept pushing through the crowd of people. Military uniforms became more and more common. Most of them Nazi, some American. A few from countries that Xandria didn't recognize, though she guessed Russian or Italian.

“I think I see him up ahead.” Xandria pointed and began to push through harder.

“Xandria, wait!” Wanda called. She caught up to Xandria and grabbed her hand. They pulled up just short of the edge of the crowd.

“Mother of god,” Xandria breathed. 

The corpses walked up to Barnes one by one, then turned the entry point of their wound towards him. He held an ever-changing weapon in his hands and he brought it to bear at the perfect angle to inflict the same wound the corpse had already suffered.

“Please, no. Run, please run.” Tears streamed down Barnes' face as he struggled to turn the weapon away. His arms strained and Xandria could hear the whir of machinery as his mechanical arm fought against it's own motion.

“Please, run!” He screamed the words, then clenched his teeth. A shot rang out and the body in front of him fell, then vanished. Another came forward to take its place and the cycle began again. Barnes' face was sprayed with blood and gore ran down the small hill on which he stood.

“Sergeant Barnes,” Xandria called. Barnes looked up at her and his face froze, eyes wide.

“I never killed you,” he said, his teeth clenched. “ **I never killed you**.”

“No, you didn't.” Xandria said. She pulled free of Wanda's hand and stepped out of the crowd. Wanda followed close behind and Barnes' eyes locked on her.

“You... I don't remember you,” he muttered.

“You didn't kill her either. She brought me here, to you. So I could help you.” Xandria moved towards Barnes slowly. Another body had taken its place at the end of Barnes' weapon, but for a moment he seemed unaware a new victim waited.

“Help me?” His brow furrowed, then he shook his head. “I'm in hell. You can't help the damned, doc.”

“You're not in hell, Barnes. Not in any real way.” Xandria was at the base of the hill, and she set her face in a neutral mask as she made her way through the gore. Her feet slipped a few times and she found she couldn't shield herself from the sensations. Barnes had made the horror too real.

“I did something I shouldn't have done,” Barnes said. His eyes were locked on Xandria and she tried to keep her gaze on his.

“You brought down the wall, I know.” Xandria was halfway up the hill when the victim at Barnes' feet stirred. He looked down and terror drained all the color from his face.

“Not you,” he said. “Oh god, not you.”

The man wore an American military uniform, though it was more recent than World War II. Xandria couldn't place the decade, but the uniform was old enough that he would have been one of Barnes' first kills under Hydra or Soviet control.

“Please run,” Barnes' chest heaved and a sob muddled the words. “I told you to run!”

His hand shook as his finger moved towards the trigger.

“Sergeant Barnes,” Xandria struggled to hurry up the hill. Her feet slipped and she went down hard, her head slamming into something sharp and solid. She squeezed her eyes shut and pushed back to her feet, the pain feeling more real that it should have.

“Get out of here, doc.” Barnes' voice was strained. “Or I'll hurt you too.

“This isn't real, sergeant. You can't hurt me.” Xandria was three steps away from him. “This is just your mind trying to cope with the new memories you released.” She was two steps away.

“It feels real,” Barnes gasped out. Veins stood in dark relief against his skin and the man at his feet seemed to shift impatiently. 

“I swear to you this is no more real than the memory of the soldier on the bridge,” Xandria said. She crested the hill.

“How can you know?” Barnes' finger twitched against the trigger and his eyes glazed. “No, no not again.”

Xandria lunged for Barnes and they went down against the slick grass as the gun boomed in his hand. It fell from his grip and vanished, and the dead soldier remained kneeling at the top of the hill. Xandria and Barnes slid down the side of the hill and came to rest at the curve of the bottom. The dead shuffled back to make room for their sprawled forms as Wanda ran around to meet them.

“You... you...” Barnes stared up at Xandria as she pushed off him.

“I told you I was going to help you, Sergeant Barnes.” She stood up and held a hand out to him. “There is no gun, not any more. It vanished when I knocked you over, because this _isn't real_.”

Barnes stared up at her, then held out his right hand. Xandria grabbed hold and pulled until they both stood at the base of the hill.

“I don't want to do this any more.” Tears ran down Barnes' face and Xandria nodded. 

“And you don't have to.” She smiled at him and turned to Wanda. “Can you get us out of here?”

“With pleasure,” Wanda replied. She took Xandria's hand and then Xandria turned to Barnes.

“Take my hand, sergeant,” she said softly. Barnes shook his head and rocked back.

“I'll... I'll hurt you,” he said. Xandria released Wanda's hand and stepped towards Barnes.

“I trust you, Sergeant Barnes.” She held out her hand again. He stared at her for a long moment. Then, slowly, he held out his hand. Xandria laced her fingers through his and then took Wanda's hand once more.

“Hold on to him tight,” Wanda cautioned. Xandria felt Barnes' grip on her hand tighten and she smiled back at him.

“It's going to be okay,” she said. The air began to whistle around them and the crowd grew smaller as a sense of motion filled Xandria once more. She could feel the barrier of the nightmare approaching and gripped Barnes' hand even tighter. 

They hit the barrier and for one sickening moment Xandria felt Barnes' hand slipping from hers.

“Stay with me, please,” she yelled. nodded and she felt him squeeze her hand, almost painfully.

“We're almost there!” Wanda called. Xandria felt her friend's will pushing against the nightmare for long, terrifying seconds. And then they were free. Darkness surrounded them and the chaotic noise was a welcome change from the echoing silence of Barnes' nightmare. 

His form had changed when they left the nightmare and Xandria found herself holding the hand of a figure made of shifting colors and faces.

“I think you should set up that shelter now,” Wanda panted. Xandria nodded and released her hand, but kept a firm grip on Barnes. 

“Can that thing pull him back in?” Xandria asked. Wanda looked past her for a moment, then shook her head.

“It's collapsing in on itself, now that he's not inside. He's safe,” she said. She gave Xandria a shaky smile.

“Good,” Xandria replied. She closed her eyes and retrieved the shelter she'd prepared earlier, pushing it from her mind to Barnes'. 

“That is amazing,” Wanda said. Xandria opened her eyes and found that the small building had been improved on with the new memories. It resembled a small cottage, both in size and shape. Barnes tugged on her hand and Xandria led him to the door. He nodded towards it and tugged on her again.

 _You go in first, I'll follow_ , she sent him. He let her go slowly and then pushed into the shelter. Xandria glanced at Wanda, who motioned her forward. They followed Barnes in one at a time.

Xandria found him in the center of the room, curled in on himself. She settled onto the floor beside him and cast her mind against his thought-form. She felt his fear and revulsion first, and his shame underneath that. 

_It's going to be okay_ , she assured him. He responded with a faint pulse of doubt and then she felt his mind go limp.

“We need to get out of here before they do something on the physical plane,” Wanda said. Xandria nodded, but she rose slowly.

“You can check on him after we make sure they don't shoot him,” Wanda crossed the room and took Xandria by the arm.

“You're right, I know. I just,” she cut off and sighed. “Let's get back.”

They left the shelter and, almost as one, returned to their minds. Xandria opened her eyes to find Wanda stirring beside her and Pietro crouched at his sister's feet. He murmured to her in low Sokovian and Xandria turned away, eyes searching. She found Maria where she least wanted to. At the door to Barnes' room.

“Wait,” she called. Maria turned, but she did not stop organizing the entry team.

“You've done your job, Xandria. Now I need to do mine,” she said.

“Let me go in first, please.” Xandria pushed to her feet and swayed. Pietro's hand came up and steadied her. She flashed him a message of thanks and moved towards Maria.

“He might still be dangerous,” Maria said as she shook her head.

“He's not. He was reliving kills he didn't want to make, people he didn't want to murder. He was living through hell, Maria. If you go back in there and he wakes up, he might think he's back in hell.”

Maria hesitated, then stepped aside.

“Commander,” one of the guards began, but Maria shook her head.

“Miss Wesson is right. He's her patient, let her go in first.” Maria signaled to another guard and he unlocked the door.

“Thank you so much, Maria.” Xandria turned towards the door, but Maria caught her arm.

“I'm not trying to be cruel when I say this, but you need to keep your eyes on Barnes. There's still one corpse and two terrified, armed people in that room. This could go bad fast.”

“I.... thank you,” Xandria said. Maria nodded and let her arm go, then signaled the guard to pull the door open.

Xandria hurried inside, her eyes firmly fixed on Barnes. He was still under his bed, but his eyes were closed and his breathing was slower. She knelt down beside the bed and slowly put a hand on his shoulder.

“Sergeant,” she murmured. “Sergeant Barnes, it's... it's your doc.” 

Barnes opened his eyes slowly. He blinked at her and tensed for one long, breathless moment.

“Doc?” He asked. “Is this... is this real?” 

“Yes, sergeant,” Xandria smiled at him and lay down on her side to keep an even gaze on him. “This is very real.”

“Did I hurt someone?” Barnes' voice was hoarse. Xandria hesitated and that was all the answer he needed. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. Tears pooled under his lashes and then ran across his nose and down one cheek.

“You had a bad reaction to taking down the wall,” Xandria said gently. She moved her hand in slow, calming circles against his shoulder. “Two of your guards are fine.”

“But I killed one of them. A man,” Barnes said. “I... I thought he was Hydra, was going to bring me back to them. I snapped his neck.”

“I'm so sorry, sergeant.” Xandria murmured. “I should have been here.”  
Barnes shook his head and opened his eyes. They were bright and for a moment Xandria feared he'd sunk back into his delusion.

“You told me to leave it alone,” he said. “I didn't listen and now a man is dead.”

Xandria pressed her lips together and continued rubbing his shoulder. There was nothing to say.

“Miss Wesson,” Maria's voice came from the doorway. “We need to clear the guards from the room.”

“Will you stay where you are until they're done?” Xandria asked Barnes. He nodded and closed his eyes, face pressed into the arm pillowing his head from the floor. Xandria looked up at Maria over her shoulder.

“You can clear the guards, but I need to stay with him,” she said. Maria nodded, then turned to her team. Xandria turned back to Barnes as the room filled with the sound of thudding boots and the creak of a gurney. 

“Come on, guys,” someone was saying. “It's okay now. The doc calmed him down.”

“He... he just went crazy,” one of the guards from the corner murmured. 

“You would too, seeing what's he's seen.” Pietro's answer came from the door and Xandria rolled to look at him. He and Wanda stood to one side of the open door. She gave Pietro a smile of thanks, then rolled back to Barnes.

“We're going to clear the room now, Miss Wesson,” Maria said. “Can you get him onto his bed and into these new restraints?”

“Yes, I can do that.” Xandria rolled back and pushed off the ground as Maria dropped a pile of restraints and motioned her team from the room. She caught both Wanda and Maria looking at her with concern, but she waved them away. The door closed behind Maria with a heavy thud, and Xandria turned back to the bed.

“You can come out now,” she said. Barnes didn't move and she knelt down to peer under the bed. His eyes were open and he stared at her.

“Are you sure I'm safe?” He asked.

“Nobody's going to hurt you, I promise,” Xandria replied.

“No,” Barnes shook his head. “I meant am I safe for you? Will I snap again and...” he trailed off and swallowed hard. Xandria shook her head and held out her hand.

“I trust you, remember?” Xandria smiled at him. “You're not going to hurt anyone right now.”

Barnes crawled out from under the bed and took her hand. They helped one another to their feet, and then Xandria led him to his bed. He laid down on it and she began to fasten his restraints. 

“Can you sleep with these on?” She asked him, and he nodded. 

“Thank you,” he murmured. Xandria looked up from the buckles in her hands and gave him another smile.

“Get some rest, sergeant,” she said. Barnes nodded, closed his eyes, and curled in on himself. Xandria waited until his breathing had deepened and his body had gone limp before she rose from the floor beside the bed. 

A guard opened the door as she reached it and she nodded at him as she walked past.

“He should rest now,” Xandria said. She rubbed her eyes and tried to shoo away the headache forming behind them. “What's going to happen to him?” 

“What do you mean?” Maria asked. From the sound of her voice, Xandria was pretty sure she had a headache too.

“He killed a guard and traumatized two others. Nobody around here seems to like him much, and I thought -” Xandria cut off as Maria shook her head.

“He's not going to be thrown in the stocks or anything,” she said. “He'll probably be back on meds on days you're not with him and he'll be in increased restraints for a while. But this was... this was nothing like we've seen since you arrived. I can't speak for Fury, but I think it says something that you got him to calm down.” 

Maria looked Xandria over for a moment and leaned forward in her chair, elbows on her knees. 

“Outside the other day, you said you were worried how Natasha and I would treat Barnes after he got out of recovery.” She waited until Xandria nodded before she continued. “I honestly hadn't thought about it because I really didn't think you'd be able to make him anything close to human again.”

“I still don't know if I can,” Xandria muttered miserably. Maria only shook her head.

“You've only been here a week and I think we can all safely say you've done a hell of a good job bringing him back.” She sighed and sat back in her chair. “You said this was unexpected and I believe you. And I think a few other people are starting to,” she motioned around the room. 

“I hope so,” Xandria said. She glanced around, but none of the guards would meet her eyes. They all looked at each other, or down at their boots. She could feel the post-adrenaline exhaustion that ran through all of them.

“Point is,” Maria said. “When you brought it up, I didn't know how I would treat him post-treatment. And I still don't. But after what I saw you do tonight, I'm beginning to think there might actually be a time post-treatment.”

Xandria could only smile at Maria. She searched for words to say, but found nothing. And when Wanda touched her elbow and motioned towards the door, she felt gratitude flood from her to her friend.

“Get some rest, Maria,” Xandria said and Maria nodded.

“You too, Miss Miracle.”


	20. Smoke Screen

Xandria dragged herself down the hall to her apartment door. A gust of wind ruffled her hair and she looked up to see Pietro and Wanda at the elevators. Wanda leaned heavily on her brother, but they both smiled at Xandria when they saw her looking. She returned their smiles, then pushed in the door to her apartment and stepped inside.

“You are an impressive telepath, Miss Wesson.” Fury sat in one of her remaining chairs. Xandria sighed and dropped her keys on the table by the door. 

“I take it you dropped by while I was in Barnes' mind?” She sat down in the other chair and leaned back. 

“Agent Hill kept me updated as you went. I'm surprised you went into his quarters so quickly afterwards,” Fury said.

“I'm not afraid of Barnes, Agent Fury.” Xandria looked him over, then shrugged. “And I'm too tired right now to be afraid of you. Why are you here?”

Fury raised an eyebrow and stared at her. Xandria watched him and waited. 

“You told Captain Rogers about Barnes' conditions,” he finally said. Xandria nodded.

“He needed someone to go after, to vent his anger on. I felt you were a more legitimate target than I was.”

“And you were right,” Fury replied. Xandria tensed and looked Fury over.

“I was right?” She straightened in her chair. His calm unnerved her.

“Yes, you were right. Captain Rogers shouldn't have vented his anger on you. And I did do a – how did it go – 'shit job' before you got here.”

Xandria flushed and pressed her lips together, but said nothing.

“He wanted to know why I was so sloppy. But, unlike you, he assumed there was a larger reason,” Fury said. Xandria opened her mouth, but shut it again when he raised a hand. 

“You don't know me from the next uninterested military officer, so it makes sense you took what you saw at face value. But Rogers knows me and knows how I function. So when he came to me, he asked and I answered. And do you want to know what that answer was?” 

“Yes, actually,” Xandria replied, voice sharp.

“My answer was 'nights like tonight'. I knew there was going to come a time when we were going to come up against Barnes when he was out of his mind. Sooner or later, he was going to snap and we weren't going to be dealing with a person. We were going to be dealing with the trained killing machine, and I needed a preventative measure so we had an option besides putting him down.”

“How does packing his prison with spiteful guards create a fail safe?” Xandria asked.

“Because it created you,” Fury replied. Xandria's frown deepened and Fury went on. “You've been here a week, Miss Wesson. But you are already willing to step into a locked room with the unrestrained Winter Soldier because you trust him. And you trust him because you threw yourself into your work with him.” He trailed off as Xandria scowled at him.

“And you think I threw myself into my work because I wanted to protect Barnes from you. From the guards,” she said. Her fingers dug into the chair's arm rests as her palms grew warm.

“Professor Xavier gave us a full profile on you, at my request,” Fury said. “You're protective as hell, but slow to open up to people. Your behavior here only supports that.”

“Because I became friends with Wanda before the others, because she needed protection,” Xandria said and Fury nodded. “Was she in on this?”

Fury shook his head and Xandria let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

“Nobody else on the team, save Agent Hill, knew what was going on. And she wasn't exactly happy with the idea,” he said. Xandria took some small comfort in that.

“So the guards were plants?” Xandria asked. “They didn't really want to put a bullet in his brain?”

“I'm sure a few people around here do, but none of the people that we put on his team. The ones you encountered are trained projectors we borrowed from the Inhumans' unit.”

“You could have just told me what you needed,” Xandria said.

She stood from her chair and paced the length of the living room, arms crossed over her chest. 

“I needed to be sure. Talking things out doesn't always produce the kind of results we needed.” Fury watched her pace, his face neutral.

“It would have been better than treating Barnes like shit,” Xandria hissed. “No matter how you justify it, you still mistreated him. That was unforgivably cruel.”

“I never said I wanted forgiveness, Miss Wesson.” Fury rose from his seat. “I wanted someone invested in saving James Barnes. And despite what you've learned tonight, I believe you're still that person. Result achieved, means justified.” 

Fury nodded to her and crossed to the door.

“I'm not doing it for you, or for Captain Rogers,” Xandria said and Fury turned back to her. “I'm doing it for Barnes.”

“I don't care if you do it for the magical pixie that lives in your sock drawer,” Fury said. “I just care that it gets done. Good night, Miss Wesson.” 

And then he was gone. Xandria stared at the door, breath heaving. She wasn't tired any more, not remotely. Adrenaline and anger pulsed through her, sparking lines of heat down her limbs. She had to force her jaw to relax and her fingers to uncurl from fists. She counted to ten, then pulled out her phone and text Pietro. He'd responded by the time she'd changed, and she grabbed her keys then headed out the door. Sleep was impossible when she was this angry. She needed to move, to burn off the energy and the heat. Pietro had give her the track's location and she hoped it would be empty this time of night.


	21. Nicknames

Xandria closed her eyes briefly as she entered the treeline at one end of the track. She'd been running for almost an hour, but the line of darkness between the well-lit portion of track behind her and the trees in front of her was still blinding. She should have known that the Avengers' track would be unlike anything she'd used before, given who it was built for. Between the hills and drops, the patches of rough terrain laced through wooded glades and the obstacles spaced around it, it wore her out. Her anger had long since faded to the background. Music pounded in her ears and she kept her stride in time with the beats.

She vaulted over a fallen log, then jumped over a small stream. A clump of boulders blocked her path a dozen feet ahead and she pushed her speed higher. She jumped onto the first one, slid over the second and tallest, then pushed off the low boulder on the far side and almost tripped over her feet as she adjusted to the speed she'd managed to achieve. A grin spread across her face as she ran on and the lights of the open-field track pierced the trees. She hadn't felt this free since she'd left the school.

Something blocked some of the light pouring over the field and Xandria slowed as her grin faded. She pulled her headphones out and moved into the trees on one side of the path.

“Miss Wesson?” Someone stepped onto the path at the edge of the trees. He was broad and taller than anyone Xandria had met, and his mind was like nothing she'd felt before. But with the light coming in behind him, his face as in shadow and she couldn't identify him.

“Please do not be afraid,” the man called out. “I was told I needed to meet you.”

“Thor, you're going to scare the hell out of that poor girl if she has earphones in,” Tony's voice echoed across the field and the figure at the edge of the trees turned. 

“My apologies, Stark. I forget those devices are used here.” Thor walked away from the mouth of the woods and Xandria stepped back on to the path. 

“You guys really didn't need to come,” Steve's voice had joined the conversation.

“I was told she was a gifted woman and wanted to meet her. What did Maria call her?” Thor's voice boomed across the field as he walked away from the trees.

“Miss Miracle,” Steve replied. Xandria rolled her eyes as she stepped back on the path.

“I think Maria wants the name to stick,” Tony said. “It'd be a pretty cool Avenger name, right?”

“I'm not an Avenger,” Xandria said as she stepped out of the tree line. “Not really, in any case.” The men turned her way, muscles tense with surprise. They relaxed when Steve and Tony recognized her.

“I think we should revisit that,” Steve said with a small smile. Xandria could feel the shame peeking out from behind his shields and sighed.

“You don't have to feel bad about earlier, Steve.” She stopped in front of the trio. “You were scared and angry and I was as good a target as any.”

“Spangle-Spanx here doesn't like losing his temper, even if someone deserves it.” Stark hitched a thumb at Steve, then gave him a pointed look. His irritation brushed her mind and she was fairly certain Tony had heard about Fury.

“I hope I did not startle you when you were in the trees,” Thor cut in. He held out a hand and Xandria shook it, though it felt more like shaking a bear's paw than a man's hand.

“I took my headphones out when I saw something block the lights,” Xandria replied. She pointed at the flood lights at the field's edge, then glanced around. “That was one of you guys, right?”

Steve shot a guilty look up at the sky, then shook his head.

“Sam's been up there since Pietro told you where to find the track,” he said. “After your talk with Fury we weren't sure you were okay.”

Xandria rolled her eyes and walked past the men to take a seat on a nearby bench. Her feet had started to ache when she stopped running and sitting down eased some of the pain.

“Word travels fast around here,” she said.

“Only in-team,” Steve replied. 

“At least until I post it to my official SHIELD gossip blog. You can find it under hashtag spyscandals,” Tony said as he sat down beside her.

“Tony,” Steve said with a sigh. Xandria hung her head to hide her smile.

“So if Sam's keeping me safe, what brings you three to the field this time of night?” Xandria looked up when she had her smile under control. “I figured you would be resting up or on a mission.”

“I wanted to come up and apologize for earlier. Maria told me what you did for Bucky, and I... I owe you an apology.” Steve shrugged and looked down.

“I wanted to see Captain Calm eat his words,” Tony replied with a shrug.

“And I wanted to meet the young woman strong enough to step into the mind of a killer like the Winter Soldier,” Thor finished. Steve looked up at him sharply and the god seemed to realize his mistake.

“Apologies, Captain,” he said. “I did not mean to say that your friend is a killer.”

Steve shook his head and clapped a hand on Thor's shoulder.

“Thank you, Thor. But the Winter Soldier isn't my friend. Bucky Barnes is, and Xandria here is doing a good job of bringing him back.”

Xandria smiled up at him, then pushed off from the bench.

“It was sweet of you to have Sam keep an eye on me,” she nodded up once. “And I accept your apology, but only because I know you think you have to give me one.”

“Thank you,” Steve said. His smile relaxed and Xandria turned to Thor.

“It's an honor to meet you, Thor Odinson.” She held out her hand and they shook once more. “I would love to talk with you more, but I think I'm finally ready to turn in for the night.”

“You aren't going to make him actually say 'I'm sorry', are you?” Tony asked glumly from the bench. Xandria looked down at him and rolled her eyes slightly.

“No, Mr. Stark. I am not going to make Captain America actually say the words,” she said. She waited until Stark looked up, then pointed to Steve's face. “I mean look at him. He already looks like a sad puppy!”

“I'm right here, ya know,” Steve said. Xandria almost couldn't hear him over Stark's laughter.

“You're alright, kid.” Stark rose from the bench and clapped a hand on Xandria's shoulder. He wandered off towards the main building and Thor followed close behind.

“A sad puppy?” Steve asked once the other two were out of range.

“It wasn't inaccurate,” Xandria replied as she gathered her things. “I take it you're walking me to the elevators?” Steve nodded and Xandria motioned for him to lead the way.

“I meant what I said, about you joining the team,” Steve said as they neared the building.

“The minute your enemies learn I'm on the team, they'll teach their people to shield their minds and then I'll be useless.” Xandria shook her head.

“You and Wanda could work together. If she can get you into someone's mind you could gather information,” Steve said.

“Until the fighting starts,” Xandria replied. Their elevator came and they stepped inside. “The Avengers is a combat unit, Steve. I'm pretty good at running and I can hold my own in a fight. But all-out combat is a little outside my skill set.”

Steve looked her over for a moment, then sighed.

“Maybe, maybe not,” he said. “I have a strong feeling you'd be useful to the team, in and out of combat.”

“I have no offensive powers,” Xandria insisted. “If I did, don't you think I'd have been with the X-Men?”

Steve frowned, then nodded.

“I assumed you didn't want to join, that you preferred peace,” he said.

“I do,” Xandria replied. “But sometimes peace has to come at a heavy price. And if I could bear that price, I would.” Xandria shrugged, then pushed off from the wall as the elevator opened to her floor.

“Just think about it, okay?” Steve asked. Xandria turned back to face him, then nodded slowly.

“I'll think about it,” she said. “Good night, Steve.”

“Night,” he replied. 

Xandria's apartment was empty this time and she leaned against the wall gratefully. Barnes' mind had been sleeping when she'd scanned it on her way in the door, and she allowed herself to relax. She undressed, ran a bath, and slipped into the water with a sigh. Fury's revelations played in her mind on a loop as she soaked. She didn't want his reasoning to make sense, but it did in a way that made her sick. She was attached to Barnes and it had happened faster than she normally would have let it. But when she thought about the way Barnes had looked at her when she'd knocked him from the hill, and the warmth she'd felt from him before the wall came down, she wanted to hold on to the idea that she would have committed to his treatment with or without being tricked. And it bothered her that she couldn't be sure.


	22. Tunnel Vision

Her feet slipped out from under her. Her head struck something solid and sharp, and noise boomed in her ears. Xandria couldn't see a thing, but she could smell the carnage around her and hear the awful sound of... a cannon? A gunshot? She couldn't be sure and she kept close to the ground just in case. 

_Keep going forward, keep going forward_ , she thought. Her feet slipped out from under her once more and this time she stayed on her knees and crawled forward army-style. The darkness began to lift as she moved further down what she now realized was a passage. She could feel the walls against her elbows as she crawled along, though the darkness was still too thick to make out details. 

Other noises cut into the silence between booms. Whimpers sounded low behind her and the rustling of fabric whispered around her even when she paused in her crawling. She cast her mind back but couldn't feel the people around her. That, more than the darkness, fed the panic growing in her chest. 

Someone nudged at her foot and she began to crawl forward again. Long minutes dragged by as she crawled along, followed by she knew not who. The darkness shifted from pitch black to a streaked grey, and then to a dim hazy kind of light. Earthen walls rose up on either side of her, reinforced with sparse frames. The low ceiling was strung with light ropes, but they hung dead from their hooks. She paused long enough to look back down the passage and the sight froze her. Students crawled behind her, their faces smeared with dirt and blood. 

“Are we almost there, Xandria?” A little girl's voice whispered the words from somewhere down the line.

“I think so. Just hold on, we'll be in the woods soon.” Xandria heard herself reply, though her mouth never opened. Then she was crawling forward again. A light had come into focus further down the tunnel and she picked up her pace. 

“We should go back to the school,” someone else whispered. Xandria shook her head and tried to send a psychic response, but her mind felt constrained and the attempt sent a shock of pain across her skull and between her eyes.

The light source was closer now, and Xandria tried to stand once more. Her feet slipped a little but held her weight, and she pushed up from the floor and held onto the wall, determined to check their exit before the students made it to the mouth of the tunnel. She was two steps from the exit when another boom brought her up short. This time it was definitely a gun shot and it was right outside the tunnel.

“Run,” someone was saying. Their voice was heavy with pain. “Please run. Run as fast as you can.”

“Sergeant?” This time Xandria felt her mouth move. This wasn't right. She was sure Barnes had never been to the school. He hadn't been there the night they'd gone through the tunnel, of that she was absolutely certain. 

But calling out to him seemed to make him appear. He stepped into view, his gun trained on her. A field of bodies stretched out behind him, and Xandria felt a scream of anguish rip from her throat. She saw the professor, Jean, Scott. They were dead, bullet holes marring their skulls. Even Logan lay dead on the ground, though Xandria didn't know of anything that could keep Wolverine dead.

“You should be running.” Tears streamed down Barnes' face as he trained his gun on Xandria. “I don't want to do this any more.”

“Xandria?” One of the children called out from behind her. “Is it okay to run now?”

Xandria nodded, her pulse thick in her throat. Her hands itched and her body felt hot from head to toe.

“Run,” she gasped. “Run back inside, now!” 

“Too late, doc.” Barnes brought his other hand up to the pistol and aimed.

“No,” Xandria said. “Not them, please not them.”

“I warned you,” Barnes said. His finger drew back on the trigger.

“NO!” 

Light burst out of her hands, her feet, her face. Her skin, so hot only seconds ago, felt like ice. The walls shook and dirt rained down into the corridor. Children screamed behind her and a shrill alarm rang through the air. Barnes was gone and Xandria's legs collapsed under her. She fell to her knees, and then the ground dropped out from underneath her as the explosion of light faded into a suffocating darkness. The children's voices faded away and the only sound left was the shrieking alarm. 

_Alarm_. The word swam in Xandria's mind. She cast her mind out and felt nothing again, but the ringing only seemed to get louder. She followed it and found she was no longer falling. The darkness flickered through shades of grey, and the alarm filled her mind. And then she opened her eyes.

Her phone vibrated on the bedside table, lit up with her morning alarm. She was in bed, on the Avengers base. Xandria squeezed her eyes shut and fumbled at her phone until she'd silenced the ringing. Her head pounded and her skin tingled. She sighed and kicked off the blankets, then rolled up to sit on the edge of the bed. It was another long moment before she'd quelled the pain in her head enough to push up to her feet. She padded into her bathroom, but stopped in the door. The chair across from her bed, which normally sat a few inches off the wall, was rocked onto its back legs. The back rest leaned against the wall and the clothes she'd set out on it the night before were in a pile underneath. 

_Just a dream_ , Xandria thought. She gave the chair a rough push and it tipped back onto all four feet. 

“Just a dream,” she repeated the words out loud this time. Something itched at the back of her mind, but she shook her head and scooped the clothes up off the floor. It wasn't until she focused on Barnes' upcoming session that the itch faded from her mind.


	23. Affirmation

“Good morning, Miss Wesson.” The guard inside Barnes' quarters greeted after letting her in.

“Good morning, uh,” Xandria faltered as she looked for a name badge. The man's face was familiar from other visits, but she'd never learned the guards' names.

“Agent Bosco, ma'am. Most of the team just calls me Dirk though,” the guard said.

“Well, good morning then, Dirk.” Xandria smiled and then crossed the room to Maria's desk.

“Morning,” she said. She dropped into the empty chair beside Maria as the other woman turned to look at her.

“You're much more chipper than I thought you'd be, after what happened last night,” Maria said.

“Do you mean the episode with Barnes or my conversation with Fury?” Xandria crossed her ankles and glanced over the monitors. Barnes sat stone still in his bed. His mind still dragged with the effects of the drugs they'd given him the night before, but he was waking up quickly.

“I'm just going to go with yes,” Maria said. Xandria nodded and sat back.

“I was angry at you, if that's what you want to know. You and Fury and the whole damn set up.” Xandria frowned for a minute, then shook her head. “But holding onto that anger was only going to make this whole thing harder. And that's something we definitely don't need. So I've forgiven you, and the guards.” She hesitated a moment. “But I'm going to have to work on forgiving Fury.”

“You are weirdly understanding, you know that?” Maria crossed her arms and smiled. Xandria could feel sadness behind the smile and thought about the guard from the night before.

“You have to be, in my line of work,” Xandria said. She nodded her head back towards Barnes' quarters. “How are the guards doing?”

“The survivors were unharmed, though they've both been given therapy orders and some personal time,” Maria said.

“And the other guy?” Xandria asked. Maria hesitated, then shook her head.

“His family was told he'd died in the line of duty on some spec ops mission,” she answered.

“Was he... did he leave a spouse?” Xandria looked away as she asked.

“No, only parents and siblings,” Maria said. Her voice was flat and Xandria nodded as she looked back to her friend. She could feel Maria's shame at losing an agent, but that was as far as she could read the other woman's emotions. 

“I'll try to make sure it won't happen again,” Xandria said. Maria nodded, then hitched a thumb back towards Barnes' door.

“Then you better get in there, Miss Miracle.”

“Did you tell the team about that name?” Xandria gave Maria a small smile, but the other woman only widened her eyes slightly.

“Oh no, I would never do that. Tony might get it into his head to make the name stick,” Maria said. She turned back to her computer as Xandria stood up.

“Right, it would totally be Tony's idea...” Xandria said. She felt amusement cross Maria's mind and smiled as the guard unlocked Barnes' door.

“Good luck today, ma'am,” the guard said.

“Thank you,” Xandria replied. The guard smiled, stepped out, and closed the door behind her.

“She seemed to like you,” Barnes muttered from his bed.

“The guards in general seem friendlier today, at least with me. How have they treated you?” Xandria dropped into the chair beside Barnes' bed. He was still restrained and she leaned forward to release him, but he jerked back.

“They've been fine,” he muttered. He kept his eyes trained on the wall across the room from him and Xandria frowned.

“Sergeant Barnes, I can't help you if we keep your restraints on,” she said.

“You did it last night. Got in my head from the other side of the door.” Barnes jerked his chin towards the door, then dropped back into his neutral stare.

“I had help last night, remember? Wanda got me in last night, but today it's just you and me. Now can I please get those restraints off you?”

Barnes shook his head and Xandria let out a low sigh.

“I might hurt you, doc. I don't want to do that,” he said. 

The words from her dream finished the sentence in a ghost of his voice - _any more_. A shiver ran down Xandria's spine as she shook her head.

“You're not going to hurt me, sergeant. You're not a killer, not really.”

“Then how do you explain my dead guard?” Barnes finally turned to look at her. His eyes were red and swollen, either from the drugs or from crying. Or, Xandria suspected, from both.

“You thought you were literally in hell, Barnes. You told me you thought that guard was Hydra and that he was going to take you back and wipe you again.” She caught his eye and held it, her face stern. “Do you think I'm Hydra? Do you think I'm going to hurt you?”

“Course not.” Barnes' answer came without hesitation and Xandria smiled.

“Then you have no reason to hurt me. I trust you, Sergeant Barnes,” she said. He looked away, but she pushed off from the chair and moved in front of him, forcing him to look at her. “Do you trust me?”

This time Barnes hesitated, but he eventually nodded.

“Then trust me on this. I'm safe with you,” she said. He didn't argue and Xandria counted to five before she reached for his restraints once more. Barnes tensed as she undid the buckles over his torso and he flinched away when her fingers pushed the straps from his mechanical shoulder, but he let her remove the rig from his chest and arms.

“Now we can go back to helping you,” Xandria said. She sat down in her chair once more and held out one hand. Barnes gave her his wrist, his eyes still focused on the wall ahead of him. Xandria hesitated, then tapped on his wrist. His face snapped to face her and she let a brush of calm compassion touch his mind.

“We don't have to do this if you're not ready,” she said. Barnes shook his head and took a deep breath.

“I need to do this. _We_ need to do this, so I never lose it and... and kill an innocent person again.” He frowned at her and then closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall. “Don't go easy on me doc, I don't deserve it.”

Xandria's heart squeezed painfully. She'd heard those words before, so many times. And they'd never been true.

“You deserve compassion, sergeant. Especially from your doc,” she said. He didn't reply and she settled back in the chair. His breathing dropped into a slow, steady rhythm that she easily matched. 

His thought-form waited for her at the door to the shelter she'd built the night before, and he had changed. The colors moved slower and his face flicked between a few familiar forms: the mask of the Winter Soldier, the confident smirk from his SHIELD file photos, and the lost look she'd found in every photo Hydra had taken during their experiments on him.

 _You've been working on your form_ , she sent him. The figure nodded, then motioned back towards the ruins of the wall.

 _Yes_ , Xandria nodded. _We're going to take down what's left of the wall today. Ripping it out will cause a few loose memories to surface, so be ready for that_.

Panic cut through Barnes' mind as he thought back to the nightmare from the night before. Xandria shook her head and put a hand on either of his shoulders.

 _That was a fluke, a nightmare your mind created to deal with the flood of information. I wouldn't be surprised if it's something Hydra programmed in to make sure you wouldn't go digging around in your own brain_. She countered his panic with her own steady calm and waited for him to settle. Once he did, she released his shoulders.

 _A few memories aren't going to trigger the same thing. At worst we're going to have to relive a few things you don't want to remember just to get the mismatched pieces knocked loose. It's all work we've done before, work you are apparently very good at doing_.

Barnes warmed under the praise and Xandria smiled. 

_That's a better reaction than panic_ , she teased him lightly. His reaction was slow, but when it came it was a faint twinge of amusement followed by mild chagrin.

 _Let's get to work, shall we_? Xandria motioned towards the wall and Barnes nodded, then led the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm sorry I haven't been responding to comments the last week. All my responses would be massive spoilers, so I just don't know what to say! The comments make my day every time they pop up, and it means the world to me that some of you love Xandria as much as you do. Thank you so much for reading the fic, and I promise to keep chapters coming on schedule!


	24. Over Reaching

Xandria led the way to the ruins of the wall. Small pools of the wall's venom riddled the ground as they drew closer, and Xandria led Barnes around them. 

_We'll take care of those later_ , she told him and he nodded.

The pools became larger as they neared the wall. Other bits of rubble lay half-submerged in them and Xandria shook her head. 

_Clean up is going to take a lot of work_. 

Barnes nodded, then grabbed her wrist. She pulled up short and looked back at him. He pointed to something low to the ground a few paces ahead and Xandria followed the gesture. Jagged lumps of black jutted up from the ground. They leaned out in every direction as though blown aside by a terrible force. Xandria glanced back at Barnes but he only shook his head as remorse crossed his mind.

_You are strangely good at this, sergeant_ , she said. _Most normal people struggle with an every day mental wall. You blew apart an engineered barrier_. 

Confusion radiated from Barnes and Xandria motioned to the remnants of the wall.

_You shouldn't have been able to do this much damage on your own. I was too focused on helping you last night to realize how much impact you'd had, but I'm... I'm impressed_.

Again, Barnes' confusion touched her mind, but Xandria hesitated. She thought about Wanda's unguided development and sighed. 

_When we're done today, you and I are going to talk about training your abilities. I think the serum changed your mind more than we previously assumed. I think you've gained some telepathic gifts_.

Shock was Barnes' only reaction. His thought-form wavered as his mind reeled and Xandria glanced around nervously for any sign of a breakdown. None came and Barnes slowly recovered. His thought-form reappeared and Xandria looked him over.

_Are you okay_? She asked. Barnes nodded, then motioned to the wall. Xandria could feel his determination to clean up the mess he'd made the day before. And, under that, an even stronger determination to develop his gifts. 

_Okay then_ , she continued. _Let's start with the spires. They're not memories, not yours at any rate. They're... false constructs. Removing them should be on par with removing the false memory fragments. You just have to concentrate and be ready to keep going if a removal begins to hurt. Because, knowing your former handlers, pain will be there to try and stop you_.

Barnes motioned at the fragments, then shrugged as his confusion touched her.

_I will walk you through the first one. It's going to be awful, and it's going to hurt. I can stay with you after that, support you, but this is something you're going to have to do yourself_.

Xandria felt a twinge of affirmation, then a small sweep of gratitude. She couldn't help but smile.

_Happy to help, sergeant_. She motioned to the remnant of the wall _. You're going to need all your strength and probably most of mine, to get rid of all that_.

Barnes nodded and the small touches of emotion faded. They moved towards the wall together and Barnes approached the largest fragment. He turned to Xandria and held out one hand. She took it and then they put their fee hands against the fragment. 

The sights and sounds of Barnes' mind vanished instantly. They were replaced with an overwhelming sensation of cold breathlessness. Xandria could feel Barnes' hand in hers, but she couldn't see him and her mind found nothing but void in the darkness around her. 

_Sergeant_? She called out for him as she struggled to keep her panic in check. She'd never felt so alone, so cut off.

Barnes tugged on her hand in answer and Xandria felt herself move through the darkness. She grabbed his wrist with her other hand and worked her way up until she felt the solid bulk of his frame at her side.

_The... tank.._. His voice echoed in her mind. She gripped his arm tighter in shock.

_What_? She asked. She'd heard him, she just wanted to see if he could speak to her again.

_We're in... a tank... freeze... sleep... tank_. The words were fainter this time, but no less impressive. Then, through her shock, she processed what he'd said.

_This is what it felt like to be inside a cryotank_? Disgust curled through her words and she felt Barnes' hair brush against her as he nodded. 

_That would make sense_ , she said _. They thought that if you felt the isolation of the tank, you'd leave the wall alone. You wouldn't want to have anything to do with it_.

_Help... out.._. Barnes' voice sounded in her mind again and Xandria patted his arm.

_You can do this, sergeant. All you have to do is think about being free of the tank. Think of how the shelter felt, how your bed in the real world feels. How... how it feels when your restraints are removed or when someone touches you out of kindness_.

She felt Barnes nod again. The darkness around them rippled like the surface of water when something big moves itself down below.

_Keep going, sergeant_. Xandria urged. She felt his arm tense in her hand, veins rising as he strained to free himself of the image. His mind registered against hers for a moment and she cheered him on with brushes of happiness. Sound seeped into the world around them and Xandria felt her lungs loosen. She could hear Barnes' voice he struggled, and she pushed herself up under his arm. 

_You can use my strength if you need to_ , she said. She felt him shake his head, heard a hoarse cry of exertion, and then the darkness around them vanished. It didn't shatter like glass or fall away like the night falls away when the sun rises. It simply vanished and they were once more standing at the ruined wall. Only, this time, there was one less piece of rubble cutting a divide into Barnes' mind.

_Are you ready for the next one_? Xandria asked. Barnes still held her hand tightly in his when he turned to her and nodded. He led her to the next piece of rubble and, again, they lay their hands on it in unison. 

Every fragment locked them in the same cold isolation. Panic spread through her each time regardless of what Xandria told herself before they went in. Barnes broke the constructs apart faster each time, his confidence growing with every fragment they encountered. He seemed ready to go on forever and it was Xandria who called a time out.

_You need a break, sergeant_ , she said. She untangled her fingers from his and stepped back, her footsteps unsteady. He grabbed her arm to steady her and she smiled at him in thanks.

_Out... mind.._. the words slid into her mind and she smiled. His voice was exhausted, but the words were clear.

_I'll meet you out there_ , Xandria said with a nod. Barnes' thought-form flickered, then vanished. A moment later Xandria had traced her way back out of Barnes' mind and into her own.

She felt Barnes' arm slip from her fingers as she opened her eyes. He'd turned on his bed to face her and she smiled at him. He nodded in return, then pointed from his head to hers.

“Can you do more?” He asked. Xandria nodded as she stretched in her chair.

“You needed a break, sergeant. But we can go back in and do more when you're ready,” she said.

“I'm ready now,” he insisted. Xandria frowned at him and shook her head.

“You've done a lot of work today, an impressive amount given the energy you've already put into mental communication. But I know the signs of exhaustion when I see them. You need a longer break than two minutes.”

Barnes shook his head and slid down the bed until he sat on the edge at her side.

“I don't need a break, doc. I feel strong for the first time in a long time. What I really need is to get back in there and get the rest of that shit out of my head.”

His eyes held her gaze until Xandria sighed.

“Fine, fine,” she held up her hands in surrender. “Give me your wrist.”

“Thank you,” Barnes said, and then he smiled. It was the grin from his file, the one Steve had shown her in his memories. It vanished from Barnes' face almost as quickly as it had come on, but Xandria isolated the memory and set it aside. Steve would want to see it again.

She turned the chair to face him as he held out his wrist. Her fingers found his pulse and they closed their eyes. His breathing echoed in the silence of the room and Xandria dropped into the rhythm.

When his mind opened around her, they were both standing back at the wall. Barnes held his hand out to her without a word and then led her to a new fragment. 

_Ready_? He asked her. Xandria looked up at him and paused long enough to scan him. He was certainly exhausted, but his need for freedom registered more clearly than his fatigue. She nodded, and then they dropped into the fragment.

Xandria fought the cold and pressed close to Barnes' side. He was slower to clear the fragment away than he had been before, but Xandria let him go on. They went into one, and then another, and then another. Each time he seemed to waver a moment before clearing it, but the cold always fell away and left them standing back at the wall. 

_One more_ , Barnes said. Xandria looked up and then whipped her head around. The fragment in front of them was the only one she could see. 

_That can't be_ , she thought _. We haven't been at this that long_. 

Xandria dropped Barnes' hand and stepped away as her mind searched for the wall. She sent her senses out over and over again but found nothing. 

_I can't believe this is the last – sergeant, no_! Xandria turned. Barnes was already reaching for the fragment, and he looked up at her as she cried out.

_I can_ \- His thought cut off as his form vanished into the fragment. Xandria lunged towards the fragment and slammed into it, then vanished into the darkness of the tank. 

_Sergeant_ , she called _. Help me find you_!

The silence around her ate her words and she struggled against the sense of restraint. Her hands groped out as she moved in something that felt like a circle, though in the darkness she couldn't be sure. 

_Doc...help.._. 

Xandria spun around and surged forward, towards the source of the voice. 

_I'm here, sergeant. Say something_. She slowed her search, her hands moving methodically. Her pinky brushed something and she turned towards it, but her hands only closed around empty air.

_I'm... here.._. His voice came from the darkness in front of her and Xandria lunged forward. Her hands closed around something colder than the air around them. It pulled itself through her fingers and for one panicked moment she thought she would lose her grip. Then strong metal fingers twined into hers and Barnes' other arm slipped around her waist. She pressed into his side and sent a surge of support through their linked hands. 

_Thank you_ , Barnes said. Xandria felt her support rush through him. A second later the darkness vanished and they collapsed onto the ground.

_Next time, you need to wait for me_ , Xandria scolded. Barnes only nodded and let his head fall back onto the ground. Ripples spread across the terrain around them and Xandria looked around in alarm. But with every small wave, pools of venom faded away and small memory chains corrected themselves, then went off in search of their mates. The chaotic noise dimmed to a low roar and Xandria felt excitement roll off of Barnes.

_Chain reaction_ , he said. Xandria nodded with a smile, then collapsed back onto the ground.

They lay side by side as exhaustion bounced between them. It wasn't until Xandria tried to sit up that she realized their hands were still linked. She freed her fingers from his slowly, afraid he'd interpret the movement wrong if she jerked back. He didn't look up as her fingers slipped free and she gingerly reached out to shake him. His thought-form vanished as she lay her hand on his shoulder, and she sent her mind out. Barnes had fallen asleep. Xandria sighed, then pushed up from the ground. She willed herself back to her own mind and was halfway across when she felt the bridge falter. She glanced down, afraid she'd carried some fragment back with her, but nothing was there.

_Come on, you're stronger than this_ , she urged herself. She gave one more burst of energy and then she fell into her own mind. She kept her eyes closed and her mind still as she rested in its comfortable silence.

_Xandria_? A new voice slid shyly into her mind. _Are you okay_?

It took her a moment to recognize Wanda's voice. Xandria's eyes flew open and she glanced around Barnes' room, but they were alone.

_I'm outside_ , Wanda's reply came through quickly _. Maria was worried about you, so she asked me to reach out_.

_I'll... I'll be out in a minute_. Xandria sent the message back, then sighed and forced her legs to uncross from her seat.

Barnes sat upright on the bed across from her, legs crossed and free hand in his lap. Xandria placed his other wrist in his lap and then tried to lean him back onto the mattress. His eyes snapped open and one hand came up towards her throat, but stopped as his eyes focused on her.

“Lay back and get some rest, okay?” Xandria ignored the hand and continued to guide Barnes back. He lay down as his hand dropped back into his lap, though his eyes stayed on Xandria. 

“I have to restrain you again, but I'll see if they'll hold off on the sedatives,” she said. 

“Thank you, doc,” Barnes said. His eyes began to droop as Xandria reset his restraints. “It's good to have a guardian angel.”

His breath deepened as he dropped off to sleep again, but Xandria stayed next to his bed. She wanted to reach out and brush the hair from his eyes, but she curled her fingers into a fist and forced herself to take a step back. 

_What's wrong_? Wanda's alarmed voice sounded in her head and Xandria spun around to hide her hand from the camera over the door. 

_Nothing, I'm just tired_ , she replied. Wanda's only response was a burst of skepticism and Xandria sighed. 

The guard let her out and gave Xandria a friendly nod.

“Can you hold off on drugging him?” Xandria crossed the room to Maria's desk without waiting to see Barnes' guards settle in.

“Why?” Maria asked. Her arms were crossed over her chest and an odd frown tugged down on the corners of her lips.

“Because he's asleep right now and stabbing him with a needle is just going to wake him up. He needs real sleep, not a drug-induced stupor. Just give him a few hours before you dope him again.”

Maria looked her over for a moment, then nodded slowly.

“He's not the only one who could use some sleep,” she said. Xandria quirked an eyebrow at her and Maria waved a hand towards the wall clock above the computer station.

“It's... it's almost nine?” Xandria's eyes felt heavy as she read the numbers. She glanced at the computer's digital clock. It too read 9:00, though the numbers were followed by the tiny letters “pm”.

“I called Wanda in because you'd been in there all day. You came out some time around noon, but then you two were gone again.” Maria frowned slightly, then uncrossed her arms and leaned back in her chair. “I know Barnes is important, Xandria. But you need to be more careful.”

“I am careful,” Xandria said. She saw Wanda shake her head out of the corner of her eye and turned to her friend.

“I felt you falter on your way back to your own mind,” Wanda said. “Whatever you two were doing in there, you gave him too much of your strength. If that happens and I'm not here, you could get stuck in there.”

“I'm not going to get stuck in someone else's mind, Wanda.” Xandria smiled at her friend, though she wasn't sure she was telling the truth. “Give me a little more credit than that.”

“I give you plenty of credit,” Wanda protested. “But I know what I felt and I know what Hydra took the time to warn me about. If you get stuck and another telepath isn't around to get you out, we could lose you and Barnes.”

Xandria sighed and shook her head, but Wanda pressed at her mind insistently.

“Fine, fine,” she said. “I'll be more careful next time.”

“That's all I ask,” Wanda replied with a smile that was too small to be believable.

“I, for one, am going to ask for something else.” Maria leaned forward in her chair and motioned to Barnes' door. “Don't get overly attached, okay? If we fail and we lose him, it's going to hurt worse if you're attached. And even if we do pull him through...” she trailed off and shrugged.

“I'm not overly attached to Barnes,” Xandria said with a frown. “I'm his doc, his therapist. At most I'm his friend and that's something he really needs right now.”

“Yeah, about that,” Maria said, sarcasm tinting her voice. She made a few keystrokes and a window popped up on her monitor. Xandria watched herself stand beside Barnes' bed and try to guide him back. His hand came up just as she remembered, but the look on her own face was something foreign. It wasn't fear and it wasn't compassion. It was... it was something she couldn't name. Not love, and certainly not friendship. And, whatever it was, she could see traces of it in Barnes' expression when he recognized her.

They watched as she settled him back and Xandria was thankful all over again that they'd removed the audio recorders from the room. 

“Friends don't look at each other like that,” Maria said. She paused the video on a frame that caught Xandria's face as she looked down at Barnes. Xandria recognized it as the moment she'd had the urge to sweep the hair from his face. She couldn't argue with Maria and the realization made her cheeks burn.

“I'm not overly attached,” she insisted. “I... I'm just doing my job.” She looked from Maria to Wanda, but she could see in their faces that they didn't believe her.

“I'm not going to show this to anyone,” Maria said. “But you need to be careful. I don't want to see you get hurt, one way or the other.”

Some strange mixture of guilt, shame, and embarrassment churned Xandria's stomach as she nodded. Maria looked her over once more, then nodded to the door.

“You should go get some rest,” she said.

“I'll walk you home,” Wanda offered.

“I'd appreciate that, thank you.” Xandria gave Maria a thin smile, then let Wanda lead her from the room. She brushed against Barnes' mind to make sure he was still asleep, and then pulled back into herself. The last thing she needed was Wanda to think she was hesitant to leave him.


	25. Chilled

Xandria expected Wanda to continue on to the elevators when they reached her apartment, but her friend stopped beside her.

“I'm coming in,” Wanda said. 

“You don't have to do that,” Xandria replied, but Wanda shook her head.

“I do, and you know it.” Wanda frowned until Xandria sighed, unlocked her door, and motioned Wanda inside.

“I'm okay, I promise,” Xandria said. She saw the couch had been returned at some point during the day and sank down on it gratefully.

“I might not be as well-trained as you are, but I know what bullshit feels like,” Wanda said. She sat on the other end of the couch, kicked her boots off, and curled her feet up under her. “You promised me that you wouldn't let Barnes take too much. Do you remember?”

Xandria's eyes slid away and she shifted uncomfortably. She did remember and it made her cheeks burn all over again.

“He didn't take too much,” she began. Wanda's annoyance brushed against her and she sighed. “I know, I know. He didn't take too much, I gave too much. Same thing, right?” She returned the frown Wanda gave her.

“And it's not going to happen again, right?” Wanda pressed. Xandria shrugged and looked away again. “Xandria, I need you to promise me it's not going to happen again.” 

“Why?” Xandria looked back at Wanda once more. “I know we're friends, but it's not like I've been around all that long. And it's not like you're particularly invested in Barnes' recovery. Why are you so worried?”

“Because you're the only other person I have in this world, after Pietro.” Wanda frowned and her eyes darted around the room. It was her turn to shift uncomfortably. “Maybe I get attached too fast, but I don't want to lose the only friend I have.”

Guilt dominated Xandria. She slid across the couch and hugged Wanda close.

“I'm sorry, Wanda. I should have thought of that.”

“It's okay, I get it. Nothing is normal around here,” Wanda said. She wrapped her hands around Xandria's arm and squeezed, her head against her friend's shoulder. They sat for a moment, then Wanda pulled back. Xandria sat onto the cushion next to her and sighed.

“Nothing is ever normal, not for people like us,” she grumbled.

“It'll get better, right?” Wanda nudged her with one foot. “We have to tell ourselves that it'll get better.”

“I guess,” Xandria mumbled. Wanda's brows drew together and Xandria shook her head, then forced a smile. “I'm sorry Wanda, I'm just a crab right now. I should probably take Maria's advice and get some sleep.”

“Are you sure that's it?” Wanda pressed. Xandria nodded and rose from the couch.

“Tomorrow I'll be right as rain. Just watch,” she said. Wanda hesitated, then rose as well. 

“You should come have dinner with me and Pietro some time,” she said as she pulled her boots back on. “He makes an excellent steak and my potatoes are pretty good apparently.”

“Just pick the date and I'll be there,” Xandria said. They said their goodnights and Wanda let herself out as Xandria undressed for bed. 

She lay in the darkness for an hour, but the silence wouldn't let her sleep. Her skin felt cold, despite the thermostat cranked high and the mound of blankets she'd burrowed into. Without the buzz of another mind nearby, she felt as isolated as she had in the memory of Barnes' cryotank and the thought terrified her. She finally gave in and started a movie on her phone. It was an old one, about goblins and magic, and it was a comfort she'd told herself for years that she was too old for. But in the darkness, alone, she needed the comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I feel a bit silly writing this note, but here we go: I wrote this chapter in November of 2015 and have only made small edits for grammar in the intervening months. The allusion to "Labyrinth" at the end of the chapter was put there initially because it has always been my go-to movie when I feel terrible. I'm in my 20's and it's still the movie I would put on were I feeling alone like Xandria. I wanted to make this clear because, given the recent loss of David Bowie, it feels somewhat awkward to leave it in. I'm simply too attached to the movie (and to Xandria's well-being in a sense), however, to remove it and I hope all you wonderful readers understand. :)


	26. Progress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick apology seems to be in order. It's been a week since my last update and that's about twice as long as I want to keep you lovelies waiting. I injured my dominant shoulder quite severely and am finally well enough to be back at a keyboard. As an apology for my lateness, I'm posting two chapters today. Enjoy!

It took another month and a half to clean up the memories hidden behind the first wall. The late summer had quickly turned to a cold, wet fall as Barnes' treatment progressed. Xandria kept her promise to Wanda and rested her abilities every few days. Her promise to Maria was harder to keep. Barnes had begun to speak more and as he got stronger he regained some of his old charm. They spent her days “off duty” catching him up on media or current events, though mostly they just talked. Xandria had more than a few occasions to be thankful their session recordings didn't have audio.

“Good morning sergeant,” Xandria said. The door closed behind her and Barnes looked up from the book he'd been reading.

“Morning, doc,” he replied. “You ever going to call me by my real name? Or am I just going to be 'sergeant' for the rest of my life?”

Xandria sat on the end of his bed and shrugged.

“That depends,” she said. “Do you remember your real name? Not from a file, but from your own memories.”

Barnes frowned for a moment, then shook his head.

“Fair point. You think it might trip some kind of trigger, using my real name?”

Xandria took a turn to shrug.

“We haven't found anything to suggest it. Then again, we haven't found what triggers your aggression when you hear certain voices either.”

Barnes tensed and Xandria put a hand on his ankle. He took three deep breaths, then slowly loosened his muscles. When he was calm, she pulled her hand back.

“The... the captain,” Barnes began. “Is he really... was he really my best friend?”

“Where did you hear that?” Xandria asked. She'd found traces of Steve in some of Barnes' memories, but they'd been too fragmented to gather much information from.

“I went to the Smithsonian after I ran from Hydra,” Barnes said. “They have a whole huge exhibit on him, on the whole unit. And there's this film in part of it.” Barnes closed his eyes and grimaced, then shook his head slowly. “He said I was his friend, when I was fighting him. But I thought it was some kind of trick, until I saw that museum exhibit.”

“He was very important to you.” Xandria patted his leg gently. “And one day, maybe one day soon, he will be important again. But first we need to find that trigger and -”

“Rip it out,” Barnes growled.

“Something like that,” Xandria replied with a small smile.

“Well then,” Barnes said. “Ladies first.”

He dropped the book and turned so they sat side by side, backs against the wall. Xandria took his wrist in her hand and they dropped into his mind without another word.

 _Sergeant_? Xandria turned in place, searching for his thought-form. 

“Surprise,” a voice behind her made her jump as a hand came down on either shoulder. She screamed, then clamped a hand over her mouth as her eyes found Barnes.

“You... you've changed!” She slipped from one form of speech to another as she looked him over.

“What do you think I do all day after you leave?” Barnes asked. “You showed me how to put together a better avatar, so I worked on it.” He turned slowly and Xandria nodded in appreciation.

“You look very handsome,” she said with a smile.

The shifting colors had slowly stilled over the last few weeks, but the man standing before her now bore almost no resemblance to the form she'd started working with. He was like something out of Barnes' file, from his coiffed hair to his cocky grin to his uniform.

“Your Howling Commandos uniform, eh? Good choice,” Xandria said.

“It's one of the few get-ups I can fully remember. And, well, this just seemed better than...” he trailed off and seemed to blur. A moment later the Winter Soldier stood in front of her, eyes rimmed in black smudges and metal arm gleaming.

“Yeah, I think I prefer Howling Commando Barnes,” Xandria said with a laugh. He blurred again as the blue uniform replaced the black leather.

“So what's on the agenda for today?” Barnes asked. He offered her his elbow and she took it as they moved further into his mind.

“We're going to do one last sweep,” she said. “I have a meeting with Fury tomorrow morning, to discuss bringing down the next wall.” Barnes nodded but said nothing.

Xandria swept her mind out as they walked. She searched for anything out of place in the order they'd created. 

“What's that?” She asked suddenly. She pointed to a dark smudge in the distance and tugged Barnes towards it, but he stopped and held her back.

“That's, uh, that's for me,” he said.

“For you?” She turned to face him and he nodded. “What do you mean it's for you?”

Barnes dropped her arm and shifted uncomfortably.

“You see everything, doc. And there are some things that I want to keep to myself. So I made a... a place to put the stuff I want to keep private.” He avoided her eyes, and Xandria tucked her lip between her teeth.

“I want to respect that, sergeant,” she said. “But if those memories are corrupted or if they hold a trigger -”

“They don't,” Barnes cut in, his eyes locking onto hers. “I've learned a lot from you in the last month and I can promise you that those memories are clean. They're just not things I want to share.”

Xandria hesitated, but after a long pause she nodded.

“If you're sure they can't hurt you, then I promise not to pry,” she said. 

“You're the best, doc.” Barnes gently squeezed her shoulder, his thumb briefly rubbing the curve of her neck. Xandria froze at the contact and Barnes took a step back. 

“Yeah, no problem,” Xandria muttered. They looked at one another through an awkward silence.

“We should finish that patrol,” Barnes finally said. Xandria nodded eagerly and set off in the direction they'd been moving.

“Good idea, sergeant,” she said. Barnes caught up to her, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his trousers.


	27. Risk Assessment

“We need to take down that wall!” Xandria jabbed her finger into the wood of Fury's desk with each word.

“And I'm telling you that this operation is more important than locating more of Barnes' memories,” Fury said. Xandria's mouth dropped open and he held his hands up to ward off the storm he could see building behind her eyes. “Just for the time being, Miss Wesson. Just for the time being.”

“Are you sure the mission can't wait?” Steve asked. He leaned against the bookshelf in the corner, arms crossed over his chest. He always wanted to be present at Barnes' progress meetings, particularly in the days following any new progress Xandria showed him. All the same, he never wanted to be too close when Xandria and Fury were at odds.

“Barnes gave up a base location that we hadn't known about. God only knows what they're doing there and I don't want to give them a chance to keep doing it. We need to move on that base.”

“Then just leave Wanda here,” Xandria said. “The rest of the team can take on the base while Wanda helps me with Barnes. We'll pass along any information -”

“Absolutely not.” Fury shook his head. “The whole team needs to be in on this. If Wanda stays, Pietro stays. If Pietro stays, Barton will whine that he wants to stay. If he whines, Romanov gets irritated. Do you see where I'm going with this?”

“I do, and I still think waiting is a better idea than charging in on this base when there could be more information hidden behind that wall. The base location was a fragment that made it through. We have no idea what the rest of his memories could tell us.” Xandria leaned back in her chair and glanced at Steve for support, but he only shrugged.

“We've done scans and recon. We know all we need to know for the Avengers to go in and take the base apart,” Fury said. His jaw was set and Xandria knew she wasn't going to change his mind

“If something goes wrong on that mission and we lose Wanda or Pietro, Barnes' treatment is going to get a lot harder.” She turned to Steve as she spoke. He frowned at her, then glanced at Fury.

“How much harder?” Steve asked slowly.

“The safest way to tackle the walls in Barnes' mind is to have him isolated in his quarters while Wanda bridges our minds from outside. If we lose Wanda, physically or emotionally, the whole process gets exponentially harder and more dangerous.”

Steve looked over Xandria's head and shrugged at Fury. Xandria turned and watched Fury's face change as he and Steve had some silent debate. The clock on Fury's wall ticked loudly and Xandria counted a full twelve ticks before Fury spoke.

“How long will the process take?” He asked with a sigh. 

“Twelve hours at the outside. Barnes has more control now, so I expect it to go more smoothly than the last wall we took down,” Xandria said.

“I should hope so,” Fury grumbled. Xandria pursed her lips but said nothing. Fury leaned back in his chair and shook his head as his eyes swept from Xandria to Steve and back.

“I have dealt with a lot of people in my time, Miss Wesson. How is it that you're quite possibly the biggest pain in my ass since Tony Stark?”

Xandria stood and shrugged as she gathered her files from Fury's desk.

“Because you put me in charge of Captain America's best fried?” She offered with a smile. Her expression widened into a grin when Fury frowned at her.

“I'm beginning to regret that decision. You have twenty-four hours, Miss Wesson. And then we move on that base.”

“Thank you, sir,” Xandria said. Steve opened Fury's office door for her and then followed her out.

“When are you going to get started?” He asked.

“Right now,” Xandria replied. She tapped away at her phone while Steve handled the elevator. “Maria is preparing Barnes' quarters and Wanda will meet me there.”

She glanced up at Steve and saw a flicker of pain cross his face. His shields had improved too much for her to read his projections, but she could guess the source.

“I know you miss him, Steve. We're going to find the reaction trigger and tear it apart,” she said. She patted his arm and he gave her a thin, lopsided smile.

“You've been saying that for a month. I know it takes time but... this is Bucky, Xandria. He was dead, and then Hydra's weapon. Either way, I had lost my best friend. Now he's here, only a few floor away, and I can't even talk to him.” He shook his head and avoided her eyes, but Xandria moved in front of him until she'd got his attention.

“Hydra put that trigger in so he would hurt you. Don't let them win,” she said. She put a hand on his arm once more. “Barnes wants that trigger ripped out just as much as you do. He knows who you used to be, to a degree. And he misses his friend.”

“He remembers me?” Steve's eyes went wide, and Xandria grimaced as she shook her head.

“Not exactly. He went to the Smithsonian after he escaped Hydra and got the general history from your exhibit. He's got a few memories of you, but he still can't access his life before the Soviets got ahold of him. He can't even tell me his name, unless he recites it from a file.”

“But he saw the exhibit,” Steve said. Xandria nodded and patted his arm.

“We're making great progress, Steve. I've been training him to use his enhanced abilities and his internal view of himself has gotten so much better. Just give it a little more time.”

The elevator dinged and the doors slid open.

“Ready to go, partner?” Wanda asked. Xandria turned and found Wanda leaning against the wall opposite the elevators, Pietro pouting beside her.

“Let me guess,” Xandria said. “You whole-heartedly oppose this idea.”

“Damn right I do.” Pietro glared at Xandria. “You're supposed to be her friend but you keep pulling her into bad situations.

“I'm gonna go,” Steve said quietly. Xandria turned to him and flashed a small smile.

“We'll fix this, Steve. I promise,” she said. The twins began arguing in Sokovian behind her and she sighed. “One way or another, we will fix this.”

Steve gave her a small smile and then let the elevator doors close. Xandria turned back to the twins and let a jolt of agitation brush each of them. They stopped arguing and looked at her, Wanda with a touch of chagrin and Pietro defiantly angry.

“She won't be in any danger, Piet,” Xandria said. “This wall will come down with more control than the last one, and Barnes will be restrained in the other room. I'm not going to make her take a risk she can't afford.”

“What about what I can afford?” Pietro asked. “She's my sister, I worry about her.

“Oh, but you're okay with me running into a fire fight?” Wanda asked, her accent thick with anger.

“Not really, but that's kind of our job,” Pietro shot back. 

“If I may interrupt,” Xandria said quickly. The twins eyed each other warily but fell silent. “Wanda was trained to use her powers as a weapon. And that's something both of you regret.

The twins nodded slowly and Pietro opened his mouth, but Xandria held up a hand to keep them silent as she continued.

“When she helps me bring down the walls in Barnes' mind, she is using her powers to heal, not to hurt. You're going against what you were taught and doing the exact opposite of what Hydra wanted you to do.”

“I hadn't thought of it that way,” Pietro muttered. Wanda gave Xandria a small smile and put her hand on her brother's arm. She said something in Sokovian and Pietro nodded, then hugged her. 

“Alright, fine,” he said as he let his sister go. “Let's get this demolition over with.”


	28. Team Effort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay my lovely readers. Physical therapy on your dominant arm doesn't leave much energy for typing/editing. :(

The guards let Pietro, Wanda, and Xandria in to Barnes' quarters. Pietro zipped to an empty seat on the couch that had been set in the center of the room.

“That's not your couch this time, is it?” Wanda asked. Xandria shook her head.

“Fury had one ordered for the room. For now it's just for our use when we have to do something like this, but the hope is that Barnes can actually, you know, live in these rooms one day,” she said.

“That certainly looks more likely than it used to,” Wanda said. She pointed to the monitors on Maria's desk and Xandria moved in for a closer look. Barnes sat upright in bed, talking to one of his guards as they settled his restraints. His face was a neutral mask, but it was the first time Xandria had seen him talk to someone other than her.

“Does he usually talk to his guards?” She turned to Maria.

“This is a pretty recent development,” she answered. “He still sounds like a robot most of the time, but it's an improvement over stoic silence.”

“That happens when you get your mind back,” Xandria said. Maria nodded, then pointed to a headset microphone on her desk.

“We set up a speaker system so you can talk to him when you can't go in,” she said. 

“Probably a good idea,” Xandria replied as she put the headset on.

“Steve thought so.” Maria smiled up at her, then turned back to the computer.

Xandria crossed the room and sat down beside Wanda, who had once again taken the couch's center seat. 

 

“Can you hear me, sergeant?” Xandria said softly. 

“Loud and clear, doc.” Barnes' voice sounded tinny in her ears, but she smiled all the same.

“Good,” she said. “We're ready to go out here, as soon as your guard clears the room.”

“Good luck, sergeant,” the guard said. Xandria's smile faltered and she glanced at the door to Barnes' room. The guard that stepped out was a pretty young woman.

_Why are you so worried_? Wanda's voice brushed her mind and Xandria shook her head as her eyes dropped to her lap.

_Not worried_ , she answered _. Nothing to worry about. He's just my patient and he's still sick_.

_You know that sounds even more like bullshit when I'm in your mind, right_? Wanda answered. Xandria glanced at her sharply, then held out a hand. Wanda only arched an eyebrow as she handed over her wrist. They relaxed back into the cushions and Xandria took a deep breath.

“We're coming in, sergeant,” she said.

“I'm looking forward to it,” Barnes replied. Xandria felt her cheeks burn for a moment, and then Wanda grabbed hold of her mind.

_Definitely bullshit_ , Wanda grumbled. Xandria didn't bother with a reply.

They materialized just outside the shelter in Barnes' mind.

“That's certainly changed,” Wanda said. She pointed to the shelter, which now resembled an army barrack.

“That's because I put it together,” Barnes' replied. He materialized beside Xandria and Wanda jumped back a step.

“Nice to really meet you, Sergeant Barnes,” she said. Barnes held out a hand and they shook briefly.

“Not what you were expecting?” He asked. Xandria rolled her eyes and elbowed him softly, but Barnes only shrugged.

“Last time I saw you, your form was a bit more... psychedelic,” Wanda replied.

“Doc here told me it was because I didn't know how to see myself,” Barnes said. He shrugged casually, but Xandria could tell that the words made him uncomfortable.

“That makes sense,” Wanda said with a nod. The group stood awkwardly for a moment, each looking at the other two for guidance.

“Why don't we head back to the wall?” Xandria suggested. Wanda and Barnes both shrugged and they turned to walk deeper. Barnes offered his elbow, as always, and Xandria linked her arm through his.

_Bullshit_ , Wanda's voice floated into Xandria's mind. She glanced up at Barnes, but it was clear he hadn't heard. She shot Wanda a hard look, but didn't dare a response. Her mind was linked more closely with Barnes' that Wanda's was and she didn't want him overhearing that particular argument.

“It's just up ahead,” Barnes said. He picked up his pace and the women hurried their strides to keep up. 

“Are you sure you two will be safe when we bring this thing down?” Barnes glanced from Xandria to Wanda.

“You can't hurt our minds, and our bodies are well out of the way in case you have a bad reaction.” Xandria reassured him. She felt his doubt and squeezed his arm. “Trust me, sergeant.”

“I always have, doc,” he said with a smile.

_Yep, verifiably -_ \- Wanda began, but Xandria threw up a quick block to cut her off, then let it drop. Wanda got the hint and didn't bring it back up.

“Let's get started,” Xandria said. “If this is anything like last time, touching the wall is going to plunge us into an enhanced memory of Barnes' time in the cryotanks. The best way I can see to bring it down is if we link hands and Barnes alone touches the wall. Our link to him should keep part of him rooted outside the memory and we can feed him strength so he can break the wall.”

“Are you sure that's going to work?” Wanda asked. Xandria hesitated, then shook her head.

“I've never come up on something like this. Not something whole anyway,” she said. “But it worked for the fragments and I think it'll work for the wall. We should be powerful enough together to take it out.

Barnes nodded quickly, but Wanda hesitated before she held her hand out to Xandria.

“Let's get to it,” Wanda said and Xandria nodded. She looked up at Barnes and he dropped her arm, then held out his hand. They twined their fingers together and Xandria suppressed the heat she felt rising in her cheeks. Wanda's teasing echoed in her memory and when Barnes frowned she thought he might have heard them.

“Are you okay?” He asked and Xandria almost sighed in relief.

“Just nervous. I worry about you,” she replied.

“I'll be fine doc. You've brought me through worse,” he said with a smile. Then he turned away and pressed a hand to the slick black surface of the wall.


	29. Connection

Barnes' form flickered and began to shift through colors once more.

“Is that normal?” Wanda asked and Xandria nodded.

“His self-image falters when he has to go back through old memories. And this isn't a normal memory,” she said.

“Doc,” Barnes' voice was faint. “I think I'm lost, doc.”

“You're not lost,” Xandria squeezed Barnes' hand. “You've got one hand on that wall and one hand in mine, and you're going to bring this awful thing down.”

“I don't know if I can,” he said. His voice seemed to chatter and his skin chilled in her hand. 

“Don't let it break you, sergeant. Remember that it's just a construct, it's not real.”

“If it's not real, none of this is,” Barnes said. Xandria glanced back at Wanda, then sent a surge of warmth down her arm and into Barnes.

“What we've built here is more real than what those monsters built,” she said. “And you know I'm real. And I'm here to help you.”

Xandria felt a pulse of warmth and strength come in from Wanda and she passed it on to Barnes.

“Thank you,” Barnes said. His gratitude swelled around them and Xandria smiled.

“Keep going, sergeant. You're almost there,” she said.

“Do you need more?” Wanda asked, and Xandria shook her head.

“Not yet, I want him to try and do this on his own,” she answered.

“Doc,” Barnes' voice cut in sharply. “Doc, there's something here.”

“Talk to me, Barnes,” Xandria said. “What are you feeling? What are you seeing?”

“I don't... I don't know. I can't figure it. I... shit. Shit, shit, shit.” His panic washed over them and the three of them lurched forward as Barnes began to fall into the wall.

“No!” Xandria screamed. She released Wanda and grabbed hold of Barnes with both hands. “Don't you dare give in, sergeant. Fight it!”

“I can't,” he said. “Let me go, doc. I don't want it to drag you in too.”

“Like hell I will,” Xandria growled. She lurched forward as Barnes slid further into the wall.

“Xandria!” Wanda cried. She lunged forward and wrapped her arms around her friend's waist. Emotions flooded through Xandria and she channeled them into Barnes.

“Come back to me, sergeant,” she begged. 

He didn't respond and she looked back at Wanda.

“Can you let me go but keep a mental tether?” She asked. Wanda hesitated, then nodded.

“It won't be as strong, but I... I think so,” she said.

“Then let me go. And, Wanda?” Xandria caught her friends' eye. “Don't put yourself in danger, okay? If something happens, get out of here.”

“I won't leave you, I told you that,” Wanda protested. 

“I can't lose both of you, okay?” Xandria snapped. “I don't know what's in there, and I think I can help him clear it. But if I can't, I need to know that you got out okay.”

“Xandria,” Wanda began.

“Please?” Xandria's voice pitched up as her panic rose. Wanda nodded quickly, and Xandria gave her a shaky smile. 

“Are you ready?” Xandria asked. Wanda closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. Xandria felt the connection between their minds solidify. Then Wanda opened her eyes, nodded, and let go.

 

Xandria and Barnes fell into the wall.

“Doc?” Barnes' anger flared and Xandria channeled the heat back to him. “I told you to get out of here.”

“And I told you to trust me,” she replied. She pulled him close in the darkness and wrapped both arms around his waist. “I'm here, sergeant. And we're going to get out of here.”

“You should have let me go,” Barnes said. His arms circled her shoulders and Xandria felt him shiver in the cold.

“I never leave a good man behind enemy lines. A friend taught me that,” she said.

“I'm not a good man.” Barnes voice shook and Xandria pulled him closer.

“You are a good man. A good man who was made to do bad things. I know it, and you'll know it too, once we find the memories of who you used to be.”

She felt movement in the darkness and then Barnes' cheek rested on the top of her head. He held it there for a moment, then slid one hand under her chin. The darkness was absolute, but she could have sworn she saw a flash of blue where his eyes would have been.

“You're a good man,” she murmured. She layered every ounce of her conviction into the words and felt a burst of warmth radiate from Barnes.

“Are you sure?” He asked, and Xandria could feel Barnes' need like a snake around his heart. She pressed into him and grabbed two fistfuls of his jacket. Her lips found his cheek in the dark and she felt him turn his head. Their lips met and she poured every happy memory she could think of into the contact. Barnes' mind reeled, but he tightened his arms around her as his lips warmed against hers.

The boom of artillery rattled the world around them. Xandria pulled away from Barnes and looked around, then turned back.

“Keep pushing, sergeant,” she urged. “You're doing it!”

Barnes drew her close and tucked her head under his chin. Xandria could feel Wanda feeding her a steady stream of warmth and strength. She dug deep into her own reserves and added to the sensations before sending all of it through to Barnes. Cracks of light webbed through the darkness and another boom shook the air.

“You can do it,” she urged. “I believe in you.”

He squeezed his arms around her and, with one final shudder, the darkness exploded out around them. Xandria saw a wall of red flare to their right as Wanda's hands flew up to ward off debris. Barnes slumped in her arms and they hit the ground hard, her arms pinned beneath his back. 

“Sergeant?” Her voice was sharp as she pulled herself free. His eyes were closed and the thought-form began to dim under her hands. She shook him as she called out to him again.

“He always was weak,” a new voice cut through the silence that had reigned since the explosion. Xandria looked up and gasped. Steve, in full Captain America glory, stood over them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day (again) to make up for my lateness (again).


	30. Mirage

“Steve?” Xandria turned and rose slowly, her hand trailing on Barnes' jacket as she tried to block him from Steve's view. “How did you get in here?”

“That doesn't matter,” Steve snapped. “I have a mission to finish. Get out of my way.”

“That's not Steve,” Wanda yelled. She sprinted towards them, red energy swirling around either hand. Xandria glanced up at Steve, eyes narrowing.

“I didn't think so,” she growled. She rooted herself between Steve and Barnes' prone form. “What are you? Nothing but a twisted reflection of the real Captain America.”

“Move,” Steve growled. 

“No,” Xandria said. She brought her hands up as Wanda moved in beside her.

“I'm here for the sad little man behind you. Get out of my way and I'll leave you two alone,” Steve took a step towards them. Xandria shook her head and shifted her weight.

“If you want Barnes, you have to go through me.”

“Move, doc,” Barnes' voice was low in her ear. Xandria started in surprise and looked up to find him standing right behind her. His Howling Commando uniform was gone. The Winter Soldier had taken his place.

“You don't have to become their tool, sergeant,” she said. “This must be the trigger, the thing that makes you hate him. If you attack -”

“I never said I was going to attack,” Barnes said. He looked down at her and placed a hand on the small of her back. “Trust me.”

Xandria glanced at Wanda and the other woman gave a small nod. They stepped aside and let Barnes pass between them.

“Nice of you to join the moment,” Steve sneered.

“This isn't you,” Barnes said. Wanda and Xandria glanced at one another sharply. “That wall – memory – whatever it was – it showed me things. Things I know now were lies. You,” he pointed to the man across from him, “are one of those lies.”

Barnes lunged and wrapped his arms around Steve's chest. The men went down with a clang as Steve dropped his shield. It rolled away to land at Xandria's feet. She bent and picked it up, then sprinted towards Barnes.

“You aren't a cruel man,” Barnes had pinned Steve to the ground, though the larger man was slowly gaining his freedom. “You're a skinny kid from Brooklyn too stupid to stay safe when he had the chance.”

“And you were too stupid to die when you were supposed to,” Steve hissed. Barnes faltered and Steve threw him off, then came up one knee and looked around for his shield. “Give it to me,” he hissed when he saw it in Xandria's hands.

“It's not yours,” she snapped back. He lunged for her and she brought the shield around in a hard arc. It cracked into the side of his temple and he staggered back. Barnes pushed to his feet and held out his hands for the shield. Xandria slammed it once into the Steve-image's face, then threw it to Barnes. 

His form changed the moment his hand touched the shield. Blue rippled down from the disk and slid over Barnes until the black of the Winter Soldier had been replaced by the Howling Commando uniform. He looked down at himself, then up into the back of the shield.

“Finish this, sergeant,” Xandria urged. “You're not their tool any more.”

“No,” he said slowly. “I'm not.”

He took three heavy strides to Steve's prone form, and grabbed hold of his hood.

“I am James Buchanan Barnes!” He growled. “And you are **not** Steve Rogers.”

He pulled the hood back and the image of Steve's face vanished. Another man was beneath the mask, a man Xandria didn't recognize. But Barnes' immediate reaction told her all she needed to know. Hate seethed through him and for one moment he raised the shield for a killing blow. Then he looked up and found Xandria watching him. His eyes lingered on her, then slid across to Wanda. He looked back down at the man at his feet, and he let the shield fall to his side.

“You don't belong here,” he said. “Not any more.” He placed both hands on the man's chest and closed his eyes. A mind-rattling thrum filled the air and both women pressed their hands to their ears, teeth clenched. The man shimmered under Barnes' hands, then melted into countless tiny shifting images. Tears streamed down Barnes' face and he grimaced as the thrum grew louder. He gave one final, piercing cry and the images exploded outward. They grew into memory chains, whole and uncorrupted, as tiny fragments of false memory sizzled and curled in on themselves. The chains vanished into Barnes' mind and within moments the three of them were left standing in an empty plane. 

Barnes stayed on his knees, his head hanging as his shoulders shook. Wanda moved to Xandria's side and gently pushed her towards Barnes.

“Sergeant?” Xandria asked softly. She knelt beside Barnes and put a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her, his tears leaving shining tracks down his face. Despite the tears, he smiled at her.

“You did it, doc.” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into him. Off-balance, she fell against his chest, her hands on his shoulders.

“We still have so much work to do,” she cautioned him. “Don't get too excited, sergeant.”

“Not that,” he shook his head. “You found _me_. I know who I am, who Steve is.” He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her, lips trembling. His tears left cool patches on her face when he finally pulled back. “I didn't think we'd ever find it, but we did.”

“Does that mean he's... I mean that you're...” Wanda had wandered closer. Xandria looked up at her and slid off Barnes' lap to kneel beside him. He caught her hand in his and held tight.

“I think she's asking if I can be around people,” he said with a small laugh. Xandria smiled at him, then shrugged up at Wanda.

“I don't know. There's no telling how many more walls, how much more damage could be hidden further in his mind. This could take -”

“The rest of my life, I know.” Barnes rose and pulled her to her feet. “But at least I know my own name. I still can't remember much of my past, other than Steve. But I remember that much and it feels like a miracle.”

“The team does call her Miss Miracle,” Wanda said quickly.

“I wouldn't say that the team calls me that,” Xandria replied. Wanda shrugged and shot her a mischievous grin. 

“Well,” Barnes said, “it's an apt name.”

Xandria looked around and sent her mind scouting ahead. The wall had been obliterated, its venom included. New memories had been released that would need to be cleaned up, but she was sure Barnes could handle it almost entirely on his own.

“I think we're done here,” she said.

“We should head back,” Wanda replied with a nod. She looked Xandria over for a moment and frowned. “You gave too much again.”

“I'll be fine,” Xandria assured her. “I'm just going to need a lot of sleep after this.”

“We should have time,” Wanda said. They made their way back to where they'd come in, Xandria's hand tucked into the crook of Barnes' arm. “We're going after that base in the morning.”

“What base?” Barnes pulled up short and gave Wanda a hard look. She glanced to Xandria, then shrugged lightly.

“The Hydra base you gave us a location for last week. Fury wants us to go take it out,” she said.

“Not the one in the north Arctic?” Barnes' frown deepened.

“I think that's the one,” Wanda said with a shrug.

“You can't go there,” he said sharply. “You have no idea what's waiting there.”

“Then tell us,” Xandria said. Barnes looked down at her and shook his head.

“I don't have the whole picture,” he said slowly. “I only remember bits and pieces, but I know there's something there that you guys should not be messing with.”

“I think the Avengers can handle it,” Wanda said. Barnes shook his head again and released Xandria's hand.

“When you get back, tell Fury I need to talk to him,” he said. He looked from Wanda to Xandria but neither woman responded. “Please, doc. I need to talk to him.”

“I'll see what I can do,” Xandria said slowly. “It would be easier if you could tell me what you do remember, though.”

“I don't know,” he repeated. “It's just a feeling. I know something about that place but I can't remember what it is. All I know is that it makes me uneasy and I don't want anyone dying because I gave you the location.”

Xandria and Wanda glanced at one another, then Xandria nodded.

“I'll let Fury know,” Xandria said. Barnes nodded though his frown stayed in place.

“We should be going,” Wanda said and Xandria nodded.

“Are you feeling alright?” She turned to Barnes.

“Better than I have in a long time,” he said. He gave her a small smile, then glanced at Wanda quickly. “You two should get out of here. And remember to talk to Fury.”

Xandria moved to Wanda's side and took her hand. A moment later Barnes' mind faded and she found herself back in her own mind.

_You two are too close_ , Wanda's voice carried through the darkness.

_It was heat of the moment type stuff_ , Xandria replied _. It doesn't mean anything_.

_He looks at you like Natasha looks at Clint. That means something_.

Xandria shook her head and opened her eyes.

“How did it go?” Maria asked. Xandria smiled over at her.

“He's fine,” she said. “Can I go in and reset his restraints?”

“Yeah,” Maria said. “We were worried there for a little bit. His heart rate was out of control, but it's back to normal now.”

“That must have been when the wall was coming down,” Xandria said. She rose stiffly from the couch and checked the time on her phone. They'd been in Barnes' mind for four hours and that left plenty of time to head off Fury.

A guard let Xandria into Barnes' room and she smiled as he opened his eyes.

“Good to see you in the flesh, doc,” he said with a small smirk

“Don't get cheeky just because you know your name now, sergeant,” Xandria said. She leaned over him and removed the straps that pinned his arms to his side. His hand came up and his fingers closed gently around her wrist as she moved to the next buckle.

“I think you can call me Bucky at this point,” he said softly. Xandria looked up to find an uncertain smile on his lips. 

“If you'd like,” she replied. He tipped his head forward, eyes darting to her lips. She pulled back from him and dropped her eyes to the straps she'd been working on.

“I'm sorry,” he said. “I just thought -”

“Don't apologize,” she cut in quickly. She kept her voice low and shifted so her back blocked his face from the camera. “The people in charge think we're getting too close. I don't know what they would do if they thought there was something between us.”

“Is there?” He asked and Xandria looked up sharply. “Something between us, I mean.”

She started to speak, then cut off the words and shook her head slightly.

“I don't know,” she finally said. Her fingers finished the last of the buckles and she stood up. His fingers fell away from her wrist and he looked up at her with his usual unreadable face.

“I'll talk to Fury, like you asked me to,” she said. “And I'll see about getting rid of these restraints entirely.”

“Will I see you again tomorrow?” Bucky asked. The words were innocent, but she didn't need the brush of emotion he touched her with to read their meaning. 

“I'll be back tomorrow,” she said with a small smile. “We'll see where we go from here.”

Bucky nodded and settled back against the wall. Xandria felt his eyes on her back as the guards let her out. Maria and Wanda sat at the monitor bank, heads close together. They turned to face her when she stepped from Bucky's room and she could tell they'd been watching the video feed closely.

“Xandria,” Maria began.

“I need to talk to Fury,” Xandria interrupted. “Barnes has some more information on that base they're going after and he wants to talk to Fury.”

Maria gave her a hard look and glanced at Wanda.

_We're worried_ , Wanda sent.

_Please don't be. I told you it doesn't mean anything. It'll fade as soon as he gets out into the world, meets more people_.

Wanda glanced at Maria and shook her head slightly.

“I'll call Fury and let him know you're on your way up,” Maria said with a sigh. “Agent Lal will escort you.” She motioned to a guard standing by the front door to the quarters. 

“Thank you, Maria,” Xandria said. 

“This way, Miss Wesson,” Agent Lal stepped forward and Xandria's steps almost faltered. She was the same pretty young woman that had left Bucky's quarters before they'd begun the procedure.

“Thank you, Agent Lal.” Xandria smiled at the woman and prayed nobody noticed her voice had gone tight. 

_You're not that attached to him_ , she reminded herself as she followed Agent Lal to the elevators _. You don't get that attached_.


	31. Progress Report

“You've done really good work with Sergeant Barnes,” Agent Lal said. She leaned against the back wall of the elevator and smiled at Xandria.

“Thank you,” Xandria said. She smiled back and shifted uncomfortably. Something unfamiliar moved in her chest and she repressed the urge to rub at the ache.

“I'm sorry we were so awful about him when you arrived,” Lal continued. “We were told to act like we hated him, so we did.”

“Agent Fury explained everything,” Xandria assured her. “If I'm angry with anyone over the whole thing, it would be him. You just did what you were told was best.”

“Thanks,” Lal said. “I'd hate to have someone as powerful as you mad at me.”

Xandria gave the agent a hollow smile and let her eyes drift to the digital panel on the wall. It slowly counted up to Fury's floor number and she willed it to tick faster.

“I actually think Barnes is kinda cute,” Lal said. Xandria glanced at her sharply and found a slight redness spreading across the bridge of the other woman's nose. She gave Xandria a hesitant smile and the ache in Xandria's chest grew hot.

“I hadn't really thought about it,” Xandria said with a shrug. Lal nodded though Xandria saw her lips quirk slightly. It had been an obvious lie.

“Do you think he'll be well enough to go out soon?” Lal pressed. Xandria couldn't stop the frown that tugged at her lips and Lal cleared her throat. “Not with a person, of course. Just, you know, out of his room.”

Xandria shook her head, both in answer and to clear the light pressure behind her eyes.

“It's too soon to tell. And I'd rather not discuss his progress, I'm sorry.” She smiled to soften the words and Lal nodded.

“No, I understand. You're his therapist, more or less. That comes with certain responsibilities,” Lal shrugged. Xandria brushed against her mind but the woman's shields were too good for her to tell if the words were meant to be as biting as they had felt.

“I'm not a therapist,” Xandria said after a long silence.

The doors slid open and she stepped out, then waved a hand back at Lal.

“I can make my way to Fury's office from here, but thank you.” She gave Lal one last, tight smile then walked to Fury's office. He waited for her behind his desk.

“Maria told me you have information on the base?” He didn't give her a chance to sit down and Xandria leaned against the heavy chair across from him.

“I don't have information,” she said. “Barnes wants to talk to you. He's got a bad feeling, but the reason for the feeling is locked up somewhere deeper in his mind.”

“Is it safe to meet with him?” Fury asked. Xandria thought for a moment, then nodded.

“He's still restrained, so he won't be able to hurt you even if your presence triggered something off in his mind. But I don't think there's anything like that lurking around any more.”

Fury nodded and leaned his chair back, fingers pressed together. His eyes trailed to the wall behind Xandria and she glanced over her shoulder. A portrait hung over the door, half-obscured by shadows thrown from the heavy wooden shelves that covered the wall on either side. The man in the painting, like Fury, wore an eye patch and his salt and pepper hair was cut in a military style.

“You should get some rest,” Fury finally said. “I'll go speak with Barnes and let you know if anything changes.” He rose from his desk and led Xandria to the door.

“There's something else,” she said and he paused. “Well, two things actually.”

“Go on,” Fury said. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against a shelf by the door.

“I think we cleared Barnes' anti-Steve trigger. It's hard to explain, but I think it'd be safe to bring the two together now.”

“That's pretty important,” Fury said with a small frown. “You probably should have led with that.”

“I thought time-sensitive matters should come first,” Xandria replied with a shrug. Fury didn't intimidate her much anymore. “The second point is that I think Barnes should be freed of restraints. He was perfectly fine after our session today and I think he'd be fine to actually, you know, function like a person in his own rooms.”

Fury pursed his lips and gave Xandria a hard look.

“I'll think about it,” he said. “Let's see how this meeting goes and then I'll get back to you.”

Xandria sighed and walked past him out into the hall.

“Fair enough,” she said. Fury called an elevator and they stepped in together. The ride was not a social one, but it was more comfortable than Xandria's ride up with Agent Lal had been.

They reached Bucky's floor and Fury motioned for Xandria to step out first. She kept pace with him as far as her apartment, then stopped.

“Please go easy on him, sir,” she called out as Fury headed down the hall. He stopped and turned back to her.

“I'm not going to interrogate him, Miss Wesson,” he replied.

“I know,” she said. “Just... no mind games. He's doing better, but he's still been through hell.”

“He'll be fine, Miss Wesson. You've done your job, now let me do mine,” he said. Then he turned away and knocked at the door to Bucky's room. Xandria waited until a guard had let him in before she stepped into her own apartment. She didn't bother undressing and dropped into her bed, boots and all. She pulled her quilt up over her and fell into a cold, dark dream.


	32. Litmus Test

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I just wanted to leave a little note thanking everyone for their wonderful comments! We're at a point where pretty much any reply I give would contain spoilers of some kind, but I just wanted to let you all know how much your comments mean to me!

Xandria woke to her phone going off at the same time someone began to pound on her door.

“Hang on!” She yelled through the tent the quilt made over her head. She pushed the blanket off and squinted at her phone. It had only been three hours since she'd laid down. Her skin went cold as her heart squeezed up into her throat. Something must have gone wrong. She unlocked and phone to find a message from Wanda telling her to get out to the track as soon as possible. 

“Xandria?” Pietro's voice was muffled through the door. Xandria sprinted across the room and threw the door open, key in hand.

“I got Wanda's message. Let's go!” She turned towards the elevators but Pietro grabbed her arm. 

“May I?” He motioned to her with his free hand and she nodded quickly. He scooped her up and took off down the hall. A stairwell door seemed to fly open for them and then they were speeding up the stairs.   
The wind rushed out of Xandria's lungs and she pressed her face into Pietro's shoulder to stop her eyes from watering. She kept them squeezed tight shut until the wind stopped whistling in her ears and she felt the cool night air on the back of her neck.

“What the hell is she doing here?” Fury was unmistakably annoyed.

“She needs to be here for this,” Wanda said. Xandria opened her eyes as Pietro set her down and she found Wanda at her side. Her friend's face was defiant in the bright overhead lights and Xandria glanced from her to Fury and back.

“What's going on?” Suspicion gave Xandria's voice an edge to match Fury's.

“She is as feisty as you said, Captain.” A booming voice cut in. Xandria turned to find Thor, Tony, Clint, Natasha, and Steve coming towards them across the grass. Sam made a circle overhead, then landed softly nearby. 

“The team is assembling in case something goes wrong with Barnes,” Fury said.

“Not the whole team,” Tony added, two fingers in the air. “Banner didn't think the other guy would want to sit out any possible fights, and Rhodey had business in Washington.”

“Thank you, Stark.” Fury's voice bit with sarcasm and Tony gave him a thumbs up.

“You can't be serious,” Xandria turned back on Fury. “You're bringing Bucky up here to see if he goes after Steve? We just cleared that trigger a couple of hours ago!”

“Oh ho, so it's 'Bucky' now?” Fury asked. He faked a thoughtful expression, then turned a frown on Wanda. “See, this is why I didn't want her here. We need to see what happens when Miss Miracle isn't around.”

“Don't call me that,” Xandria snapped. Fury looked at her for a moment, then turned away. “This is a terrible idea. People could get hurt,” she moved to follow Fury but Steve caught up to her and grabbed her wrist. She glanced up at him and he gave a small shake of his head.

“This team took out an alien invasion force, multiple Hydra bases, and an android death squad a literal city wide.” Fury called over his shoulder. “They can handle one man that you think should be let out of his restraints and into polite society.”

“I never said -” Xandria began.

“Xandria, please don't fight him on this,” Steve said. She looked up at him once more and his brows drew together. She felt his shields surge as he fought back whatever emotion he was feeling. “I need to see him, to see if he really is back.”

Xandria clenched and unclenched her jaw. Steve squeezed her arm gently and she let her breath out in a rush.

“Fine, I won't fight this,” she said. “Just don't kill him if something goes wrong.” She glanced back at the rest of the team. “I'm talking to everyone.”

They all nodded, though some glanced at Steve before adding their consent.

“He's not a bad person,” Xandria began, but Steve shook his head.

“They know that, Xandria. Trust me, I went over that. But backup is almost always a good idea,” he said. She nodded and he let her arm go.

Wanda came forward and tugged at her arm to pull her way from the center of the field. Pietro moved back with them and the twins stood to either side of Xandria. She brushed each of them with a sense of gratitude and leaned against Wanda.

_It's going to be okay_ , Wanda whispered in her mind as she put an arm around Xandria's shoulders.

_I hope so_ , Xandria replied.

“Agent Hill is on her way with Barnes and his guards now,” Fury called back to the team. He stood in the center of the field, eyes trained on the access road that ran alongside the field. 

The team made a loose semi-circle in front of Steve, though only Thor was tall enough to properly block him from view. Headlights appeared on the service road a moment later. They moved closer and Xandria's stomach seemed to grow uneasier the brighter they got.

“Are you okay?” Pietro glanced down at her and put a hand on her arm.

“I'll be fine,” Xandria said. She gave him a shaky smile then turned back to the approaching vehicle. It came to a halt a dozen feet from Fury. The driver killed the engine and stepped out, though the headlights stayed on.

“Should we bring him around, sir?” Maria's voice cut through the night air. Fury nodded and Maria disappeared around the back of the vehicle. The group waited in silence as the sounds of a door opening drifted across the field. A few thumps and jingles followed, and then a squad of four guards came around the side and into view. Maria was in the lead and she strode towards Fury with a pistol held casually in one hand. Her eyes flicked to Xandria and she gave Fury a questioning look. He shook his head and she glanced at Xandria one more time before she turned to face the group that had come up the field behind her.

Bucky walked slowly across the grass, his guards in a box around him. He jingled as he walked and Xandria narrowed her eyes. Something silver gleamed around his waist and she bit back a gasp. They had restrained him with a classic prison rig. A chain belt circled his waist and his hands were bound in front of him, connected to his waist by another length of chain. A chain ran between his feet and restricted his strides. She ached to go to him and rip the chains off by hand.

_Don't even think about it_ , Wanda sent. Xandria felt her friend's arm tighten around her shoulders as she took a step towards Bucky.

_This is too cruel. You have to see that_ , she pleaded.

_I'm not defending it. But if you want him free of chains for good, you need to let this happen_.

Xandria nodded slowly. She saw Steve glance back at her and gave him an encouraging smile, but it faded the moment he turned around. 

_Please don't hurt him_ , she prayed. She looked back at Bucky and held her breath as his guards came to a stop.

“Are you ready, Sergeant Barnes?” Fury called out.

“Yes, sir,” Bucky called back, his voice strong and sure. Xandria brushed against his mind and let a small breath out when she felt its calm order.

“Team, step forward. Captain Rogers, I think you can come out now.” Fury glanced back at the Avengers but he quickly turned back to Bucky. His hand twitched by his thigh and Xandria saw the gleam of a gun against his fingers. She let out a low groan and Wanda pulled her closer as Pietro's hand tightened on her shoulder.

“Are you ready, Captain?” Thor glanced over his shoulder and Steve nodded.

Natasha and Tony stepped to one side and Steve moved up through the gap. The field fell into a tense stillness as Bucky looked at Steve and Steve looked at Bucky. Even the sounds of breathing had gone quiet.

“That haircut looks terrible,” Bucky finally called out. Xandria brushed his mind and bit off a laugh of relief. Nothing had changed, nothing had been tripped.

“It looks better than yours,” Steve called back. Bucky shrugged and his chains rattled.

“I haven't had anyone complain yet,” he said. Steve laughed and Xandria heard the sob it covered.

“You feeling okay, Buck?” Steve asked. He took another step closer and the guards around Bucky tensed.

“As okay as you can feel in an open field in the middle of the night,” Bucky said with another shrug.

“Fury,” Steve turned towards the agent but kept his eyes on Bucky. “Do you think we could take those chains off him.”

“That depends,” Fury said. He turned around and looked at Xandria. “How is he doing, Miss Wesson?”

Xandria gave Wanda a startled glance, then took a few steps forward.

“He's calm, sir,” she said. “There's no more trigger for Steve to trip.”

Fury waited another moment, then nodded to Hill. His hand remained by his gun, but Maria holstered her weapon and fished a key from her pocket.

“Welcome back to the world, Sergeant Barnes,” she said. Xandria took another few steps onto the field, the Maximoffs close behind. Her heart beat against her ribs and she almost choked on the laugh building in her throat.

“You do good work, Miss Miracle,” Tony said. She gave him a tight smile and he grinned at her.

“She hates that name, you know,” Natasha chimed in. Her stance was relaxed though her arms were folded tight across her chest. She winked at Xandria then went back to watching Maria release Barnes.

“Well we can't all have cool names like Iron Man or... uh.. yeah, just Iron Man,” Tony replied. He threw Xandria another grin then gave a small nod. The helmet of his suit came up and he took off to hover above the field. Sam launched a moment later and they flanked Steve from the air.

“They still don't trust him, do they?” Xandria asked with a glance at Natasha. The other woman shrugged.

“They want to, but we can't all read people's minds,” she replied with a small smile. “Seeing is believing, so don't take it personally.”

“The thought never crossed my mind,” Xandria replied. “I just don't want a twitchy trigger finger to blast Bucky out of existence.”

Natasha gave her a curious look but said nothing. 

“Miss Wesson, are we still in the clear?” Fury called.

“Yes sir,” she replied, her usual disdain buried under relief.

“I'm not going to hurt Steve,” Bucky said. He stepped out from the cage of guards and stopped a few feet short of Steve. “I don't want to hurt innocent people any more.”

“I know, Buck,” Steve said. They waited a moment longer, then Steve closed the gap and threw his arms around Bucky. The team looked away and gave them a moment, though Fury kept a close eye on Barnes.

“It feels good to get put back together,” Bucky said with a small laugh. He tapped the side of his head as he stepped back from Steve. 

“I can't imagine what that feels like,” Steve said. Bucky clapped one hand onto his shoulder and smiled up at his friend.

“We can talk about it later. Doc over there says I'll be putting up with it the rest of my life, so it's going to come up again.”

“PTSD is a bitch,” Sam replied as he set down nearby.

“Buck, this is Sam Wilson,” Steve made the introduction then stepped aside so his two friends could shake hands.

“It's nice to actually meet you,” Bucky said. “I'm sorry about your... ah... wing.” He motioned to the wing pack on Sam's back but Sam just smiled and shook his head.

“I've had a lot of time to process that whole thing. I think we can let that go,” he said with a shrug.

Another awkward silence fell until Fury broke in.

“Sergeant Barnes has some reservations about the mission tomorrow,” he said. “He and Miss Wesson have yet to uncover the exact reason, but Director Coulson is worried.”

“Is the mission off?” Wanda asked. The team closed in around Steve and Bucky as Fury shook his head.

“No, the mission is still a go,” he said. “But we've made a few changes to the roster.” He pointed to Bucky and then to Xandria. “These two are going with you.”

“No,” Steve and Bucky said in unison. They glanced at one another with matching frowns.

“I said I would go, but doc stays here.” Bucky shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Buck isn't ready for combat, not yet,” Steve cut his friend a hard look then went on. “And Xandria is completely unequipped for a mission like this.”

“Director Coulson was very specific,” Fury ignored the protests. “He wants Barnes there because he thinks the sergeant can help diffuse any unforeseen issues. And he wants Miss Wesson to go with him in case the sergeant has a relapse.”

“I won't go if you're making her go,” Bucky nodded to Xandria. His eyes lingered on her and she brushed his mind with a soothing touch.

“You're going, sergeant,” Fury said with a frown. “That part is not negotiable. If you want into SHIELD, if you really want to right those wrongs like you said you do, then you have to go.”

Xandria could feel anger rising off both Steve and Bucky and she could see the irritation growing in Fury's face. She quickly stepped forward and let a wave of calm roll over the three men.

“What if we maintain a recon position?” She offered quickly. All eyes shifted to her and she blushed as she went on. “Bucky was a sniper, so we find a high position out of the way and keep radio contact with the team from there.”

“It's still a risk, doc,” Barnes said as he shook his head.

“It's a risk I am willing to take,” Xandria replied. She looked up at Steve and then at Fury. “Can SHIELD really help him?”

“If he cooperates, yes,” Fury replied. 

“What if he relapses in the field?” Steve turned to her. “Can you handle that”

“Yes, I can.” Xandria's tone was final. Steve frowned but did not argue.

“If something goes wrong, Wanda and I can get back to her fast,” Pietro added. “We'll take an extra jet and rush them back if something goes wrong.”

“How does that sound?” Xandria turned to each man in turn, but her eyes rested the longest on Bucky.

“I don't want you hurt,” he said finally.

“I'll be fine. I've been in worse situations than this.”

Bucky frowned at her then looked at Steve. Steve shrugged and glanced at Xandria.

“Are you sure you can handle this?” He pressed her.

“I wouldn't offer to go if I thought it would do more harm than good,” she replied. 

“Then it seems we have no choice,” Steve said with a sigh.

“Glad you got that worked out,” Fury replied. “You leave at 1800 tomorrow. I suggest you all get some rest.” He turned away and Maria came forward.

“Let's get you back to your rooms, sergeant,” she said. Xandria saw Agent Lal step forward as well, then give Bucky a flirtatious smile. Bucky returned the smile for a moment, then glanced at Xandria.

“Could doc walk me back?” He asked. “The guards are welcome to come if you're worried about me making a getaway.”

“I don't think -” Maria began.

“It's fine, Maria,” Steve said. “I'll go with them to make sure nothing happens.”

“Me too,” Wanda offered. Maria frowned at them, then nodded.

“Be back in ten minutes,” she said. “Or we're sending a team to collect you.”

She went back to the truck, Agent Lal close on her heels. The group waited until they were gone, then turned towards the building.

“Want to drag out your first taste of freedom, eh?” Tony asked from above. He touched down a few feet off, then walked over to the group as his helmet folded away. 

“That's definitely part of it,” Bucky said. He held his elbow out to Xandria, just as he always did during their sessions. She hesitated as a brilliant flush stained her cheeks and moved down her neck. When she finally tucked her hand into his elbow, his arm had a warm solidity to it that their mental projections lacked. Her fingers seemed to tingle against his sleeve.

“Right,” Steve said slowly, his eyes moving from Xandria to Bucky and back. Xandria kept her eyes down and avoided Steve's gaze.

“Your first mission. You must be excited,” Thor said. Xandria looked up when she realized he was talking to her.

“Nervous is probably a better word,” she admitted with a shy smile.

“You'll be fine,” Natasha said. Xandria hesitated then glanced up at her. Natasha was smiling and had let a portion of her shielding slip. Xandria could feel a small press of warning, but it was couched in a warm sense of encouragement. She sent a questioning sensation back but Natasha's guards had already snapped back up.

“Yes,” Bucky added as his elbow tightened around her hand. “She will be.”


	33. Prep Work

The next day dragged by. She stopped by Bucky's room but Fury had ordered him to rest up for the mission and Maria refused to allow a casual visit.

“I warned you, Xandria. You're too close to him.” She hadn't even let Xandria in the door but had met her in the hall instead.

“I don't know what you think is going on, Maria. I just want to help him.”

“Then let him be. Help him and help yourself by taking a step back from this. He seems to be okay, but when he steps out into the wider world this whole thing you two have is going to go up in smoke.”

Hours later Xandria still fumed silently at Maria. She'd scanned Bucky's brain as she stomped away to the elevators and he'd been sleeping. But she still felt the urge to check on him in person and make sure he was okay after the strain of the night before. She'd tried a bath, a nap, and a round at one of the gyms. Nothing had taken her mind off of the impending mission and the tension her connection to Bucky seemed to cause.

Now she stood underneath the shower head in the locker room, letting the warm water loosen muscles that ached after her workout.

“You can't stay in there forever,” Natasha called from outside the stall. Xandria grimaced and shook her head.

“The hot water should hold out for a while yet,” she called back. “I'm not going anywhere until it's pouring ice.”

“That's quite possibly the dumbest coping mechanism I've heard of in a long time,” Natasha's voice grew fainter and Xandria heard the bench outside the showers squeak as the other woman sat down. “And that includes Clint's idea to eat so much pizza that Stark has to call in a haz-mat team.

“The only thing I am coping with is the mass assumption that Bucky and I are... are...” Xandria didn't even know how to end the sentence.

“An item?” Natasha offered. Xandria groaned and turned off the water. She felt around for her robe and towel, then pulled them into the stall with her.

“That's the thing,” Xandria said. “Even if we felt that way about each other – and I'm not saying we do – I wouldn't be stupid enough to think a man deprived of... of company for so long is going to commit to the first person he comes in contact with.”

“Yeah, that's definitely not James' usual style,” Natasha said. Xandria paused in toweling off and glanced at Natasha through the frosted shower door.

“Why aren't you mad at me too?” She asked. “Steve got icy when Bucky offered me his arm last night, Maria wouldn't let me see him today, and Wanda is so worried about it that she followed me home from our session the other night.”

Xandria stepped out of the shower and padded past Natasha to her locker. 

“I know James pretty well,” Natasha shrugged. “I told you we had a past and that past included a lot of alone time. He was the love-em-and-leave-em type back in the 40's and that didn't change when he was with the Soviets. Hydra would only have made it worse. That being said, he's... different... with you.”

Natasha spun on the bench and watched as Xandria pulled out her clothes.

“Not those,” she said suddenly. Xandria arched a brow at her and Natasha pointed to a bag hanging against a nearby locker. “I brought you a uniform.”

“Is it leather?” Xandria asked warily. “With my luck it's probably skin-tight leather with a giant gold 'M' sewn onto the chest.”

“Give me a little more credit than that,” Natasha said, face stiff with mock-offense. Xandria gave her a small smile and unzipped the bag.

“This is ... definitely better than leather,” Xandria said.

“Steve helped a little,” Natasha said. She came up behind Xandria and removed the bag from the uniform. “I think it was his way of making up for being cold last night.”

“Steve helped design this?” Xandria trailed her fingers over the black leggings and dark blue overcoat of the uniform. 

“He worked closely with the show girls before staging that daring rescue for James back in World War Two,” Natasha replied. “He thought you might appreciate some of their style.”

“I certainly do,” Xandria said with a nod. “It – uh – it looks like...”

“Like James' Howling Commando uniform, I know.” Natasha nodded and threw Xandria a smile. “That's intentional. The overcoat was modeled after Wanda's combat uniform, too.”

“Will it keep me warm?” Xandria asked as she pulled the leggings from the hangar. She slipped into them and found they molded to her form perfectly. The top was halter-necked and she slid it over her head. 

“It should be warm enough with the over coat on,” Natasha said. She moved behind Xandria and tightened the laces that ran up the back of the halter and stopped just below Xandria's shoulder blades.

“I can definitely see the show girl influence.” Xandria couldn't help but smile as she stepped into the black and blue pleated skirt. She settled it on her hips and turned to find Natasha holding the jacket over one arm.

“You'll get this once I get all that hair out of the way,” she said.

“I love your short hair, Nat. But you're not chopping mine off,” Xandria took a step back. Natasha rolled her eyes and pointed to a pile of hair pins on the counter that ran along one side of the room.

“I do know how to keep long hair out of the way, you know. Decades as a spy, here.” She motioned Xandria over and waited while her friend settled into a seat at the counter.

They lapsed into silence as Natasha dried and styled Xandria's hair into a tight bun that hugged close to her head. 

“You can do your own makeup,” she teased. Xandria made a face at her in the mirror, then retrieved her makeup bag and set out the supplies she wanted.

“So, about this thing with James,” Natasha began. Xandria paused and gave Natasha a long look in the mirror. The other woman's face was neutral and Xandria hesitantly went back to applying her makeup.

“What about him?” Xandria prompted after a moment.

“I wouldn't worry too much about what others think,” Natasha said. “I get that Wanda's worried and I can see why. But I talked to Steve and he's over his surprise from last night. And if you guys are happy, then just accept that while you've got it.”

“That's just it,” Xandria mumbled. “I don't know if we're even a 'we'. It's not something I really went in thinking about. I had a patient to cure and I threw myself into that. If the patient happens to be ridiculously handsome and seems to like having me around, that's not my fault.”

“You haven't been in a lot of relationships, have you?” Natasha asked suddenly. Xandria ignored her and reached for her eyeliner but Natasha nudged her with the toe of her boot.

“No,” Xandria answered. “It's kind of hard when you grow up with the same people your whole life. Plus, ya know, being psychic kinda puts the fire out pretty fast.”

“I didn't think about that,” Natasha mused. “But you've had partners before?”

“Are you asking me if I've had sex or if I've had a romantic partner?” Xandria finished her makeup and cleaned up, then turned to face Natasha.

“Is 'both' an acceptable answer?” Natasha asked with a shrug.

“The answer is yes to both, but I don't really see why that's important,” Xandria answered.

“Because it explains a few things,” Natasha said. She retrieved a pair of low-heeled black boots from under the bench and sat them beside her, next to the dark blue overcoat she'd pulled from Xandria's uniform.

“What exactly does it explain?” Xandria rolled her eyes as she set the boots on the floor and sat beside Natasha to pull them on.

“Your inability to see that he's drawn to you, for one.” Natasha sat forward and started ticking off fingers. “You don't know how you feel about him, how he feels about you, if his reaction to working with you is normal, why he's so protective...”

“I think you've just about covered it,” Xandria said with a sigh.

“All I'm saying is, don't fight the pull too hard.” Natasha stood and leaned around Xandria to retrieve the coat. “James connected to you for whatever reason. He's been through enough hell that he needs something good in his life. And I get the feeling you do too.”

“I'll keep that in mind,” Xandria grumbled. She took the coat from Natasha and shrugged it on. A row of buttons ran down her chest on either side and she took a moment to fasten all of them. 

“Ready?” Natasha asked. Xandria glanced at her and nodded.

“As ready as I'm going to be,” she said. Then she wavered. “I think I might be sick.”

“Just nerves,” Natasha assured her. “They'll clear up once you hit the ground and the adrenaline kicks in.”

“That doesn't make me feel better,” Xandria said. Natasha just smiled and hustled her out the door.


	34. Airborn

Xandria boarded the jet and took a seat near the back. Bucky sat down across from her as Steve powered up the engine.

“Are you okay?” Bucky asked her. She looked up and nodded quickly. 

“Oh yeah, just peachy,” she answered. 

“You'll do great,” he said. Bucky smiled at her and she managed to tug one corner of her mouth up before she had to look away, feigning interest in the team gathered towards the front of the jet. He rose and crossed the narrow space to sit beside her. “I like the jacket.”

Xandria glanced down and gave a soft laugh, her cheeks hot.

“It was Steve's design, apparently,” she said. Bucky nodded then glanced over her head. His fingers touched her chin a moment later and she looked up at him.

“Did I do something wrong?” He asked. His face and voice were almost cold, but Xandria could feel his hurt and confusion just beneath the surface.

“No, no! God, no,” Xandria said. She sighed and glanced at the rest of the team, but they were huddled over a map towards the front, quietly discussing tactics. Bucky was still looking at her when she turned her eyes back to him. “I tried to come see you this morning and Maria wouldn't let me in. Now that you're functional, they think we're too close. That there's something... unprofessional... going on between us.”

“Do we need to be professional?” Bucky asked. His fingers dropped from her chin and he let his hand rest in the space where their legs pressed together.

“I don't know,” Xandria looked up at him and tried to hide her frown. “I've never been in this situation, Bucky. I worked with the kids that came in to the school, maybe an older teen now and then. Professor Grey or Professor Xavier usually handled the adults.” She sighed and shook her head. “I'm attracted to you, and it's pretty clear that you're attracted to me. But if it's a byproduct of me walking around in your mind for the last month, then there is something incredibly wrong about acting on that attraction.

“It's not because you were in my head, doc. Plenty of people have been in there and I didn't go looking to spend time with any of them,” he said. He smiled at her but she couldn't find the energy to smile back. He looked away for a moment and when he looked back his expression had sobered. “I don't know what I'm doing here either,” he admitted. “I've been with women over the years, but this – this feels different.” Xandria's breath caught as her heart leaped uncomfortably in her chest.

“We're coming up on the target,” Steve called back. Bucky sighed and muttered something under his breath, then squeezed her knee gently.

_You two have terrible timing_ , Wanda sent. Her eyes were focused out the front window of the jet but Xandria could feel her worry. It grated against Xandria's already on-edge nerves.

_I didn't ask for this, Wanda. Can you maybe cut me some slack? I just wanted to do my job_ , Xandria replied. She shut down the link between their minds and a moment later Wanda threw her a startled glance. Another moment later and she made her way back to where Xandria and Bucky sat.

“Can I talk to you?” She asked in a low voice. Her fingers were twitching shapes at her side, despite her calm tone.

“I should go find a good spot for us to hole up,” Bucky offered. He smiled at Wanda and then brushed past her and took her place at the front of the jet.

“You shut me out,” Wanda said as she sat down. She crossed her arms over her chest, hands rubbing absently against the sleeves of her coat. Guilt tugged at Xandria but she pushed it away.

“Because I don't have the energy to keep explaining this,” Xandria snapped. “I can't pull back because I don't know where I'm standing. You want me to back up, Maria wants me to step away, Nat wants me to be happy and Bucky apparently just wants me. I can't do all of those things, Wanda.”

Wanda frowned and looked away, then threw Xandria a cautious glance. Xandria sighed and opened their link once again.

_I'll stop bothering you about it_ , Wanda said _. I want you to be happy, but I don't want you to get lost in Barnes. He's a big story wrapped up in one man. I don't want to lose my only friend_.

_I'm not going anywhere, Wanda_ , Xandria assured her. The jet rocked suddenly and Wanda slammed hard into Xandria's shoulder. 

“We're coming in to land,” Steve called back. 

“I kinda figured,” Xandria replied with a grimace.

“Sorry,” Wanda said quietly and Xandria threw an arm around her shoulders.

“We're past it, okay? Now let's just get this mission over with so we can go have that dinner you've been bugging me to come to.”

Wanda grinned at her and helped her up from the seat. They joined the team behind the rear door of the jet and waited for Steve's signal.

**”We've got you covered when you're ready, Cap.”** Sam's voice came over their ear pieces. Steve glanced back at the team and nodded, then keyed open the rear door of the jet.

“There's a lookout tower in a crumbling part of the base,” Bucky murmured close to her ear. “It's got a good vantage point on the entrances the team is going to use and it is defensible so we should be safe.”

“You lead and I stay close?” Xandria offered and Barnes nodded. A rifle lay across one arm, his other hand on the trigger guard.

“If something happens to me, you get back to the jet. There's a tracker in the pocket of your coat in case you lose your way,” Barnes said.

“I'm not leaving you here,” Xandria said with a frown.

“Sound familiar?” Wanda teased. Xandria brushed her mind with amusement, but kept her eyes on Bucky.

“If it's between me needing an extraction and you needing a funeral, you leave me here.” Bucky's voice was hard, with no room for argument. Xandria hated when people backed her into a corner.

“You're not going to win this one, Miracle,” Steve threw a glance at her and managed a small smile. “That man stayed in a burning building because he was too stubborn to leave a man behind.”

Xandria fell silent as the first few members of the team stepped off the jet. She leaned into Bucky just as he moved to follow.

“I will never leave you alone in the cold.” She followed Steve down the ramp and into the snow before Bucky had a chance to respond.


	35. Wallflowers

_Stay close to Barnes_ , Wanda said.

 _I plan on it_ , Xandria sent back. 

“Tony, Sam, Rhodey – I want you three to stay in the tree line and do aerial recon. Find me a good place to get inside,” Steve said. The three men nodded and took off into the trees. “Wanda, Pietro – you two make a circuit of the base and see what the guard situation looks like. If you find a weak spot, get rid of the guard and radio me.”

The twins nodded and Pietro gathered Wanda up. Xandria gave her friends a small smile before they vanished in a blue and red blur.

“Buck, you and Xandria should get to that tower you located. Nat, Clint – you're both with me. Thor, Banner,Vision – I want you three to hang back. If things go wrong, I want a strong cavalry coming in.” Steve finished giving out his orders and the team fanned out into the snow. 

“This way. Keep to my tracks,” Bucky said in a low voice. He couched the butt of his rifle and moved into the trees. Xandria followed close behind and tried to keep her steps inside his boot prints. 

Complete silence descended as they entered the trees. A recent heavy snow had blanketed the area and the white drifts seemed to absorb every noise they made. Barnes halted a few steps ahead of her and held up one hand. She stopped and cast her mind out, but felt only the animals in the woods around them.

“Feel anything?” Barnes asked.

“Only the little critters,” she replied. Barnes nodded and they moved off into the trees once more. They wound through the close-set trunks until Xandria had completely lost track of the direction they were moving. After several long minutes a high stone wall came into focus between distant trees. 

“Do another scan, but focus on the wall.” Barnes waved her up next to him as they approached the treeline. Xandria did a full-range sweep but only picked up minds on the far fringes.

“It appears to be deserted on this end,” she said. “Not spectacularly secure.”

“They don't have guards on this end,” Barnes said. He adjusted the goggles over his eyes and slowly scanned the area ahead of them. “But that doesn't mean that they don't have security measures.”

He held an arm out and Xandria stopped.

“Stay here,” he said. “There's an alarm system in place a few meters ahead. I'll come back for you when I've cleared it.” Xandria nodded and Barnes moved off into the trees. She shifted her weight from foot to foot to generate some heat, though Natasha had been right when she said the uniform would keep her warm enough. 

_Just checking in_. Wanda's voice made her jump.

 _I'm doing alright_ , Xandria sent back. Wanda fell silent after that and Xandria followed her lead. Psychic etiquette on the battlefield had not been part of her curriculum back at the school. Something broke a branch in the woods to her left and she cast her mind after the sound. She found the mind of a deer and chided herself.

 _Calm down. If you panic you'll blow the mission and this could be important to Bucky's recovery_.

She set her mind to do a continuous sweep. The woods were still for several long minutes and then she felt Bucky approaching. He stepped into sight another minute later, snow dusting his pants from the upper thighs down.

“All clear,” he motioned her forward. “Let's get up to that tower.”

“Lead on, sergeant,” Xandria said. He gave her a brief smile and then guided her through the trees to a small door set into the wall. A hole had been ripped into it and the entire lock mechanism lay in the snow a few feet away.

“Did you do that?” Xandria pointed to the handle as Bucky pushed the door open.

“Yeah,” he replied. “Easier than picking the lock.”

They slipped inside and Bucky secured the door behind them. A steep staircase littered with old leaves and sparse snow rose up on their right and Bucky started up.

“Are the stairs safe?” Xandria asked.

“Should be,” Bucky replied. Xandria hesitated, then followed him up into the darkness overhead. The stairs twisted slowly as the pair climbed and Xandria frowned as her breath came harder and harder. Bucky glanced back at her once but said nothing. Another door stood ajar at the top and Bucky opened it wider with the muzzle of his rifle. 

“Clear,” he murmured. 

The lookout room at the top of the tower was circled by a waist-high wall on three sides and the wall of the stairwell on the fourth. A steeply pitched ceiling protected the room from snow and rain, but the top half of the walls were open to the elements. 

“I'd suggest that corner,” Bucky pointed to the corner behind the door. “The wind won't bother you so much there.” He did a slow scan of the compound, then set his rifle up in the center of one wall.

“Now we just wait?” Xandria asked. She glanced at the corner Barnes had motioned to, then moved to stand beside him at the wall.

“We're remote backup in case something goes wrong,” Bucky replied. “So hopefully we won't have to do anything.”

Xandria nodded and cast her mind out once more. She felt the tingle of a mind rush by and remembered Pietro and Wanda were making rounds of the entire compound. She glanced down to look for them but couldn't find Pietro's signature trail. Everything seemed empty and still.

“Buck, are you and Xandria in position?” Steve's voice came across their ear pieced.

“Just got settled in,” Bucky replied.

“C'mon Steve, it's the lady's first mission,”Tony cut in. “At least use her code name.”

“Please don't,” Xandria said with a grimace.

“Too late, Miss Miracle,” Rhodey joined the conversation.

Xandria sighed and rolled her eyes, then leaned carefully against the wall. Bucky bent over his rifle, eye to the scope.

“So why don't you like the name?” He asked casually. 

“I've never been big into the whole code name thing,” she replied. “I like my name.”

“It is a pretty one.” Bucky's voice was even and he hadn't moved from his scope, but Xandria felt something stir in his mind.

“I recall you saying it was weird, once upon a time,” she replied with a shrug. Bucky snorted a quick laugh and looked up at her.

“I was literally out of my mind and you come in with a name that sounds like it starts with a 'z'. Only names we had like that in my day were things like Zelda or Zachary. Can you blame me?” He went back to his scope as Xandria shrugged.

“These days are 'your days' too, Bucky,” she said.

“That remains to be seen.” The ease had gone out of his voice and Xandria scanned him carefully. 

“I'm okay, doc,” he said. “I just don't know how well I fit into a century I helped shape into utter chaos.”

“I read something about that in your file,” Xandria replied. “Pierce would tell you that, wouldn't he? That you shaped the century?”

“I guess,” Bucky mumbled. He shifted his rifle slightly and Xandria glanced out at the compound though she couldn't see a thing.

“What's up?” She asked.

“Steve, you've got a tail coming at you over the roof,” Bucky called out over the radio.

“I got him,” Steve replied. “Sam, can you come in low and quiet? Take him up and out without alarming the whole base?”

“On my way,” Sam replied. 

“This should be good,” Bucky said. He pulled a pair of binoculars from a pouch on the side of his leg and motioned Xandria over. “Watch through the scope.” He moved out of the way and Xandria took his place behind the rifle as he brought the binoculars up.

Sam swooped down from the clouds like a silver dart. One second a man was settling onto a roof with a sniper rifle and the next he was hauled off up into the clouds. Snow puffed up from a hill a few meters off a moment later.

“You're in the clear, Cap,” Sam called in. Xandria released the rifle and moved to step back, then froze. She shifted the rifle on the ledge and scanned the space between two buildings.

“What is that?” She stepped back from the rifle and motioned Bucky back. He moved up to the scope and frowned.

“That's... uh... that's.... _shit_ ,” he jerked his head away from the scope and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes.

“Bucky?” Xandria tried to pull one hand away from his face as she scanned his mind. Pain scraped against her senses and she drew her mind back.

“Bucky, what happened?” She pressed.

“Headache,” he grunted. “Came on fast. That... that was... something's wrong.” Bucky groaned and pulled his hands away. He blinked into the bright sunlight for a moment, then hissed and pressed his hands to the sides of his head.

“Steve,” Xandria jumped on the radio. “The building Sam just cleared. There's someone in the alley between it and the building to the right.”

“On it,” Natasha replied. 

“Are you okay to stay?” Xandria laid her hands on Bucky's shoulders and tried to soothe the pain from his head. 

“Yeah,” he replied. “I can – ah,” he stopped and shook his head. “I need to get back on the scope.”

He stepped back and blinked hard. She tensed when he returned to the scope but he only shifted the rifle and relaxed against the wall. A second later he tensed again.

“What the hell?” He adjusted the rifle. “Natasha, do you remember those guys we trained with back in Siberia in '72?”

“Yeah, why?” Natasha's voice was sharp over the radio and Xandria frowned.

“Because they're here,” he replied. Natasha didn't reply and Xandria squinted out over the compound, desperate to see what was going on. She grabbed the binoculars Bucky had left on the wall and looked through them in the direction Bucky's rifle pointed. 

Natasha swung up onto a roof and sprinted across it. Someone swung up behind her and gave chase, their shoulders broader than hers by double.

“I could use a little backup,” Natasha called. She turned on her pursuer and landed a blow that knocked him flat onto his back. He was up again a second later and the two moved back and forth across the roof, their footsteps leaving dark patterns in the snow. An alarm sounded over the compound and Xandria heard several people swear into their coms.

“So much for stealth,” Steve grumbled. “Avengers, all in!”

Xandria turned her binoculars back the way Steve's tracks led and watched as Thor and Vision soared towards them over the trees. Her field of vision shook as something rumbled the trees beneath them and the Hulk exploded onto the scene a moment later.

“That's not good,” Bucky said. Xandria glanced down at him and dropped the binoculars to the wall in alarm.

“Bucky, are you okay?” 

His skin was pale and red spots burned on either cheek. When he glanced at her his eyes were fever bright and unfocused.

“Get back to the jet,” he told her. “I remember... remember what's here.” He pushed off from the wall, grabbed his rifle, and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” Xandria demanded. She moved between Bucky and the exit, one hand held out to stop him.

“I'm going to get you back to a jet and get the Maximoffs to fly you home,” he said. He grabbed her arm and pulled her close, then marched her towards the door. She struggled for a moment and pulled her arm free.

“What's here, sergeant?” She pointed back over the base. “You need to tell them what's here and then we can figure out what to do.”

Bucky stared at her then keyed into his radio.

“Steve, we need to fall back,” he said, his words slurring a little. “I know what's here. I'm here... not me... but more like me.”

“More Winter Soldiers?” Clint came on the radio. Bucky shook his head.

“Not exactly like me, but close. We were training them to fight others like us, to fight you.” Anger tinged his voice and Xandria felt a wave of guilt roll over him. “I think this was a trap,” he said.

“Not your fault, Buck,” Steve said with a grunt. A thud came over the radio and then Steve was barking out orders. Xandria tuned them out and tugged Bucky towards the door.

“You can't stay here,” she said. His mind jerked against hers and she felt a dark, familiar grinding coming from deep inside. “We need to get you back to base where I can take care of you.”

“We can't leave,” Bucky said, his voice steadying. Xandria frowned.

“Yes we can, Bucky. They don't own you,” she said. Bucky shook his head and pointed out the open side of one wall.

“No, but they know I'm here. And they're coming for us,” he said. Xandria's eyes widened and she cast her mind out. Two dozen minds moved towards them and determination rang from every one of them.

“They want their asset back,” Bucky said with a grimace.

“They're not going to get you,” Xandria hissed back. “You're the Winter Soldier **and** you're Bucky Barnes, Howling Commando. You can get us out of here.”

She felt Bucky's resolve harden until a fresh wave of pain ripped it apart. He cried out and hit his knees, one hand clapped to the side of his head. His rifle clattered to the floor and he reached for it, only to curl in on himself as the pain intensified.

“Help me,” he gasped. He looked up at her and held out his arm, wrist exposed between jacket and glove. Xandria knelt beside him and searched for his pulse, her fingers shaking.

“We're in trouble,” she called out over the radio. “Something is wrong with Bucky and a team is closing in on us.”

“I'll be there as soon as I can.” Steve's voice came back dimmed by the sounds of a battle raging around him. “Any free team member, report and respond.”

The team checked in one by one, but none could reach them in time. Hydra knew the Avengers were on the base and they weren't going to make it easy for the team to get out alive.

“I'm sorry,” Bucky moaned from the floor. Xandria turned her attention back to him and shushed him softly.

“You've done nothing wrong,” she said.

“They'll kill you,” he said with a grimace. “You broke their... their walls. They'll find out how and then they'll kill you.”

“The team will save us,” she assured him. Her fingers found his pulse and she tried to cross into his mind. But each time she reached him a fresh wave of pain would push her back out.

“Focus on me, Bucky,” she said. “I need you to let me in.”

“I'm trying,” he mumbled. He twisted onto his side and pressed his cheek against her thigh, his breath hissing between his teeth in pain.

A crashing rumble shook the tower and Xandria's head snapped up. She slid Bucky to the side as gently as she could and moved to the wall that gave a view of the door to the tower. It had been blown open and Hydra agents were filing inside.

“Stay behind me,” Bucky groaned. Xandria looked back and saw him push up to his knees, then onto his feet. He swayed here he stood as his hand slipped a long-bladed knife from its sheath on his thigh. Xandria's eyes stopped on a pistol holstered in the small of his back and she moved around behind him.

“You shoot?” He asked as Xandria took the gun and moved back to the wall. 

“Perks of being raised around Logan,” she said. She took aim off the side of the wall and fired two shots. The first missed, but the second caught a man in the shoulder. He went down with a scream as his other hand came up to press against the wound.

“You missed his heart.” Bucky had come to stand beside her.

“I wasn't aiming to kill,” Xandria said. “I just wanted to slow them down.”

Bucky nodded and stared at her for a moment. The Hydra agents' footsteps grew louder on the stairs and they both glanced towards the door. 

“If you can get away, doll, do it,” Bucky said. Xandria frowned at him but he cupped her face in his hands and made her look into his eyes. They were still fever-bright, but adrenaline had focused them to a burning intensity.

“I need to know you're safe. Please,” he insisted. When she didn't answer he brought his lips down against hers and her heart stuttered in her chest. She felt his fear against her mind, his need to keep her safe. And she nodded reluctantly into the kiss. Her free hand tangled in his coat and pulled him closer. Then he drew back, gave her a small smile, and let his hand drop.

They turned to face the door together, Bucky with his knife and Xandria with her pistol. She glanced at him once more and felt anger rise to cover her fear. She might have told him she'd run if given the chance, but Hydra would only get him back over her dead body.


	36. Don't Fear the Reaper

The first Hydra agent came through the door and Bucky lunged. His knife flashed and the man went down in mist of blood, his body limp. Two more agents rushed in and went for Bucky, tasers buzzing in their hands. Xandria fired and took one down with another shoulder shot, but more agents rushed in to take his place. 

“Xandria, run!” Bucky shouted to be heard above the thunder of boots. An agent dove for Xandria and she fired, then dropped the pistol and grabbed two handfuls of the man's uniform. She spun with the force of his movement and sent him flying over the wall behind her. 

The small space was packed with moving bodies and she lost sight of Bucky as two more agents rushed at her. Their tasers hissed and Xandria threw out her arms as they brought the tasers down. The agents' hands glanced off the sleeves of her jacket and she forced them back. Their tasers slammed into the gap between their helmets and their jacket collars, and they fell to the floor. More Hydra agents pressed into the small space.

“Steve, we're losing up here!” Xandria screamed into her mic. Nobody answered and she dropped low to avoid another taser. Hands latched onto her arm and she struggled to pull free. Another set of hands secured her other arm, the fingers like hot irons through her coat. Heat seemed to burn out from her everywhere the Hydra agents laid hands to subdue her. Her ankles, her back, her wrists. 

She looked up and found Bucky on his knees, looking at her. His eyes slipped in and out of focus as bolts of pain burst from his mind.

“Run,” he muttered to her. “I told you to run.”

Heat shot up Xandria's spine, hard and painful. Bucky's words echoed in her mind and her nightmare came back from all those weeks ago. The images played over and over behind her eyes as she started to shake. It began as a jitter in the center of her chest, as if she were cold. But it grew as it spread out and down her limbs. It left fire in its wake and she choked a scream of pain off into a low cry.

“What the fuck?” One agent had Xandria's hand pinned behind her back but she felt his grip loosen as the heat wave rolled down her arm. “This bitch is on fire!”

“Bullshit, it's your adrenaline,” another agent yelled back. “She's just some freak therapist.”

“Fuck. You.” Xandria hissed the words as she squeezed her eyes shut. They felt swollen and she cried out as another wave of fire, hotter than before, rolled out from her core and burned along under her skin.

“Xandria,” Bucky called her name and she looked at him. His eyes widened and Xandria felt a dim sense of his confusion through her pain.

“It'll be okay,” she promised him through gritted teeth. “It'll be -”

An agent knelt beside Bucky and grinned at Xandria. 

“It'll be okay, Soldier. Listen to the pretty freak.” He pulled the cap from a needle and roughly jerked the collar of Bucky's uniform aside.

“Don't touch him,” Xandria hissed. “Don't you fucking **dare**.”

“Or what, mutant? You'll have your other little freak buddies track me down?” The agent paused and leaned forward to grip Xandria's chin roughly. “I'll kill them too.” 

His grin widened as he released her jaw, then punched her hard across the face. She cried out and the agent behind her released her arm as the blow sent her onto her side.

Agony rolled out from her core. The waves came one after the other and she felt her body convulse under the onslaught.

“I think you killed her,” one guard shouted. His voice was faint against the roar in Xandria's head.

“Just a little tap,” the first agent replied. Xandria met Bucky's gaze through the tangle of black clad legs. Everything but his eyes slid out of focus as they looked at one another. The waves of pain had become a constant rolling thrum that made her shiver.

“I'm sorry,” she gasped. The agony knotted into a hard, hot inferno in her chest. She struggled with it, tried to push it in and push it down, but it would not be held back.

She screamed to break the sky. The inferno erupted from her skin. 

And then the world went dark.


	37. Bedside Manner

Pain was the first thing Xandria felt when she woke. Her throat ached and her eyes were almost too dry to open. Every inch of skin felt sunburned and thin. But at least she was alive. She kept her eyes closed and tried to cast her mind out in a sweep. Nothing happened. She felt a knot of panic form in her stomach.

_They've drugged me_ , she thought _. Mutation suppressant. Has to be it._

The panic ebbed a little and she turned to her other senses. The bed was surprisingly comfortable for what she assumed was a Hydra holding cell. And the air around her smelled... familiar. She repressed a frown and slowly brushed her fingers against the blanket under her hands. Small stitches made up swirls and lines and the fabric was soft to the touch. Her fingers traced a familiar pattern in the stitches and she cracked her eyes open. She was covered in the quilt she'd brought to the base from home.

She forced her eyes open and bit off a sigh of relief. Somehow, by some miracle, she was not in a Hydra facility. She was in her room back on base. For one sick moment she thought Hydra might have taken over this base as they had taken over so many other SHIELD facilities. But when she glanced to her right and saw Wanda asleep in a chair next to her bed the fear vanished. A new one crept into its place. She hadn't been able to feel Wanda and SHIELD would have no reason to suppress her powers. 

The realization sent a burst of adrenaline through her system.

“Wanda,” she called. Her voice was hoarse and the word came out as a croak. But it woke Wanda up all the same. She sat up with a start, booted feet dropping from the edge of Xandria's bed.

“Oh thank god you're awake,” she said. She reached out a hand and squeezed Xandria's, then stood and leaned over the bed to hug her. “We've been so worried.”

“How... did we win?” Xandria tried to hug Wanda back, but her limbs were clumsy and Wanda stepped back before she could manage a proper embrace.

“We'll go over that in the debriefing,” Wanda said. She smiled and squeezed Xandria's hand once more. “You stay in bed and I will be right back with the doctors.”

“Doctors?” Xandria tried to shout after her friend but her voice was too hoarse and Wanda was gone too fast. She looked around her room for any clue to how they'd made it out of the mission alive or how long she'd been out. But the only thing out of place was her uniform. It lay on her dresser, laundered and folded neatly. Someone had undressed her and replaced the uniform with a nightgown before putting her to bed.

“We're back,” Wanda called out as she stepped back into the room.

“I'm Fitz, and this is Simmons,” A young man said as he followed Wanda in. A woman came in next with a cart of medical equipment while a second woman flipped on the overhead lights. She looked familiar and Xandria squinted at her until the memory resolved itself.

“You brought Bucky in,” she said hoarsely, nodding her chin to the woman. “You're... you're Agent Johnson.”

“Do I know you?” The woman's voice was distant, but not unkind. Xandria shook her head and sighed.

“I helped put Sergeant Barnes' memories back together,” she explained. “I relived the night you caught him.”

“Huh, that's a little weird,” Agent Johnson said. Simmons gave her a hard look and she shrugged. “I mean, not bad weird. I know a lot of mutants and Inhumans, but none that can relive other people's memories.”

“I trained with Professor Xavier, he has a knack for it.” Xandria said. “Did he send you? Standard doctors usually have a problem with mutant medical care.”

“Afraid not, but no worries. We work closely with the Inhuman team,” Simmons said. “SHIELD doesn't have a mutant specialist on staff yet, so Director Coulson sent us over to examine you.”

“You have to be cleared by someone on SHIELD's medical team before you can return to active duty,” Fitz added. 

“What are you going to do?” Xandria asked.

“We're going to draw some blood and run a few tests. Check your reflexes and so on. Generally clear you to get out of bed,” Simmons answered. She had a kind smile and Xandria couldn't help but smile back. 

“And what are you here to do?” Xandria looked at Agent Johnson. “I'm not going to hurt them.”

“Director Coulson didn't want us to take any chances,” Agent Johnson replied. “I'm in charge of SHIELD's Inhuman team, so he sent me with FitzSimmons to monitor the situation.

“Oh, okay.” Xandria frowned but didn't press the issue.

The tests took almost an hour and Xandria was exhausted by the end. 

“You're fine to get out of bed,” Simmons gave the final verdict. “You can't go in the field again for at least three weeks.”

“What about my telepathy?” Xandria asked. The doctors glanced at each other, then at Agent Johnson.

“What about it?” Johnson asked.

“I can't feel anything,” Xandria said. “I tried to scan the area when I first woke up but I didn't feel anything. Wanda was sitting right next to me. I should have picked her up.” Again the three glanced at one another, then Agent Johnson turned to Wanda.

“Any suggestions?” She asked. “I've never heard of an Inhuman burning out before. Is it a mutant thing?”

“I wouldn't know,” Wanda said with a shrug. “Pietro was the only mutant I knew growing up. Not even our teachers were mutants.”

She sat down on the bed beside Xandria and patted her hand.

“You should call Professor Xavier,” she said. “I'm sure he'll be able to help you understand what happened to your telepathy.” 

Xandria nodded slowly. It wasn't the ideal reason to call home. 

“We'll make a note on your record,” Simmons said. “You'll have to work out the telepathy issues with Professor Xavier before you can be cleared for future Avengers assignments.

“Lucky me,” Xandria grumbled. 

“Well, we'll be off.” Fitz turned the cart around and pushed it towards the door.

“Feel better soon,” Simmons said. She gave Xandria one final smile, then walked out the door. Agent Johnson brought up the rear after a brief wave of farewell.

“Wanda, what happened out there?” Xandria demanded as soon as they were alone.

“I... I can't tell you. I mean, we're not supposed to talk about it until the debriefing.”

“And when is that?” Xandria pushed herself up in bed and grimaced at the pain.

“As soon as you're ready,” Wanda said. “Everyone else has given their report. Fury is just waiting for you to be well enough that you can report on what happened in the tower.”

“Why doesn't he ask Bucky?” Xandria asked, then froze. Memories of the mission were piecing themselves together and she looked up at Wanda, eyes wide. She could barely breathe. “Where's Bucky?”

“He's fine,” Wanda began, but Xandria shook her head and tried to move off the bed.

“He's not fine,” she said. “Something was wrong, that's why the Hydra agents got to us. Something was wrong and I couldn't get past his panic and pain to help him.”

“Xandria, stop.” Wanda's tone dropped to a harsh timbre and Xandria froze. “Barnes is resting in his rooms. He is still torn up from the mission, but there isn't anything you can do to help him right now. If your telepathy is exhausted, then the best thing you can do is give Fury his report and call the professor.”

Xandria wanted to argue, but she knew Wanda was right. She slid off the bed slowly, testing her legs to be sure they'd hold her weight.

“Tell him I'll be ready in half an hour,” she said. Wanda nodded and slid off the bed as well. Xandria made her way into the bathroom and closed the door as Wanda stepped into the living room, cell phone in hand.

_Shower first, information second_ , Xandria thought. She needed to feel more like herself before facing Fury.


	38. The Debriefing

Voices carried in from the living room as Xandria dressed. The shower had helped to clear her head, but without her powers she felt like she'd lost half her hearing. Her mind should have buzzed with the proximity of her team, but there was nothing. The silence frightened her.

“Ah, Miss Wesson, come join us.” Fury was the first to spot her when she emerged from her room. The table had been moved out of her kitchen and now sat in the center of her living room. Maria, Steve, and Fury sat at the table while Wanda, Pietro, and Vision sat on the couch with plates balanced on their knees.

“What's all this?” She motioned to the array of cartons on the table as she sat down.

“You've been out for a while,” Steve said. “I thought you might want to eat while you debriefed.”

“It smells wonderful,” she gave him a small smile. “Thank you, Steve.”

“The rest of the team has already submitted their reports,” Fury said. Xandria glanced at him and nodded as she served herself from the already half-empty cartons. “The man you spotted in Barnes' scope was another product of the Soviet super soldier program. Did Barnes say anything about him?”

“He radioed Natasha when I pointed the man out,” Xandria said. “He asked her if she remembered a guy they'd worked with back in the seventies. But that's all he said.” A twinge of guilt rang through her when she thought of Bucky.

_Eat and rest, then go help him_ , she thought.

Fury nodded and made a note on the tablet balanced on his knee.

“Yes, that was recorded from the team's coms connection,” he said. “Someone tripped an alarm after that and the team engaged a Hydra-run team of soldiers from the program. Apparently the base was one of their training facilities.

“Bucky put that on the radio too,” Xandria said with a nod. 

“Did he say anything else to you about the base?” Fury leaned forward as Xandria shook her head.

“He radioed the team as soon as he remembered what was going on. Then he... then something went wrong.” Xandria frowned and thought back to the mission as she ate. “He wanted to help, but then his head started to hurt.”

“I'm assuming this was more than a little headache,” Fury said. Xandria gave him a cold look and nodded.

“It was so bad it dropped him to floor,” she said. “I tried to get in his mind and find out what was wrong but the pain was so intense that I couldn't get in past it. And when he realized Hydra was coming to retrieve him, his panic only made it worse.”

“Did he say anything else? Maybe something about the program or what to expect?” Maria asked. Xandria shook her head and scooped more food onto her plate.

“He looked... awful, like he was feverish. He kept telling me I needed to get back to the jet and that the twins needed to get me out like they had promised. But then the agents showed up and he started telling me to run when I got the chance.”

“But you didn't run,” Fury said. 

“Of course not,” Xandria snapped. “I told him I would to calm him down. But there was no way I was going to leave him there.” A tense silence fell over the room.

“What happened next?” Steve said gently.

“Barnes drew a knife from a thigh sheath. I guess he didn't want to use the rifle in close quarters,” Xandria shrugged and cleared her throat. “Logan taught me to shoot so I -”

“Logan?” Maria cut in.

“You know him as Wolverine. He's one of the X-Men,” Xandria said. Maria nodded, made another note, and motioned for Xandria to go on.

“I'm a decent shot, so I took the pistol from his back. I took out one of the Hydra goons before they made it into the tower, and then we waited for them to get to the top of the stairs.”

“You made a kill shot from seventy feet up?” Fury arched his brow at her.

“No,” Xandria said. “I don't think I could handle killing someone. I took him out with a shoulder shot. As far as I know, he stayed down.”

Steve and Maria glanced at one another as Fury sat back and frowned. Another silence fell over the room and Xandria glanced at the twins for support. Neither one held her gaze.

“What else do you remember?” Fury finally asked. His voice was low and Xandria felt unease crawl up her spin.

“He told me to stay behind him,” Xandria said. She saw Steve nod slowly out of the corner of her eye and a fresh pang of guilt ran through her. “He told me to run if I could and...” She trailed off as she remembered the kiss. “And then we waited for Hydra to get to us.”

“He didn't suggest an offensive tactic?” Fury asked.

“No,” Xandria said. “He probably thought I wouldn't survive one.”

“Probably,” Fury said with a small nod. “What happened when the agents reached you?”

Xandria swallowed hard and set her fork on her plate. The rest of her memories did little for her appetite.

“Bucky dropped the first guy with a – a blow to the throat. With his knife,” she said. “I shot the next man in the shoulder but he kept coming. I grabbed him and -” Her eyes went wide and her stomach knotted. “Oh god,” she breathed.

“It's okay, Xandria,” Steve laid his hand over hers and patted it reassuringly. 

“I killed him, didn't I?” She looked up at Steve. Her lungs felt like stones in her chest and her lunch fought to come back up.

“Yes,” Steve said softly. “That man is dead and I promise that I'll help you through that later. But we need you to finish your report.”

Xandria nodded slowly and managed a few deep, aching breaths. It was enough to settle her stomach and she swallowed hard before she went on.

“Two more men came after me, but the majority went for Bucky. He was the bigger threat.” Her breath shook as she cleared her throat to go on. “All of them were using tasers, so I forced them back on two of the agents.”

“You know hand to hand combat as well?” Maria asked. Xandria nodded, then shrugged.

“I have no offensive powers and I lived with the X-Men,” she said. “The school was attacked more than once in my time there. We all had to learn how to defend ourselves.”

“About that,” Fury began. Steve shot him a hard look and squeezed Xandria's hand.

“Do you remember anything else?” He asked.

“Not much,” Xandria said. She thought for a moment and frowned. “I know I dropped to avoid more tasers, and then Hydra pinned me. There were too many for me to throw off and I ended up with my arm twisted behind my back.” She'd found bruises on her wrists in the shower earlier and they seemed to throb as she remembered the agents' hands holding her down.

“Where was Barnes?” Fury asked.

“They'd pinned him too. He was so scared.” She looked up at Steve and he squeezed her hand. “A man was going to inject him with something. I tried to make him stop but he just called me a freak and hit me.” She clenched her sore jaw as anger trilled through her.

“That explains the bruising on your jaw,” Wanda said. “It faded pretty quickly, but we couldn't figure how it got there.”

“I think I blacked out after that,” Xandria finished. “It must have been the punch, because I remember going down on the floor, then I woke up here.”

Maria and Fury put their heads close together and murmured for a few moments. Xandria gave Steve a startled glance but his eyes were on Fury.

“And you say you don't have offensive capabilities, beyond the marksmanship and hand to hand?” Fury asked. Xandria's frown deepened as she shook her head. “Are you sure about that? I don't like being lied to, Miss Wesson.”

“If I had offensive capabilities, don't you think I'd be with the X-Men?” She grimaced as she tried to scan the minds around her on reflex and felt nothing. Fury sat back with a sigh.

“I don't know,” he said. “Maybe you just like playing doctor.”

“Agent Fury,” Wanda cut in, voice sharp. Fury held up a hand and Wanda fell silent with a glare.

“Are you sure you don't remember anything else?” He asked.

“I'm sure!” Xandria tried and failed to keep her temper in check. “What is it that you want me to say?”

“Please stay calm, Miss Wesson,” Fury said. He tensed in his chair and Xandria glanced at Wanda. Her friend sent a wave of calm to her, but said nothing.

“Perhaps Miss Wesson would benefit from the recording I submitted earlier?” Vision spoke up for the first time.

Every eye in the room locked onto him.

“Recording?” Xandria asked.

“I was born, in part, from a machine,” Vision explained. “I have the capability to perfectly recall and replay events that I have witnessed.”

“Oh,” Xandria said. She searched for something else to say but nothing seemed appropriate.

“I don't think that's a good idea,” Steve began.

“She has to find out,” Pietro said. He looked up from his spot on the couch and finally met Xandria's eyes. She looked away when she realized his look was full of pity.

“Is it safe to show her?” Maria turned to Fury. He regarded Xandria for a moment, then nodded slowly.

“I think we can count on her to keep her composure,” he said. Maria began to answer him but Xandria cut her off.

“Hey, I'm sitting right here.” Xandria pushed back from the table and stood. “My powers aren't working, Bucky is in pain that I can't help him out of, and you're all acting like I've been keeping some massive secret. Right now is not a good time to treat me like I'm not part of this conversation.” 

Her voice rose with each sentence and she felt heat color her cheeks.

“You're right,” Steve said quickly. “And we're sorry. Would you... could you please sit down?” He half rose in his chair and motioned her back to her seat.

“You're afraid of me.” The realization slammed through her and she took a step back. Her skin prickled under a sudden rush of low heat and she shook her head. “What did I do in that tower?” 

She looked from one person to another, but they all looked at Fury or Vision.

“Show her,” Fury said. Vision moved in front of a blank stretch of wall and blinked a few times. His eyes lit with some internal source and a movie of sorts played across Xandria's wall.

She moved to stand next to him, startled by the detail of the recording. Trees sped by beneath Vision as he centered in on the tower Xandria and Bucky had occupied.

“I'm approaching them now, Captain.” Vision's voice cam from his mouth, but it had a far-away quality.

“Just get them out of there,” Steve's voice replied. Xandria glanced back at the real Steve but he wouldn't meet her eyes.

“They are overrun,” Vision said.

“Can you handle it?” Natasha's voice came over the radio.

“Yes, I can,” Vision replied. 

Vision closed in on the tower and Xandria searched the mass of bodies for Bucky. She found him in the center of the room surrounded by wounded and dead Hydra agents. Three agents held him down as a fourth knelt beside him and one held Xandria on her knees. The fourth agent pulled something from his pocket, then paused. Xandria drew in a sharp breath when she recognized him. A second later he punched her and she watched as her recorded self hit the ground. 

“I told you -” she cut off as the on-screen Xandria began to convulse. Trails of red snaked under her skin and her eyes glowed when she looked up at Bucky.

“That's... that's not possible,” Xandria murmured. Something scratched at the back of her mind and told her to look away but she couldn't. She watched as the convulsions grew worse until a scream – her scream - exploded from Vision's mouth. Xandria's hand flew to her throat and then to her mouth as something rippled out from the tower. A wave of energy or heat, she couldn't be sure which. Vision pulled up hard to avoid the wave and when he looked back at the tower it was full of limp bodies, her own among them. Bucky shoved the dead Hydra agents off his back and then dug Xandria out, his body trembling. He looked up and saw Vision, but the recording ended before he could call out.

“Scans showed that their brains had been turned into pâté by a focused concussive wave. You don't remember any of this?” Fury asked. His voice rang in her ears but she couldn't answer. 

“Xandria?” Wanda moved next to her and laid a hand on her arm but Xandria jerked away.

“Don't touch me,” she choked out. “I... I killed those people. All of them...”

Memories clawed their way forward. Her nightmare played through her mind, but Barnes no longer stood at the end of the tunnel. It was a man she didn't know, a man in a black military uniform. And he didn't want her to run. He wanted to kill her and she... she had killed him instead. 

“Oh. Oh no.” Her hand flew up over her mouth. She backed away from her friends, eyes wide. “I killed them too. The soldiers at the school. It.. it was real.” 

Bile rose in her throat and she backed towards her room as fear twisted up her spine.

“Calm down, Xandria.” Steve's voice was sharp and Xandria looked up at him. He motioned to her arms and she looked down to find red trails snaking under her skin. 

“Run,” she begged. “Get out of here. I don't want to hurt you too.” 

She ran for her room and slammed the door, then locked it and jammed her chair beneath the knob

“Xandria, please come out,” Wanda pleaded through the door. Xandria knew any one of her friends could tear the door apart if they wanted to, but it held for the moment.

“I told you to leave!” She screamed at them from the other side of the room. Heat rolled under her skin and she grit her teeth as pain spread down her limbs. It brought back memories of the pain she'd felt in the tower, and she squeezed her eyes shut as the images rolled through her mind.

“I don't know how to stop it,” she screamed. “Please leave, please run. I don't want you to die.”

Footsteps retreated from her door and she heard the exterior door open. She struggled to breathe as the heat under her skin grew. Panic swarmed her mind and she curled in on herself as she sobbed. The heat intensified until she was sure her skin would blister. Her mind latched onto the image of her shower and she pushed off from the floor without opening her eyes. She stumbled to her bathroom and crawled into the tub. 

She didn't bother to undress before she cranked the water to its coldest setting and curled up under the spray. Steam rose from her skin and she gasped as the cold water warred with the heat under her flesh. She muttered prayers under her breath. Prayers that she wouldn't lose control, prayers for the people she had killed. And prayers that it all would just go away.


	39. Inner Heat

Xandria had no idea how long she'd been under the spray. Her skin no longer burned but she wasn't shivering like she knew she should be. Every time the panic subsided she remembered the way the agents had looked on the tower and a new wave of terror would scorch up her spine. She would gag and retch, though she'd long since emptied her stomach. Sleep came over her between waves of panic and she dozed with only her face out of the shower spray. A pounding on her bedroom door woke her some time later and with the sound came a fresh wave of panic. The heat surged dully under her skin and she hissed softly.

“Get out of here,” she yelled. “I... I feel better, but I don't trust myself.” She listened for retreating footsteps and heard nothing.

“You're not going to hurt me doc,” the intruder called back. Xandria held her breath and slowly shook her head. Tears burned under her eyelids as guilt pushed its way to the front of her mind.

 _It's not Bucky_ , she thought _. Bucky's mind is torn apart and I can't help him_.

“Don't call me that,” she yelled back after a moment. “Only one person calls me that and you're not him.”

 _You can't be him_ , she thought. Her chest ached as she swallowed the urge to sob.

An alien sound carried in from her bedroom and she opened her eyes. Footsteps crossed the floor and the bathroom door swung in a moment later. Xandria crawled to the far side of the small tub and water blurred the approaching figure.

“You can't be in here. It's not safe,” she said. Heat grew in her chest and she took a shaky breath as she blinked the water from her eyes. The intruder knelt beside the tub and turned off the water. When Xandria looked up, the blurry image had resolved into Bucky. 

“I trust you,” he said gently. She stared at him, afraid to breathe. A small shiver trembled through her arms as she briefly wondered if the heat of her mutation had fried her mind. He had to be a hullucation.

“Wanda said you were broken,” She finally managed. “That something was wrong with your mind.”

“I was, and there was,” Bucky said. He looked around, then grabbed her towel from the rack beside the tub. “It was touch and go for a little while, but Wanda got me fixed up enough that I could come and talk you out of freezing yourself to death.”

“Wanda?” Xandria asked. “Wanda put you back together?”

“Not as well as you can, doc. But well enough for now,” he said. “You're going to catch pneumonia in those soaked clothes.”

He stood and held out one hand to her. She shook her head and pressed back against the tub, a thrum of panic rolling under her skin. The thought of hurting even a Bucky-shaped hallucination was terrifying.

“You don't know what I could do,” she said. “On the mission -”

“Fury told me,” Bucky interrupted. “At least, he told me what I couldn't remember straight.” He knelt beside the tub again and threw the towel around her shoulders. She'd half-expected him to dissolve. But the towel and his hands were solid on her shoulders. She stared at him, her fear fed by the reality of his presence. The danger she posed to him.

“I could kill you. I almost did once already.” The words came out as a shaky whisper, but Bucky only shook his head.

“If you were going to kill me, you would have done it on that tower,” he said. “I'm no mutant expert, but I think you've got more control than you realize.”

“How can you trust me?” She asked. He rubbed her shoulders through the towel and shrugged.

“Because you trust me,” he said. She watched him for a moment, then closed her eyes and lay her head on her knees. Her mind spun and the only thing that it seemed to settle on was the comfort of Bucky's hands on her shoulders.

Bucky knelt beside the tub for a few moments more, then pushed back and stood up.

“C'mon doc,” he said. “I don't need my best girl getting pneumonia on me.” Xandria looked up at him as she processed his words. She finally took the hand he offered and let him pull her to her feet.

“You don't get pneumonia from wet clothes,” she mumbled. “That's a myth.” The normalcy of the words helped her calm her mind and she pulled the towel in tighter.

“Best not take any chances,” he gave her a small smile and then glanced around. “You have any more towels? You're soaked through and this one isn't going to cut it.” Xandria nodded towards a cupboard under the sink and Bucky pulled out another towel.

“You get undressed and I'll find something warm for you to put on,” he said. He hesitated for a moment then pressed a soft, quick kiss to the top of her head. Xandria could only stare after him, wide-eyed, as he set the new towel on the counter, stepped out, and closed the bathroom door.

Xandria took stock of her body and found the heat had pulled back into a dull ember in the pit of her stomach. She shivered as she took off the waterlogged clothes she'd crawled into the tub with earlier. Her skin was a colorless kind of pale that would have scared her any other time, but comforted her after the heat of her attack. Bucky knocked at the bathroom door a minute later and she wrapped a towel around her torso before calling him in.

“This is the warmest thing I could find,” he said. He kept his eyes on his boots as he set a nightgown and a pair of socks on the counter. 

“Thank you.” She held the towel tighter, feeling the cold begin to tingle on her skin. She felt bashful for a moment, standing before Bucky in nothing but a towel. But the pink creeping back into her skin reminded her that nudity was not the worst thing she might inflict on him if she weren't careful.

“I'll be in the living room when you're dressed,” he said. She watched him go with a small frown, then slipped on the clothes he'd brought in. They felt good against her aching skin and she sighed as she toweled the extra water from her hair. It would be a tousled mess of waves when it dried, but she could accept that if she didn't explode and kill Bucky. She moved stiffly into her bedroom and stopped. A hole had been ripped in her bedroom door and the entire locking mechanism lay on the floor behind it. Xandria swallowed a laugh that would have sounded more unhinged than amused, had it escaped.

He was sitting on the couch and looked up at her when she slipped into the room.

“Better?” He asked and she nodded. She took a seat in one of the kitchen chairs the team had left in her living room.

“Why are you here?” She asked quietly. 

“Because you wouldn't let anyone else in,” he said. “We're worried about you.”

“Your brain could have been turned to mush,” she said. “You should be resting. Something went wrong with you on that tower and that takes priority.” Bucky frowned for a moment, then leaned toward her.

“You don't know how long ago the mission was, do you?” He moved to a chair near hers and took her hands in his. His skin was warm against hers and she felt torn between holding him closer and pushing the warmth away. The colder her skin was, the more control she seemed to have.

“We were both out for three solid days,” Bucky went on. “A few people took turns sitting by you while you were out, and Wanda spent a little time with me trying to clean up the mess I'd made.” He rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand and a small frown pulled at his lips. “After the report, you locked yourself in your room for more than twelve hours. Wanda spent most of it patching me up.”

“Twelve hours?” Xandria shook her head. “There is no way I was in there for twelve hours. The water would have -”

“Stark designed the water system for the base,” Bucky cut in. “Usually a room using that much water would be cut off on the assumption it was a leak. But in this case, Fury overrode the system. Called it a fail safe.”

“Oh,” Xandria shifted uncomfortably. “I did fall asleep for a little while but I didn't think it was for that long.”

“We were worried,” Bucky repeated and Xandria looked up at him.

“You shouldn't be worrying about me,” she said. “I was supposed to fix you.”

“You did, doc.” He pulled her onto his knee and wrapped his arms around her. She resisted for a moment, but she was too tired to pull away. His arms felt good wrapped around her, warmer and stronger than his mental projections had ever been. She relaxed against his chest. 

“You should still be resting,” she murmured. Bucky only shushed her and held her closer.

She closed her eyes and laid her head on his shoulder. His heart beat was steady under her ear and she slowly let her breathing slip into the same rhythm as his. The pattern was easy and soothing, as familiar as her own heartbeat, and she relaxed fully against him.

 _Hey doc_ , Bucky's quiet voice whispered into her mind. She sat up abruptly and he smiled at her.

“I see your powers are healing,” he said. Xandria started to smile, then a thought occurred to her. She pulled back from Bucky and pushed up to her feet.

“If my telepathy is coming back, the... the other abilities might too,” she said. She turned away from Bucky and moved back towards her room. The door lock was gone and the bathroom lock wouldn't keep him out, but she had to try.

“You're not going to hurt me, Xandria.” Bucky spun up from the chair and grabbed her arm as she went by.

“You don't know that,” she snapped. She tried to pull away but he'd caught her with his left hand and his grip was impossible to break.

“Yes, I do.” He pulled her to his chest and wrapped his arms around her again. “Listen to my heart, doll. Do I sound scared?” Xandria hesitated, then pressed her ear to his chest and took a shaky breath. His heart still beat at a slow, steady rhythm.

“I'm not safe,” she whispered.

“Neither was I,” he replied. “Until you saved me.”

Bucky freed one hand and tilted her chin up. He didn't give her time to pull away before he brought his lips to hers. It was a gentle kiss, but Xandria couldn't find the will to turn away. She slid her hand up his arm to her chin and twined her finger through his. Bucky tightened his fingers against hers and pulled back.

“See?” He asked, eyes searching her face. “No explosion.”

“That's no guarantee,” Xandria shook her head and Bucky pulled her in for another kiss. This one was more urgent and when he parted his lips she let hers part with them. It sent a thrill of heat through her that had nothing to do with her mutations.

“You can't do that every time I try and -” He broke her off with another kiss. She didn't try to warn him again. She just pulled him closer and ran one hand up to tangle in his hair. He released her chin and wrapped his arms around her, and after a moment Xandria let herself forget the fear and pain and heat. It wanted her attention, but she made herself focus on the softness of Bucky's lips, the strength of his embrace, and the warmth of his skin. The way he finally felt real in her arms. Everything else fell away.

He pulled back and looked at her, one thumb rubbing across the small of her back. Xandria could see the hunger in his eyes and she pulled herself from his arms slowly, making sure her hand stayed in his. She pulled him past the ruined door and into her bedroom They toppled onto her bed in a soft rush of breath. 

It was slow and sweet at first. Then they built it into the kind of fire that Xandria did not mind burning in. He was solid under hands, against her lips, between her thighs. They lay together afterwards, his arm around her waist as he held her from behind. At first she couldn't sleep, afraid he would vanish if her eyes closed too long. But every time she opened them he was still beside her, still holding her close. For the first time in a very long time both slept in peace.


	40. Reunion

Xandria woke up cold the next morning. An air conditioned breeze whirred out of the vent in one corner of her room and she shivered under the top sheet. Eyes closed, she sent one hand out searching. It met the end of the bed and found no Bucky. She rolled over and tried the other side, but the bed was empty.

“Bucky?” Her voice was mumbled with sleep, but a sound from the living room reassured her that he was still close by.

“Morning, Sleeping Beauty.” He came in the room with a steaming mug in each hand. Xandria rolled over and smiled up at him. He had slipped his pants and t-shirt back on but was barefoot. His hair was a tousled mess and her fingers tickled with the memory of it against her skin. 

“Morning yourself,” she said. He settled onto the edge of the bed and set the mugs on her nightstand. Then he dove his fingers into her hair and kissed her with an echo of the intensity he'd shown her the night before. She moved into the kiss and tugged on his shirt, calling him back to bed. But he only smiled against her lips and held his ground. When he pulled away he traced his thumb over her frown.

“We're about to have company,” he said. 

“Company?” She echoed him and he nodded, then stole another kiss.

“I'm going to go make breakfast while you take a shower,” he said.

“You can cook?” She arched an eyebrow at him and he feigned a moment of offense.

“I will have you know that my little sisters told me my over-easy eggs were the best they'd ever had,” he said.

“Right... and that was in 1940-what, again?” She held her breath after the joke but Bucky snorted a short laugh.

“Cooking eggs is like riding a bike,” he assured her. He pointed to one of the mugs as he took the other and backed towards the door. “I found some tea in your kitchen, thought you might like a cup.”

“You're sweet,” she said. She sat up, sheets pinned beneath her arms to hide her chest. Bucky's eyes wandered down then returned to her face.

“Try not to freeze in the shower, okay?” He asked her. She made a face at him and he winked back, though she didn't need her telepathy to sense the concern behind the joke. 

The tea was sweeter than she liked and he hadn't added any milk, but after the day before it tasted like heaven. She could joke with Bucky all day, but the moment her mind was allowed to wander it latched onto the memory of her victims. It didn't matter than they were Hydra or, before that, soldiers intent on killing her and the children in her care. She had taken human lives and she couldn't think of a way she could forgive herself. The tea soured in her mouth and she set the rest of the mug aside untouched. Her nightgown lay in the middle of the floor and she tried to keep her mind on the memory of how it had gotten there. It distracted her mind enough to keep the tea from coming back up. 

When she ran her shower this time, the ice cold water felt like daggers against her skin. She settled for a lukewarm temperature, then hurried to get ready.

“Company will be here in five,” Bucky called from the kitchen. 

Xandria took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“Be right out,” she called back. She focused on the mirror but paused with her eyeliner half way up. Tears gathered behind her lashes until she blinked them away.

_They were bad people_ , she told herself _. They deserved to... to.._. She couldn't finish the thought.

A knock on the apartment door brought her back to the moment and she hurried to finish her makeup. She heard Bucky open the door and she felt the gentle brush of four minds entering the apartment. It was the first mental sense she'd felt, other than Bucky's small projections.

“I'll go let her know.” Bucky's voice carried in from the living room. Xandria looked up and forced a smile for him when he wandered into the bathroom. He'd put the rest of his clothes on and she derailed her darker thoughts with a quick appreciation of the way his sweater hugged his arms and shoulders.

_It's not the healthiest distraction_ , she thought. _But I could definitely do worse_.

“Steve and the gang just showed up,” Bucky said.

“I heard you let them in,” she said. “I felt them too.” A smile found it's way through and Bucky returned it with a flare of warmth.

“Just like I told you,” he said. He looped an arm around her waist and pulled her against his chest. “The telepathy will come back when you let that amazing mind of yours rest.”

“Flattery will not get you anywhere with me,” she teased.

“It's not flattery, doll,” he said. “It's just the truth. Besides,” he gave her a wicked grin. “I think I've made my case for your attentions very well without flattery.”

Xandria's cheeks grew warm and she pushed the sensation down.

“About that,” she glanced out towards the bedroom and dropped her voice. “Last night, I... I mean I don't usually... I don't know how this works.”

“How what works?” A confused frown crossed his face and Xandria shrugged nervously. This was where things usually went wrong with guys.

“Friends with benefits, or whatever this is,” she said. “The whole 'casual' thing has never been my style.”

Bucky's sudden smile caught her off guard. It was the last reaction she'd expected.

“Than you're in luck,” he said softly. “Because I don't see anything casual about this.” 

Xandria stared up at him and he cocked a questioning eyebrow.

“You can't mean that,” she said. “I'm the first person you've been with in ages. You -”

“Buck, everything okay in there?” Steve's voice cut into the moment and Xandria tensed. Bucky's hand rubbed a soothing circle on the small of her back as he answered.

“Yeah, we're fine,” he said. “Xandria just needs to finish touching up her makeup and we'll be out.”

Steve mumbled something to the others waiting in the living room and Bucky looked back down at Xandria.

“We'll finish this talk later,” he said. “But for now just know that you're important to me. There's nothing casual about how I feel. And,” he added with an arched brow. “It has not been 'ages'. I don't need to go looking for anyone else.” He kissed her, then stepped away. It took a moment for Xandria to collect her thoughts and settle the rest of her makeup before she followed him. But when she stepped into the living room she found six people, not the five she expected.

“Miss Wesson.” Fury was the first to greet her and his tone was stiff. His was the mind that had slipped in unnoticed.

“Glad you're feeling better,” Steve said. His eyes flicked from her to Bucky and Xandria quelled a blush when she realized he knew what had happened.

“Thank you,” she said. 

Wanda stood by the kitchen door and Xandria smiled when she caught her friend's eyes.

_Have a good night last night_? Wanda's faint voice sounded more smug in Xandria's head than she had ever sounded in person. Xandria crossed the room and pulled her friend into a tight embrace.

“I don't know how you did it,” she said softly. “But I owe you my life, literally.”

“I just tried to do what I saw you do,” Wanda replied. She pulled back from Xandria and hesitated over her next words for a moment. “Will you... will you teach me more? I want to be a healer too, not just a weapon.”

“Of course!” Xandria pulled her friend close again and squeezed. “As soon as this whole new-powers mess is sorted out I will teach you everything I know.”

“Thank you,” Wanda said. Xandria could feel the happiness radiating from her friend and responded with a sensation of gratitude.

“Ah, there she is.” A familiar voice cut in and Xandria's heart flipped.

“You look better than I expected,” came a second voice.

“Professor, Jean!” Xandria pulled away from Wanda and threw her arms around Professor Xavier's neck as he and Jean Grey stepped from the kitchen. 

“We would have been here sooner,” Xavier said. “But we had a small crisis of our own to handle.”

“I'm so happy to see you,” Xandria said. She pressed her face into Jean's shoulder and blinked quickly to keep tears from slipping down her cheeks.

“It's going to be alright,” Jean murmured. She took a step back from Xandria and looked her over with a smile. “Mr. Barnes has made enough food to feed an army. We'll talk while we eat.” She motioned Xandria into the kitchen as Bucky stepped past and pulled out a seat for her. 

Xandria settled into her place between Professor Xavier and Bucky as the others found seats and Steve began to serve the food.

“It seems you've had quite the experience here,” Professor Xavier said as he leaned towards Xandria and smiled. “Perhaps you should start with Mr. Stark's robotic escort?”


	41. Recount

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay! I've been sick for about a week now and it really took the wind out of me. Anywho... enjoy the second to last chapter!

Nobody spoke while Xandria recounted her time on base. Fury's eyebrow twitched when she glossed over their arguments, but he let the alteration by without comment. Bucky slipped his hand beneath the table and twined his fingers with hers when she recounted the first wall they brought down, while Wanda kept her eyes on the table and failed to smother her sense of pride. Xandria only faltered when she reached the mission and the tower. Professor Xavier read the unease in her mind and laid a hand over hers.

“Agent Fury showed us Vision's recording,” he said. “I am so sorry, Xandria. Had I known you would be in the field, I would have warned you about your secondary mutations.”

“You knew?” Fury asked. His tone was hard and Xandria knew him well enough to detect the trace of anger at its core. She tried to pass the message to Professor Xavier and held her breath as the weak pulse left her mind. A reassuring touch brushed her senses a moment later and she sighed quietly.

“Yes, I knew,” Professor Xavier said slowly. “Xandria is a remarkably powerful telepath and that usually comes with other abilities. Hers manifested years after she came to us, at a time when we were unable to properly help her learn to control them.”

“She was very young when she came to your school, wasn't she?” Wanda asked. Xandria cut her friend a warning look but Wanda ignored her. Professor Xavier patted Xandria's hand as he answered.

“Xandria's parents sent her to us when she only four,” he said. “Her powers manifested at an exceedingly young age.”

“Don't lie to them, Professor.” Xandria's voice was quieter than she'd meant it to be and she cleared her throat before she looked up from her plate. “My parents didn't send me to the school. They abandoned me at a police station in the middle of the night and the professor found me through Cerebro. My age intrigued him and he brought me to live with them at the school.”

“They just dumped you off?” Bucky's fingers went rigid in hers. “What kind of parent does that?”

“A bad one,” Xandria answered. “I told my parents some things I'd heard in their minds. Things they didn't want the other to know. It scared them and instead of being parents they dumped me off somewhere.”

“But your quilt,” Wanda cut in. “You said your mother made it for you.”

“I made it for her,” Jean said quietly. “I was twenty-one and Xandria reminded me so much of myself that I adopted her, in a sense. I made her the quilt so that the dormitory would feel more like home.”

Xandria smiled at Jean.

“I had no idea,” Steve said. Xandria looked up and found that he was looking at her with something nearing pity.

“Please don't do that,” she said. “Don't pity me. If they were the kind of parents to dump their child off, they didn't deserve to be my family. I found a new one in the school, and I have made incredible friends here on the base.” Bucky squeezed her hand under the table but she ignored him. Something tickled at her mind and she opened to the sensation. 

_Bit more than a friend, if the one with the bionic arm is any indication_. Jean's teasing brought a new heat to Xandria's cheeks and she smiled softly as she slowly willed the warmth away.

“When did she first exhibit concussive powers?” Fury's voice drew all eyes to him. He wiped his mouth and set his fork down on his now-empty plate. “If she initially only showed telepathic abilities, what triggered the secondary mutation?”

“Extreme fear, stress, and a strong survival instinct.” Professor Xavier folded his hands in his lap and leveled his gaze on Fury. “My school has been attacked several times, one of which resulted in several of my students being taken hostage. Xandria was the oldest in her dormitory and was charged with seeing the younger children safely out of harm's way.”

Images flashed behind Xandria's eyes and she shook her head slightly to clear them as her stomach grew warm. Calming sensations flowed in from the other three telepaths as Bucky moved his hand to the back of her shoulder and made soothing motions.

“I thought I passed out in the tunnel,” she said. “That I'd been hit by debris and passed out.”

“Yes,” Professor Xavier nodded. “We implanted that memory and shielded you from the truth.” More calming energy flooded her mind and Xandria gave the professor a grateful smile as he went on. “A soldier met you at the mouth of the escape tunnel. He had been about to lead a team inside when you and your charges stepped out. When you realized what he intended to do, your panic took over. None of the children were harmed, save those hit by falling debris. But you unleashed a concussive wave that killed any soldiers within a radius of a dozen feet or so.”

“You were so young,” Jean cut in. “When one of the older students found you, you were hysterical. You felt so guilty for killing the men that you wouldn't stop crying. Hank had to sedate you until the professor returned. He altered your memories and we made sure nobody told you the truth. We didn't know what would happen if you found out before you were old enough.”

“Why weren't the kids hurt?” Steve asked. “Why wasn't Bucky?”

“Preservation instinct,” Xavier answered. “Xandria has enough subconscious control that she will not hurt those she is trying to protect. I'm not sure if it's a natural aspect of her gift or if it's because of the training she's received. But there it is.”

“I didn't hurt Bucky, but I killed more soldiers,” Xandria said softly. “They were going to take him away and take me captive. And they knew I worked with the X-Men, or at least that I worked with other mutants. It sounded like they intended to kill you too. I panicked again.” Her voice was miserable and she squeezed her eyes shut.

“You can learn to control it,” Professor Xavier said. “Just like you learned to control your telepathy, learned to be a healer.” 

“Can any telepath learn how to heal?” Wanda's voice was quiet from the other side of the table. Professor Xavier smiled at her warmly and a moment later Wanda returned a smile just as warm.

“No fair using telepathy,” Steve protested with a small smile. 

“It seems our Xandria has agreed to teach Miss Maximoff how to be a healer,” Xavier said. “And I think Miss Maximoff would be the perfect person to teach Xandria how to control her concussive abilities. If I read your file correctly, you have a similar skill set. And when you thought you'd lost your brother, you lost control for a time.”

“You've read my file?” Wanda glanced at Fury and he shrugged.

“I feel somewhat responsible for what happened to you and your brother,” Professor Xavier said. “I had found you on Cerebro some time before Hydra took you, but I was not able to get to you in time. If I had, your lives might have been happier. I am deeply sorry for that.”

“I... I'll be sure and tell Pietro.” Wanda blushed and smiled down at the table.

“Does this mean you're staying on with the team?” Steve looked at Xandria. She glanced up at Bucky and then at the Professor and Jean.

“I would like to,” she said. “I know I have to get my powers under control first and you all might not need me, but -”

“You're an Avenger,” Steve cut in. “As soon as you've got control, you're back in action.”

“What about the... the death toll?” She asked. Steve glanced at Fury but neither spoke.

“We've all got a death toll,” Bucky spoke up. “You told me that the people I killed while I was with Hydra weren't my fault. But I live with the guilt all the same. We'll work through it together, and with the team.”

“Natasha's already offered to talk to you,” Wanda added. “She's really worried about you.”

“That's sweet of her,” Xandria said. “I'll definitely be taking her up on that.”

“And if you ever have need of a therapist,” Professor Xavier cut in. “You can always come home for a visit.” Xandria smiled at him and gave his hand a soft squeeze.

“Well I suppose that settles it then,” Fury said. He stood up and came around to Xandria's side of the table, then extended his hand. “Welcome to the team, Miss Wesson.” 

“Thank you, sir.” Xandria stood and shook his hand, then sank back into her chair as he returned to his. The room fell silent for a moment, then Xandria felt Bucky shift against her leg.

“Professor,” he said, “Xandria and Wanda have put me back together, but none of us can really figure out what happened during the mission. I thought you might have some insight since you're, well... you.”

The professor smiled at Bucky and Xandria felt his mind working.

“The processes the Soviets and Hydra used were crude,” he said. “Xandria works her abilities like a scalpel. Your captors, by comparison, used hatchets or mallets.” Xandria flushed under the praise as she dropped her eyes to the table.

“Okay,” Bucky drew the word out and let his confusion touch the professor's mind. Xandria felt surprise from both Xavier and Jean, but neither commented on Bucky's ability.

“You have proven to possess a very strong mind, Sergeant Barnes. I do not know if this is something inherent to you or if it is an after effect of the serum you were treated with. Strong minds are hard to alter in any permanent fashion. I believe your mind was working to destroy the older walls your captors put up while you and Xandria worked backwards from the newest walls. Something about that mission triggered a break down of the final walls between your older mind and the portions you and Xandria had set to rights.”

“Is there danger of relapse?” Xandria laced her fingers through Bucky's.

“Relapse is always a possibility, particularly with the level of damage Sergeant Barnes has suffered,” the professor answered. “But as long as he is around people who understand, and people who can help bring him back to himself, I believe he can lead as normal a life as any of us are allowed.”

“You hear that, doc?” Bucky squeezed her hand. “You're stuck keeping my noodle together for a while longer.” His eyes were tight despite his teasing tone. Xandria rubbed her thumb over his and smiled.

“I think I can manage that.”


	42. Fin

“Do come and see us soon,” Professor Xavier smiled up at her. “Logan misses you, though he won't admit it.”

“Scott admits it,” Jean added. “So do Bobby and Rogue.” 

“I'll come home for Christmas,” Xandria bent and hugged the professor tightly. “I promise I'll be home for Christmas.”

“See that you are,” the professor replied. Xandria could feel his sadness even without her telepathy and she blinked back tears.

“We love you,” Jean added.

“I love you too.” Xandria straightened and hugged Jean. The older woman squeezed her hard, once, then followed Fury and the professor out the door.

“Call if you need me,” Steve said. “And if you're up to it, there's a team meeting tomorrow morning.”

“I'll be there,” Xandria replied. Steve nodded and smiled, then took Bucky's arm and stepped into the hall. Wanda's mind brushed against Xandria's and she turned to her friend.

 _Your training starts tomorrow after the meeting_. Wanda hugged her. Xandria struggled to send a response and grinned she felt it flow from her mind to Wanda's.

 _Can't wait_. 

Bucky stepped back into the room and Wanda winked at Xandria before following Steve to the elevators.

“How do you feel?” Bucky asked as he closed the door.

“Tired,” Xandria admitted. She sighed and dropped onto the couch, then tucked her feet under her dress. “The nightmare I told you I was having, it was a memory. I was reliving the attack on the school, except you were there.”

“Was I?” Bucky slid onto the couch beside her. Xandria hesitated, then leaned over and rested her head against his chest. He looped his arm around her shoulder and stroked her hair gently.

“After Wanda and I went in to help you and I saw what your nightmare looked like, it merged with mine. Instead of the soldier, I saw you. You were begging me to run but I couldn't, not with the other kids behind me. I couldn't leave them.” Heat inched up her spine and she took a deep, trembling breath.

“Hey, don't get upset,” Bucky said softly. He pulled her fully into his lap and pressed her head into the crook of his neck. “You know the truth now and Wanda's going to help you train your powers. Everything is going to be okay.” Xandria nodded and relaxed into his chest.

“How are you feeling?” Xandria found it easier to control the panic when she worried about someone else. She looked up at Bucky and he rubbed his thumb against her cheek softly.

“I'm okay for right now,” he said. “It's easier when you're around. I know you can make it stop for a little while. Spending time with Steve helps too. He knew me before I was a weapon.”

“I'm glad.” She gave him a soft smile and he kissed her, slow and deep.

“You said I would be working on this the rest of my life,” Bucky said softly. “I'll have good days and I'll have bad days. Right now I'm having a very good day and I intend to keep it that way.” Something in his smile made Xandria grin.

“What did you have in mind, Sergeant?”

He growled at her playfully and stood, his arms cradling her close.

“C'mon doll, I thought you said you'd use my name if I remembered it.” He carried her towards her room and kicked the ruined door closed behind them.

“Alright then, James Buchanan Barnes. What did you have in mind?” He laid her on the bed and slid in beside her.

“Spending the day with my best girl,” he said. He smiled at her and Xandria's stomach warmed in a way only Bucky could draw out.

“Are you sure I won't explode?” Her voice teased, but Bucky could sense the honest worry underneath. He moved over her and swept the hair from her face as his eyes held her gaze.

“I trust you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone that stuck with me on this 8 month project. Whether you were here from the beginning or you're just finding this fic, your readership made this a rewarding experience I will never forget. I want to bring Xandria and Bucky back together at the end of this year in a follow-up chapter set so please let me know if that would interest you! And keep an eye out for the reader-insert one-shot series I'll be rolling out in May, where each of the MCU's characters gets a turn in the limelight! I'll be posting details on that series on Monday 4-4-2016 on my Tumblr (BigBandBombshell), so stay tuned!


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